Be aware this third post is the longest of the four, as taken from Keller’s book, The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness as it details the meat and the essence of the spiritual truths that Paul alone describes in detail as the path to true Christian joy. I rejoice that both Paul and Tim Keller persevered in order that we too, might better understand and then experience this elusive joy, as Christ followers. Enjoy.
See what he says. In verses 1 and 2, he reminds them that he is a minister and that he has a job to do. But then he tells them that, with regard to that role, he cares very little if he is judged by them or any human court (vv. 3, 4). The word translated ‘judge’ here has the same meaning as the word ‘verdict.’ It is the thing Madonna craves – that elusive verdict or stamp of approval. Paul does not look to the Corinthians – or to any human court – for the verdict that he is somebody.
So Paul is saying to the Corinthians that he does not care what they think about him. He does not care what anybody thinks about him. In fact, his identity owes nothing to what people say. It is as if he is saying, ‘I don’t care what you think. I don’t care what anybody thinks.’ Paul’s self-worth, his self-regard, his identity is not tied in any way to their verdict and evaluation of him.
Paul’s identity may not be tied to other people’s opinion of him – but how do we reach the point where we are not controlled by what people think about us? How do you think we get there? Most people would say it is very obvious. Practically every counselor I know would say that it should nor matter what other people think of us. They tell us that we should not be living according to what other people say. It should not be their standards that count. It should not matter what they think about us. The only thing that should concern me is what I think about me. It is not about other people’s standards. I should only mind about what I think my standards should be. I should choose my own standards. So the counselors’ advice is ‘Decide who you want to be and then be it’ because it only matters what you think about yourself.
If some one has a problem with low self-esteem we, in our modern world, seem to have only one way of dealing with it. That is remedying it with high self-esteem. We tell someone that they need to see that they are a great person, they need to see how wonderful they are. We tell them to look at all the great things they have accomplished. We tell them they just need to stop worrying about what people say about them. We tell them they need to set their own standards and accomplish them – and then make their own evaluation of themselves.
Paul’s approach could not be more different. He cares very little if he is judged by the Corinthians or by any human court. And then he goes one step further: he will nor even judge himself. It is as if he says, ‘I don’t care what you think– but I don’t care what I think. I have a very low opinion of your opinion of me – but I have a very low opinion of my opinion of me.’ The fact that he has a clear conscience makes no difference. Look carefully at what he says in verse 4. ‘My conscience may be clear – but that does not make me innocent.’ His conscience may be clear – but he knows that even if he does have a clear conscience, that does not necessarily mean he is innocent. Hitler may have had a clear conscience, but it does not mean he was innocent.
What would Paul say to those who tell him to set his own standards? He would say it is a trap. A trap that he will not fall into. You see, it is a trap to say we should not worry about everyone else’s standards, just set our own. That’s not an answer. Boosting our self-esteem by living up to our own standards or someone else’s sounds like a great solution. But it does not deliver. It cannot deliver. I cannot live up to my parents’ standards – that makes me feel terrible. I cannot live up to your standards – and that makes me feel terrible. I cannot live up to society’s standards and that makes me feel terrible. I cannot live up to other societies’ standards – that makes me feel terrible. Perhaps the solution is to set my own standards? But I cannot keep them either – and that makes me feel terrible, unless I set incredibly low standards. Are low standards a solution? Not at all. That makes me feel terrible because I realize I am the type of person who has low standards. Trying to boost our self-esteem by trying to live up to our own standards or someone else’s is a trap. It is not an answer.
So Paul does not look to the Corinthians for his identity. He does not go to them for a verdict that he is a ‘somebody’. He does not get that sense of identity from them. But he does not get it from himself either. He knows that trying to find self esteem by living up to a certain set of standards is a trap. Now we start to discover where Paul finds that sense of self, that sense of identity. Be warned! At this point, he moves right off our map. He moves into territory that we know nothing about.
Paul was a man of incredible stature. I think it would be hard to disagree with the view that he is one of the six or seven most influential leaders in the history of the human race. One of the most influential in history. He had enormous ballast, tremendous influence, incredible confidence. He moved ahead and nothing fazed him. And yet in I Timothy, he says ‘Jesus Christ came into the world to save sinners, of whom I’m chief’ (I Timothy 1:15 NKJV). Not I was chief, but I am chief. Or ‘I am the worst’. This is off our maps. We are not used to someone who has incredible confidence volunteering the opinion that they are one of the worst people. We are not used to someone who is totally honest and totally aware of all sorts of moral flaws – yet has incredible poise and confidence.
We cannot do that. Do you know why? Because we are judging ourselves. But Paul will not do that. When he says that he does not let the Corinthians judge him nor will he judge himself, he is saying that he knows about his sins but he does not connect them to himself and his identity. His sins and his identity are not connected. He refuses to play that game. He does not see a sin and let it destroy his sense of identity. He will not make a connection. Neither does he see an accomplishment and congratulate himself. He sees all kinds of sins in himself – and all kinds of accomplishments too – but he refuses to connect them with himself or his identity. So, although he knows himself to be the chief of sinners, that fact is not going to stop him from doing the things that he is called to do.
We could not be more different than Paul. If I think of myself as a bad person, I do not have any confidence. If I think of myself as a sinner, as someone who is filled with pride, someone filled with lust and anger and greed and all the little things that Paul said he is filled with, I have no confidence. No, because we are judging ourselves. We set our standards and then we condemn ourselves. The ego will never be satisfied that way. Never!
Paul is saying something astounding. ‘I don’t care what you think and I don’t care what I think.’ He is bringing us into new territory that we know nothing about. His ego is not puffed up, it is filled up. He is talking about humility – although I hate using the word ‘humility’ because this is nothing like our idea of humility. Paul is saying that he has reached a place where his ego draws no more attention to itself than any other part of his body. He has reached the place where he is not thinking of himself anymore. When he does something wrong or something good, he does not connect it to himself anymore.
C. S. Lewis in Mere Christianity makes a brilliant observation about gospel-humility at the very end on his chapter on pride. If we were to meet a truly humble person, Lewis says, we would never come away from meeting them thinking they were humble. They would not be always telling us they were a nobody (because a person who keeps saying they are a nobody is actually a self-obsessed person). The thing we would remember from meeting a truly gospel-humble person is how much they seemed to be totally interested in us. Because the essence of gospel-humility is not thinking more of myself or thinking less of myself, it is thinking of myself less.
Gospel-humility is not needing to think about myself. Not needing to connect things to myself. It is an end to such thoughts as, ‘I’m in this room with these people, does that make me look good? Do I want to be here?’ True gospel-humility means I stop connecting every experience, every conversation, with myself. In fact, I stop thinking about myself. The freedom of self-forgetfulness. The blessed rest that only self-forgetfulness brings.
True gospel-humility means an ego that is not puffed up but filled up. This is totally unique. Are we talking about high self-esteem? No. So it is low self-esteem? Certainly not. It is not about self-esteem. Paul refuses to play that game. He says ‘I don’t care about your opinion but, I don’t care that much about my opinion’ – and that is the secret.
A truly gospel-humble person is not a self-hating person or a self-loving person, but a gospel – humble person. The truly gospel-humble person is a self-forgetful person whose ego is just like his or her toes. It just works. It does not draw attention to itself. The toes just work, the ego just works. Neither draws attention to itself.
Here is one little test. The self-forgetful person would never be hurt particularly badly by criticism. It would not devastate them, it would it would not keep them up late, it would not bother them. Why? Because a person who is devastated by criticism is putting too much value on what other people think, on other people’s opinions. The world tells the person who is thin-skinned and devastated by criticism to deal with it by saying ‘who cares what they think? I know what I think. Who cares what the rabble thinks? It doesn’t bother me.’ People are either devastated by criticism – or they are not devastated by criticism because they do not listen to it. They will not listen to it or learn from it because they do not care about it. They know who they are and what they think. In other words, our only solution to low esteem is pride. But that is no solution. Both low self-esteem and pride are horrible nuisances to our own future and to everyone around us.
The person who is self-forgetful is the complete opposite. When someone whose ego is not puffed up but filled up gets criticism, it does not devastate them. They listen to it and see it as an opportunity to change. Sounds idealistic? The more we get to understand the gospel, the more we want to change. Friends, wouldn’t you want to be a person who does not need honor – nor is afraid of it? Someone who does not lust for recognition – nor, on the other hand, is frightened to death of it? Don’t you want to be the kind of person who, when they see themselves in a mirror or reflected in a shop window, does not admire what they see but does not cringe either? Wouldn’t you like to be the type of person who, in their imaginary life, does not sit around fantasizing about hitting self-esteem home-runs, daydreaming about successes that gives them the edge over others? Or perhaps you tend to beat yourself up and to be tormented by regrets. Wouldn’t you like to be free of them? Wouldn’t you like to be the skater who wins the silver, and yet is thrilled about those three triple jumps the gold medal winner did? To love it the way you love a sunrise?Just to love the fact that it was done? For it not to matter whether it was their success or your success. Not to care if they did it or you did it? You are as happy that they did it as if you had done it yourself – because you are just so happy to see it.
You will probably say that you do not know anybody like that. But this is the possibility for you and me if we keep going where Paul is going. I can start to enjoy things that are not about me. My work is not about me, my skating is not about me, my romance is not about me, my dating is not about me. I can actually enjoy things for what they are. They are not just for my resume. They are just not to look good on my college or job application. They are not just a way of filling up emptiness. Wouldn’t you want that? This is off our map. This is gospel-humility, blessed self-forgetfulness. Not thinking more of myself as in modern cultures, or less of myself as in traditional cultures. Simply thinking of myself less.
The final chapter is titled ‘How To Get That Transformed View Of Self.’ and will post in a week, March 1. Perhaps today we use the word ‘transformed’ in church circles rather loosely. The dictionary defines it ‘to make a thorough or dramatic change in the form, appearance, or character of’ … but if and when one’s ‘self’ is transformed, what then is obvious? More than merely form, appearance & character? Is there yet another dimension? Blessings As YOU GO Forth>>>> Merlin