Author: Merlin Erb

Quite understandably, I have been criticized for being “too hard on myself,” especially after a post like the one prior where I explained I lacked courage to “get comfortable being uncomfortable” because I  “earned” an inferiority complex because as a lad I chose thought patterns, behaviors, and activities in direct opposition to achieving my life’s Essential Purpose (EP).

I really do believe what I’ve experienced thus far in life is not that much different from your story. Quite by accident, as none of these posts are ever planned out in advance, and in looking back over the past year, I realize now their underlying theme to date frequently hinge on we as humans too often not being willing to honestly examine who we really are becoming (or not!) and what is it that really drives us day after day on the treadmill of life?

I’m going to share an experience I lived recently. We had some friends visiting last week end and after touring Holmes County on Friday afternoon, they began quizzing me over dinner at Mrs. Yoder’s about my childhood in west central MN. Being ten years younger, they were raised in Cincinnati and found it difficult to comprehend the daily rigors and perils I experienced on the farm prior to college where I enjoyed my first daily showers (even multiples if needed); where the closest electricity was three miles away until I was three; and when indoor plumbing finally arrived during seventh grade. What the Cincinnati folks could not comprehend was that these three deprivations were still the norm on many of the farms they had just driven by minutes prior, but now, more insidiously than merely the print, radio and TV of my era, were the Big Tech slot machines in our pockets (phones) powered from space.

So I tell you this bit of history not for sympathy nor an identity with Thoreau, but as the idyllic event it really was without today’s compelling distractions. In stark and riveting contrast, I dare you read Chapter Six titled “A Slot Machine in Your Pocket” from Rana Foroohar’s new book “Don’t Be Evil: How Big Tech Betrayed Its Founding Principles and All Of Us.” I’m warning you this chapter may make you physically sick with its 52 minutes of examples such as how the “designer of “Fortnite” with its more than 200 persuasive technology design tricks to purposely draw kids in to their “web,” admitted to the Wall Street Journal that it was his goal to create a game that would engage kids for hundreds of hours if not decades.”

“And then there is the craving for social approval that most of us will recall from our teenage years. This phenomena is not new. What is new though is how Instagram and Snapchat platforms have elevated this need to the level of full-fledged addiction. Consider the average  teenager who spends 7.5 hours per day playing with screens and phones. Is it any wonder they are more isolated, less social, and more prone to depression than previous generations? It is even scarier that these conditions can be monetized by the platforms that create them. In 2017, Facebook documents leaked showed that executives had actually boasted to advertisers that by monitoring posts, interactions and photos in real time, they are able to track when teens will feel insecure, worthless, stressed, useless and a failure , and can micro-target ads down to those vulnerable moments when young people need a confidence boost. Think about that for a minute. It is an endless wanton commodification of our attention with little or no concern for the repercussions for individuals. This is how today’s devices create desires we didn’t even know we had, at least not to this degree making us feel anxiously incomplete without them, almost as if we were missing a limb.”

So folks, here is my bottom line. If a kid like me,  growing up in such a positive mentoring village with every opportunity in rural MN during the 50’s-60’s, could go so far wrong for so long, what can we expect for our youth today given the “traps & webs” referenced above, not to mention much of the US male population up to and now approaching their 50’s and even beyond?

Jesus frequently told stories as perhaps should we. I love to both read and tell stories, especially true stories. Matthew Kelly tells one of each beginning about page 232 in his Rhythm of Life book that indeed provides hope for our honestly truth-inquiring minds today. Enjoy.  

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Perhaps you are familiar with Leonardo da Vinci‘s famous painting The Last Supper. Leonardo was living in Milan at the time he painted it, and when he committed himself to that particular composition, he decided he wanted to approach it in a unique way. He wanted to find thirteen men to pose, one for each of the disciples and one as Jesus. He wanted each of his models to look exactly as he envisioned Jesus and each of the other disciples to have looked. And so his search for these men began.

One day while sitting in church, the voices of the choir were so angelic that he turned around and looked up into the choir loft. As he did, his gaze fell upon one young man in the choir loft. He perfectly matched how Leonardo had visualized Jesus to look. After church Leonardo approached the young man, explained his project, and inquired as to whether he would be interested in posing for the painting. The young man agreed, and the following week he spent four days posing in his studio in Milan.

Leonardo’s search continued, and he quickly found someone to pose as Peter, Simon, and Matthew. Within eleven months he had found and painted all the persons in the scene except the Judas.

Leonardo could not find his Judas. He looked everywhere. He would walk through the streets of Milan, some days for endless hours, searching the nameless faces in the crowds for a man who embodied how he envisioned Judas to have a looked. Eleven years passed in his search when he  finally realized he been looking for his Judas in the wrong places.

Leonardo thought, if I am to find a man who has the qualities and appearance of Judas, I must look where such men are gathered. With that in mind, Leonardo went to the prisons in and around Milan, searching for a man with pain and anger in his eyes, with harsh impatience on his face, with the scars of pride and bitterness on his cheeks, and with the marks of brokenness in his features – a man who looked to him like Judas.

After many days and many prisons, he came across that man. He explained to the man what he was doing and asked if he would be willing to pose for the painting.  The prisoner agreed, and Leonardo made arrangements for him to be brought to his studio in Milan under guard.

The following week he was brought to the studio, and Leonardo began the final stage of his work. As he painted, Leonardo noticed the prisoner was growing more restless and distressed, even by the hour. Leonardo observed that the man would look at him, and then at the paining, and every time he seemed to be filled with a certain remorseful sadness.

By the middle of the second day, Leonardo was so disturbed by what he was witnessing in his model that he stopped work and said to him, “Is there something wrong? Do you not like my work?” The prisoner said nothing, and Leonardo inquired once more, saying, “You seem very upset, and if I’m causing you pain in any way, perhaps we should stop.” The man looked at the master painter and then at the paining one more time. As his gaze fell away from the painting, he lowered his head, lifted his hands to his face, and began to weep inconsolably.

After several minutes, Leonardo was finally able to settle him down. “What is it?” he asked.

The prisoner looked expectantly into the artists eyes and said, “Do you not recognize me, master?”

In confusion, Leonardo replied, “No, have we met before?“

“Yes,“ the prisoner explained. “Eleven years ago I posed for you, for this same painting, as the person of Jesus.”

May I suggest in each of us there is a Judas and Jesus. Our lives here on earth are an incomplete work unless we can discover the Judas and Jesus within us. We must come to know our strengths and our weaknesses. It is often very easy to find Jesus within us. Too often we shrink from the task of examining our faults. Yet it is only by knowing the flaws and the defects of our character that we can begin to work to overcome them.

Our weaknesses are the keys to our richer more abundant future. Our strengths are already bearing the fruit they can. Our weaknesses are the un-farmed lands of our character. Pull the weeds from that land, till the soil, plant some seeds, and we will yield a great harvest.

Most people don’t want to know about their weaknesses. This is a classical sign of mediocrity. While the rest of us are standing around arguing for our weaknesses, ther heroes, leaders, the legends, champions, and the saints who in all the history books, went looking for their weaknesses. They didn’t hide their weaknesses and they didn’t hide from them. They woke early each morning and went out to face them, because they knew their weaknesses were the keys to their richer, more abundant future.

If you want your future to be bigger than your past, start to transform your weaknesses into strengths.

Are you prepared to face the Judas in you?

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When God was creating the universe, some of the angels were discussing where each of them felt God should hide the truth. One angel said, “I think God should hide the truth at the very summit of the highest mountain.” The next proclaimed, “I think God should hide the truth at the very depths of the ocean.” Another said, “No, I think God should hide the truth on the farthest star.”

God overheard the angels and spoke up, saying, “I will hide the truth in none of these places. I will hide the truth in the very depths of every man and every woman’s heart. This way, those who search humbly and sincerely will find it very easily, and those who do not will have to search the whole universe before they find it.

Well Said! Blessings as YOU GO FORTH APPLYING THE TRUTHS OF THESE STORIES IN YOUR LIFE TODAY WHILE ON YOUR BIG TECH DOMINATED TREADMILL>>>> merlin

My reading of late is becoming much more diverse and I am trying to provide you all a wider variety of topics that I think may be relevant for you. The heart of this post, possessing courage, impressed me months ago and tonight I saw it and decided to write about it. Perhaps Carl’s second advent message (Light replacing Darkness) and some of our Sunday School conversation afterwards prompted this composition.  

I would have done well to have applied this post’s principle of courage to my life even as a teenager. I was not an individual as a lad whom exhibited outstanding personal courage for my beliefs and convictions. In fact, I would say I’ve been a whimp for most of my life steering clear of controversy becoming abnormally quiet whenever the conversation turned controversial, or perhaps I’d just steer the conversation in another direction.

This being “whimpy” resulted for all the years I battled an inferiority complex (IC) and that may surprise you, but believe me, I earned that IC. It certainly was not inherited, or afflicted upon me, or by being raised in a cultural subset, or because of being in any form a victim of undesirable circumstances. No, my IC was the direct result of specific decisions I made  during my younger formative years when I clearly chose thought patterns, behaviors and activities that were in direct opposition to the promptings I initially received from my conscience. In time, the conscience’s wisdom diminished and my rational mind provided me an “adjusted truth” and I “functioned.” But, I never “flourished” because of that pesky IC!

Until just recently, that is! And my journey to my “freedom to flourish” is not relevant to this post just now, at least. What is relevant is that I made a decision to acknowledge my Essential Purpose (EP) in life. And you may be surprised to know that as a young lad by fourth grade I knew my EP and celebrated the  freedom it afforded me, before I succumbed to the thought patterns, behaviors and activities that destroyed my peace as spoke of by the rich man in the prior post.

I maintain regardless of your walk in life and your responsibilities at the moment, we all can benefit from a good dose of courage, courage for whatever challenge or situation we may be facing. Hopefully, you’ve not been incapacitated as long as I chose my bondage. Actually, Christmas and Easter exist to terminate IC’s, especially when you acknowledge your EP. Funny then, how courage will prevail naturally.

What follows are some paragraphs from Matthew Kelly’s business management primer “The Culture Solution” applicable to all of us whether in business, education, parenting, etc. driving home the point that once you understand your EP, managerial courage at whatever level you intersect it “is getting comfortable being uncomfortable.”    

Managerial courage is essential to a coaching culture, and coaching is essential to a dynamic culture. It all ties together and is essential to long-term success.

The secret to establishing this kind of culture and developing managerial courage is something that I have hinted at a few times throughout the book. It is one of the most important lessons I have learned in my career. I was familiar with the idea, but it never had really clicked with me. It was an HR leader who finally got it through my very thick skull.

I was in the boardroom with the leadership team of a very successful nonprofit that was experiencing massive growth, and a difficult decision needed to be made. There was George Josten, a 29-year-old HR professional. I don’t use that word, professional, lightly. He is a consummate professional. George was there to answer any HR related questions the leadership team might have as they worked their way through the problem at hand.

Conversation rambled around the room, moving from salient points that need to be considered to a clear discomfort with the decision that everyone knew needed to be made and acted upon expediently.

I turned to George, who is always the quiet observer, taking in all the data and other people’s perspectives before offering his thoughts, and asked, “What are your thoughts?”

“It seems that some of you are trying to get comfortable with this. The thing I would say is that you are probably never going to get comfortable with it, but don’t forget, he has put you in this situation. You hired him to do something very specific, which he said he could do, and he has failed to do it. Now you need to let him go, and you are trying to get comfortable with that. You are not supposed to be comfortable with some of the stuff. Your discomfort points to an emotional intelligence that probably makes you very, very good at serving this organization. The goal here is to make the right decision. The goal is not to get comfortable. You are a relatively new leadership team and these things are going to come up from time to time. They do even in the best organizations. You have to get comfortable being uncomfortable.“

Wow. I just sat there. Twenty-nine years old. “You have to get comfortable being uncomfortable.” Brilliant. Powerful and practical. On one hand he told them it’s OK to be uncomfortable and you should be. But at the same time, you have to be OK with being uncomfortable and do what needs to be done.

It was one of the best moments on a team ever. I talk about it all the time. If you want to be a good leader, coach, parent, spouse, friend, and so on, the faster you get comfortable being uncomfortable, the better.

Managerial courage just might be the art of getting comfortable being uncomfortable. What I am certain of is this; if we want to build a Dynamic Culture in our business, our church, our families, with our spouse, we all need to get comfortable being uncomfortable. A Culture Advocate celebrates mission as king even when it is uncomfortable.

Merlin here now, and don’t forget, discovering your EP is the precursor to enhancing your Courage to grow your Dynamic Culture as a Culture Advocate, whether in business, church, family, your spouse or friends. Do celebrate the brightness you’ve been given this Christmas!

Go Forth With Abundant Courage In The Pursuit of your EP!>>>> merlin

My blog from Nov 26^th referenced prayer and reflection as the second simple strategy to enhance your thankfulness. Great truths are sometimes expressed in few and simple words. As Scott Ashley wrote in an editorial, we’ve all seen the bumper sticker “No God, No Peace. Know God, Know Peace.” I’m not big on bumper stickers but seldom have so few words said so much since we live in a world of far too little “real God” and far too little “real peace.” It’s not hard to see the connection.

Merlin now speaking, I am reminded daily while out and about of the “illusiveness of peace” in the lives of many I meet. None I meet have experienced such success as exhibited in the following story, and seldom if ever are the people I meet even remotely aware of their lack of peace as this rich man expressed himself, let alone, candid and honest enough to forth rightly admit their extreme lack of “real peace.” I have included the following paragraphs from Kelly’s Rhythms of Life to flesh out the uniqueness, the functionality, and the bedrock importance of prayer and reflection in the daily routines of believers or Christ followers as the second simple strategy to enhance our thankfulness.

A few months ago, I spent a couple of days with a very wealthy gentleman in Europe, a friend of a friend. This man has more money than you and I could physically count in a lifetime. All his life he has worked very hard, and his achievements and businesses are admirable. One morning at breakfast, it was just the two of us and he began to speak. “There is something different about you, Matthew. I don’t know what it is, but it is special and rare. You make me ponder life.” I said nothing, and he said nothing for several minutes. Then he continued, “I will tell you this because you are young and perhaps it will be of some use to you. I’m a very wealthy man. I have more houses than 10 families could live in, more boats and cars than I could ever use, more money than I could ever spend. Everywhere I go I am treated like royalty…. but I have no peace. Peace…. and the funny thing is I would give everything I have, the things I’ve spent my whole life building for just a little peace. As a little boy I had it, but now as an old man, I have no peace.“ The most overwhelming sorrow and pity for this man welled up inside me, and I wondered how many others felt this way. I couldn’t help but think to myself, it’s not a “funny thing,“ it’s a tragedy.

As time goes by, what I discover most about people is that we want to live in peace.

This is why in a time when so many people are turning their backs on prayer, I am trying to embrace prayer with my whole being. Prayer gives me that peace. Prayer teaches me to use my life for a worthy purpose. Prayer reveals that purpose. Prayer warns me when I wander from the narrow path. Prayer increases my ability to love, and my ability to be loved. Prayer fills me with hope, and that hope is not the conviction that everything will turn out well, but rather the certainty that the way I am spending my life makes sense regardless of how it turns out. Prayer allows me to live my life in peace.

If you look into the eyes of the people you meet today, you will see clouds and storms, fear and doubt, confusion and worry, anxiety and restlessness. But very rarely, in this day and age that has turned it back on prayer, do you ever look into a person’s eyes and see the calm, still, peaceful waters of a crystal-clear lake.

Prayer is essential. Prayer cuts through and clarifies. Prayer reminds us of what is really important. Prayer awakens our awareness to our legitimate needs. Prayer is a great friend to introduce us to ourselves. Prayer is the great mediator that introduces us to God. Prayer is The faithful friend who points out who we are and who we are capable of being. Prayer reveals the deepest desires of our hearts and points out the path that was ordained for us from the beginning of time. Prayer whispers those golden words “That is your star, go now and follow it”. Prayer gifts us with purpose and direction and peace while in pursuit of that direction. Prayer is both a journey and a destination. Prayer is opportunity to become intimately familiar with the better person we know we can be — and that familiarity is the beginning of wisdom. Prayer helps. Prayer is important. Prayer is needed. We need prayer. Prayer doesn’t need us, and God doesn’t need prayer. Prayer doesn’t help God, it helps us. It isn’t something we must do, it is something we should do. I pray because I cannot help it. I pray because I am a better person when I do.

Pray.

FYI, according to the NIV Exhaustive Concordance, the word “pray” is used 121 times whereas “prayed” is used 68 times, “prayer” 106 times, “prayers” 32 times, “praying” 36 times, and “prays” 12 times. Likely sufficient admonition to go and do likewise!

Blessings as YOU GO FORTH REVELING IN YOUR PEACE BY KNOWING GOD…. FOR TRUE WORSHIP IS REVEALED BY WHO WE OBEY, NOT WHO WE SING TO>>>>  merlin

I admit to selfishly having enjoyed this past Sunday afternoon by listening to an entire book in one setting like I’ve not experienced for far too long. Struggling to win over a prevailing sore throat for a week, I was basically quarantined from people and confined to my office to avoid afflicting anyone else, which is a bummer during a Holiday weekend and what’s even worse, I’m not entirely sure I’ve won the battle yet.

But before leaving Sunday afternoon, my eldest son Ben, suggested I read two books that he had recently read while on vacation in Viet Nam. And by 10 pm, I had finished listening to the first one by Robert Spalding titled “Stealth War: How China Took Over While America’s Elite Slept.” You may remember last Thanksgiving Ben introduced me to Matthew Kelly who was exactly the author I needed to read from extensively during my recuperation period and my life’s course adjustment.  I am not exactly sure how Stealth War may impact me in the next year, as that as with everything, depends entirely on how we allow God to facilitate or coordinate all the variables in our lives. Micro-managing or facilitating my life is not my big concern any longer. Knowing one’s essential life’s purpose provides a focus so that my goal now is to simply obey His bidding, which I’m suspecting this author was doing when he wrote this book, a goal espoused by many of us but too seldom actually practiced, by me at least! It is a story that really needs to be told, portions I’m sure that are in stark contradiction to the fake news surrounding us today. The following paragraphs are taken from the book’s promos.

China expert Robert Spalding reveals the shocking success China has had infiltrating America institutions and compromising our national security.

The media often suggest that the Russia poses is the greatest threat to America’s national security, but the real danger lives farther east. While those in power have been distracted and  disorderly, China has waged a 6-front war on America’s economy, military, diplomacy, technology, education, and infrastructure — and they are winning. It’s almost too late to do the shocking, though nearly invisible, victories of the Chinese.

In Stealth War, retired Air Force Brigadier General Robert Spalding reveals China’s motives and secrete attacks on the West. Chronicling how our leaders have failed to protect us over recent decades, he provides shocking evidence of some of China most brilliant ploys, including:

1. Placing Confucius Institutes in universities across the United States that serve to monitor and control Chinese students on campus and spread communist narratives to unsuspecting American students.

2. Offering enormous sums to American experts to create investment funds that funnel technology to China.

3. Signing a 30 year agreement with the US that allows China to share peaceful nuclear technology, ensuring that they have access to American nuclear know-how.

Spaulding’s concern isn’t merely that America could lose its position on the world stage. More urgently, the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) has a fundamental loathing of the legal protections America grants its people and seeks to create a world without those rights.

Despite all the damage done so far, Spalding shows how it is still possible for the US and the rest of the free world to combat and win China’s stealth war.

Robert Spalding is a national security strategist and a globally recognized expert on Chinese economic competition and influence. He retired from the US Air Force as a brigadier general. He is a former pilot of theB-2 Stealth Bomber, as well as former director for strategic planning at the National Security Council in the White House. He was the chief architect for the widely praised National Security Strategy.

Rob has lived in mainland China, both as an Olmstead scholar and as the senior defense official at the US Embassy in Beijing, and traveled extensively throughout Asia. He is fluent in Mandarin. During the 2016 UUD incident, Rob averted a diplomatic crisis by negotiating with the Chinese PLA for the return of the UV, without the aid of a translator.

Rob is a Life Member of the Council on Foreign Relations, and a Senior Fellow at the Hudson Institute, Washington, D.C.

This book is an executive summary of the last six years of Rob’s efforts to combat the influence of the Chinese Communist Party in America and around the world.

To watch Rob’s interviews on Fox News and CNBC, as well as numerous radio and YouTube channels, concerning matters of national security, 5G, and foreign policy, visit armchaireconomist.io.

Stress isn’t bad. Stress all the time is bad. Downtime isn’t a waste  of time. Too much downtime is a waste of time. Money doesn’t drive performance. Passion and purpose drive performance.

You can’t get more time, but you can have more energy. It is time to unleash the energy factor in your life. How? With three simple but powerful instruments. The first involves regular sleep. The second deals with regular prayer and reflection. The third instrument delves into the ancient tradition of the seventh day as a day of rest, reflection, and renewal.

It is these three instruments that shine the light of wisdom into the deep places of our hearts, minds, bodies, and spirits, revealing to us all our strengths and weaknesses. They encourage us to look at the different areas of our lives and to examine different aspects of ourselves – to observe the ways we respond to certain events, activities, people, and circumstances.

From this we gain the self-knowledge to place us in the position to understand our legitimate needs in each of the four areas of life – physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual.

These three instruments therefore lay the foundation for these needs to be met. The result is a man and a woman completely in harmony with themselves. This harmony produced by this rhythm of life increases our effectiveness in our work. It makes us more present in our relationships, and empowers us with a spiritual presence and focus – all of which gives birth to that deep and abiding peace, an inexpressible joy and satisfaction, and a sense of fulfillment that burns within us, igniting an excitement and a passion for life.  

Provided by Matthew Kelly from his book, “The Rhythm of Life: Living Everyday with Passion & Purpose.”

Blessings This Thanksgiving As You Reflect Utilizing The Three Instruments We’ve All Been Gifted!! … merlin

On October 7, I introduced you to Christian Moore’s “Resilience Break-Through” and this evening I just finished it. Continuing in the vein of “flipping-the-switch” I’ve chosen to share his electronic device assessment for this post. The following is verbatim from his book beginning on page 84.

“I’ve put together a short self-assessment to help determine whether your own use of electronics devices, (or as I like to call them, ED‘s) is having a negative impact on your emotional intimacy – in other words, whether you have electronic device disorder (EDD).

To get a better sense of how important your EDs are to you, give yourself one point for each statement that describes you and then read the recommendations for your score. (Remember: the assessment is only valuable as long as you are willing to be honest and do your best to avoid self-deception. You might want to consider asking someone who knows you well enough to answer on your behalf to give you a more complete and accurate perspective.) If you find that even just one or two of these questions describes your use of EDs, you may need to make a conscious effort to connect more with actual people and limit the amount of time you spend electronically connected. I know this is easier said than done, but it is absolutely vital to a healthy relationship.

+When spending time with other people, I can’t help occasionally pulling out my ED and checking it for updates.

+The information I obtain on my ED is more relevant to me then the information I am receiving from people in front of me.

+I can’t sit through an entire movie, game, or other event without checking my ED.

+The first thing I do in the morning or the last thing I do at night is look at my ED.

+When driving, I have a strong desire to reach for my ED.

+I can’t attend a family event without using my ED.

+I can closely predict the remaining battery life on my portable ED.

+The frequency with which I check email is much greater than the actual number of emails received.

+When I don’t access social media, I feel disconnected or frustrated.

+I communicate with more people through my ED than I do in person.

+People close to me have complained about the amount of time I spend on my ED.

+I feel anxious if I leave my ED at home or am ever away from it.

+I always know where my ED is.

+I feel a surge of excitement when I receive notifications on my ED.

How to interpret your score

You should have one point for each of the statements in the list that describes you.

1-2 points: You’ve got it under control. You are in the safe zone. If you can maintain the balance you currently have between the real world and technology, you’ll never be at risk of electronic-device disorder (EDD).

3-4 points: You have symptoms. You like your ED, but you’re not nearly as hooked as a majority of the population, and use your ED primarily for communication and a little bit for entertainment. Be careful not to get hooked on too many ED features that can slowly detach you from the people around you.

5-6 points: You are mildly disordered. In my observation, most people fit in this category. You love your ED, and without realizing it, you may be disengaging from others. Your family and close friends are probably the most aware of your EDD when they’re trying to make conversation or get your attention. Try putting your ED in another room for a few hours a day and really focusing in on your loved ones, others significant relationships, or a worthwhile hobby.

7-8 points: Electronic-device disorder has fully kicked in. If you score this high you’re in the danger zone! Pick one night a week to turn off your ED and focus instead on your family, friends, or a worthwhile interest. Gradually increase the number of nights a week you do this until your EDD score is between 1 and 3.

9 or more: EDD rehab is in your future. This is a severe case! Your life would literally cease to function if you were deprived of your ED, and that means you’re shutting yourself out of relationships and endeavors that matter most. Turn off your phone when you are driving, in a meeting, or eating a meal with someone you care about. Once you’re able to do this without experiencing anxiety, start turning it off one night a week, gradually increasing the number of nights a week you do this until your EDD score is between one and three.

Note: You may be tempted to give this assessment to someone you think needs it. Be careful, as this could make someone defensive without more context.

What message are you sending?

If you were a parent and this is something you struggle with, you might want to give your kids permission to ask you, “Mom/Dad, is what you’re doing on your phone right now more important than paying attention to me?” when they feel ignored or frustrated by your EDD. It’s also good to be aware that our kids themselves are growing up addicted to and overstimulated by these devices. We may one day feel rejected as our kids choose electronic devices over us, and at the same time we may be contributing to their addiction if we don’t give them guidelines and rules about their usage. Remember that song from the ‘70s, “Cats in the Cradle“? It was a popular song about a dad who didn’t have time for his son, and then the son grows up and doesn’t have time for his old and lonely dad. That may be us one day, recognizing the sad irony as the next generation grows up to be just like us – too plugged in to connect.”

The above is quite revealing and disturbing to me, and of course, my ego wants to snap back with “I’m the exception because of …..but my weaker maturity kicks in with “yeah, yeah, YOU always think YOU are the exception when actually you are not because….!!

Blessings as YOU GO FORTH TODAY FULLY “CONNECTING FOR REAL” … WHILE REMAINING SUFFICIENTLY “ED- DISCONNECTED” TO BE REAL!!!      merlin

Taken from Pray For ME Prayer Guide: The Prayer Champion’s Guide to Essential Prayer For the Next Generation by Tony Souder

Week Four Day One…. Page 59

Father, open my eyes so that I might see you more clearly, savor you more fully, and share you more freely.

1.) Circle or underline any keywords and phrases you See:

… since he himself gives to all mankind life and breath and everything…..  “in him we live and move and have our being.” (Act 17:25, 28)

What do you have that you did not receive? If then you received it, why do you boast as if you did not receive it? (I Corinthians 4:7)

2.) Savor these truths in prayer for you and your student:

“Father, every breath is a gift of your grace and favor.

It is from your hand that we have life and breath and all things today.

It is in you that we live and move and have our being.

Keep us from taking your constant sustaining goodness for granted.

Create genuine delight in our hearts today for each breath.

Give us eyes to see the wonder of your sustaining favor, and cause our hearts to be full with thanksgiving.

For your glory and our good, in the all sustaining name of Jesus,

Amen.”

3.) Write down any thoughts or ideas you may want to share.

Blessings as YOU GO FORTH TODAY DECLARING HIS CONSTANT SUSTAINING GOODNESS AND FAVOR…….. merlin

Christian Moore is a licensed clinical social worker (LCSW) and founder of the WhyTry Program, resilience education curriculum for youth.

Coming from a blended family of twelve children, Christian spent most of his childhood years on the streets. In a neighborhood just outside of Washington DC, he was exposed to a wide array of social problems, which opened his eyes to the many injustices that exist in our world today. These experiences, combined with severe learning disabilities and an inner-city volunteer experience as a youth, all contributed to Christian’s eventual decision to become a social worker and help others who struggle with similar challenges. After fighting his way to receiving a master of social work (MSW) and working in education, corrections, and a homeless program, Christian recognized the need for a new approach and created WhyTry.

Thousands of school districts across the US have had Christian consult on how to increase resilience, lower dropout, improve school climate, prevent bullying, lower the achievement gap, and improve academics through teaching social and emotional education to all students.

Christian lives in the Rocky Mountains with his wife, Wendy, and their two sons, carson and Cooper.

I have selected the following paragraphs to introduce you to Christian’s Flip the Switch concept that builds resilience.

Resilience is the ability to endure pain, to press on, even if you’re not winning. The ability to show up, to keep going, or even to just continue to go through the motions while you’re dealing with failure, depression, anxiety, hopelessness, addiction, legal problems, an abusive spouse, unemployment, a terminal illness – the list of struggles that are part of the human condition is endless – creates dignity. It creates self-respect. There is an honor in pressing through even the worst of circumstances. Pain channeled in a positive direction is the greatest thing that can happen to you.

Because of the vastness of the human experience, we all process pain differently with varying levels of ability, and we must have great compassion for others and not judge someone who appears less resilient.  However, resilience is what makes a difference between those who succumb to problems and those who fight through them. In each of those scenarios, one person got caught in the self-pity and blaming, becoming a victim and shutting down. The other person, however was resilient. They were able to say to themselves, I’m going to use this difficult situation as fuel to try harder.

I call this “Flipping the Switch.“ When you Flip the Switch, you stop for a moment, realize that you can turn your pain into power, move forward, committed to being resilient. Let’s look closer at the powerful edge that Flipping the Switch can give you.

How an Inmate can have an advantage over a Harvard grad

I’ve taught the concept of Flipping the Switch in some interesting places. After speaking to a group of students in an inner-city school, I was approached by an administrator immediately after my speech and asked if I had time to speak to a group of juvenile offenders in a local detention center that very afternoon. I had time before my flight, so I agreed, and they rushed me over to a lockdown facility full of boys ages 12 to 18 who had committed terrible crimes, including rape and murder. This was definitely a rough crowd.

Since the decision to have me speak was made last minute, the director of the facility didn’t have much warning that I was coming. She didn’t know anything about me or what I was going to be speaking about. These juvenile offenders are on a highly regimented schedule, and usually I need 20 or 30 minutes to set up my equipment. The director was obviously agitated, and as I started to get ready she angrily said, “They’re coming in right now! You don’t have time to get set up. Do you know who these kids are? What are you going to say to these boys?” In her defense, she was caught off guard, but it wasn’t hard to hear what she was really saying. I imagined her looking at me, a short fat, white guy from upper-middle-class suburbia, and thinking I was way out of my league. What could I possibly have to say of value to these young men? The offenders – mostly African-Americans and a few Latinos, started slouching into the room. “Put your computer away,“ she said. “Go.“ I walked to the front of the room, and she left the room as I began to speak.

The boys lean back in the chairs, not making eye contact with me. Their body language said, what you got? and there was a ton of attitude in the room. They weren’t into it at all. I walked over to the wall and start flipping the light switch on and off. The room, with only one small window by the door, went very dark each time I turned off the light. And every time light once again flooded the room, I saw the boys looking at me like, Are you crazy?

With my finger still on the switch, I said, “I’m about to teach you something, and if you are able to really understand it, every one of you in this room could have an advantage over a student at Harvard.” That got the room quiet; the scraping of chair legs and shuffling of feet stopped. Now I had their attention.

I explained to them what it means to Flip the Switch – that they had the power to see their challenges differently and convert their anger into the fuel to be better. “The only thing that really gives someone in jail an advantage over someone at Harvard, “I said, “is how quickly they realize that the switch is there. That Harvard guy, he might not realize it’s there until he’s 60 years old. Or never. You guys right now are teenagers. Can you imagine the power of knowing that switch is there when you’re 15 or 16? The switch equals the awareness that you can use pain, disappointment and tragedy as fuel to overcome life’s challenges. That you can see your problems as your best friend. I’m telling you, there are a lot of adults you never knew they had this capacity. I have family members who have lived on this Earth 80 years and they never knew they could Flip the Switch. They only saw their problems as a reason to be angry, upset, feel disrespected, and turn to depression, anxiety, or hopelessness. These are educated people! And they only saw their pain as a reason to give up.

“Anybody here ever messed up?“ I asked, scanning the room. “Anybody hear have any great pain in your life?“ All of those boys raised their hands, and most were now making full eye contact with me. “You’ve got the fuel! You got the fuel already in you! You got to use that fuel to become greater. I don’t care where the fuel came from, whether it’s poverty, abuse, you hurting someone else, your dad dying, or your mom in prison…. I don’t know where your fuel comes from. But you got the fuel. Anybody here frustrated?” “Again all hands went up. “Use the fuel, I’m telling you! If you use the fuel you have an advantage over somebody at Harvard who doesn’t know how to use the fuel. There are people who run multimillion dollar corporation‘s or have PhDs that don’t get this. If you understand how to Flip the Switch, you WILL have the advantage.“

I paced the room trying to look into each of the boys’ faces. They were looking up now, leaning forward eagerly. I shouted out a challenge; “Every night I want you to ask yourself, ‘Am I Flipping the Switch?’ When you mess up, are you giving up or trying to become greater? Because the reality is, everyone messes up. The most resilient people use the mess as a reason to become greater. Everyone has nights when they go to bed with fear, frustration, anxiety, and anger. You’ve got to Flip the Switch, and consciously decide to wake up tomorrow and work as hard as you can to do the best that you can. You consciously decide to not get hung up in all the crap. That’s what resilient people do. When you walk out of here, you can use your pain as fuel to be a better employee, A better son, a better father. Because of this difficult situation, you’re going to become greater.”

I explain to them that the reality is, they’re in jail. They are going to sit there for five, ten years – however long their sentence is. Time is constantly moving, no matter where they are, and they could spend their time there being angry and rebellious, or they could work on Flipping the Switch. I told them that the minute they Flip the Switch, their emotions flip as well, and that if they do this, previously unforeseen options will eventually open up to them. Things they might never have dreamed of will come together. Once they were committed to this course of action, I said, doors would open for them, doors they didn’t even know existed.

By the end of my speech, those young men were fully engaged. You could’ve heard a pin drop in that room. Afterward, they stood in line to talk to me. They were emotional and sincerely thanked me, saying things like “I see the world different” and asking me questions, hungry for more. They were extremely respectful, former attitudes and wariness forgotten. It was an intense and amazing experience for me as I felt their emotional eagerness. They’d come in rolling their eyes, and they left shaking my hand.

When the director returned, two supervisors who had remained in the back of the room pulled her over and talked to her. She then came to me, thanked me for coming, and apologized for being upset earlier. “I misjudged you,“ she said. “My staff told me this was one of the best speeches they’ve ever heard.“

As a side note, it’s interesting that I had to Flip the Switch during my interactions with this director. I agreed to volunteer my time and speak to this group last minute. When she was condescending and rude to me, not allowing me to set up, my initial reaction was to get angry and defend myself. However, I knew that the most important thing was for me to have the chance to help these kids, not to get even with her. With that thought in mind, I was able to Flip the Switch – to draw upon my anger and convert it into energy for my talk.

My good friend Daniel Gerber suggested I read this book titled “The Resilience Breakthrough: 27 Tools for Turning Adversity into Action” by Christian Moore and a Foreword by Stephen Covey.

The author details on page 34 that once you are aware that the switch exists, you will need the ability to flip it. Follow these steps to do so.

1.) Combat denial and acknowledge that there is a problem. Realize the reality of your pain from where you’re standing. Pain can occur anywhere across a wide spectrum  – it could stem from a true crisis or simply a the day-to-day hardships that mow you over. Whether you’re overwhelmed by laundry or loosing your home, accept that the situation is your reality. However, a word of caution here – it’s also important to keep things in perspective. Don’t get bogged down in the negativity; acknowledge that you can still get up and do something no matter what your reality is, and that while everything may seem hopeless, life evolves quickly.

2.) Ask yourself the Flip the Switch question: How can I use this emotional pain, challenge, or situation to better my circumstances and make me more resilient – today, this hour, this minute, this second?

3.) Do the opposite of what people would normally do in a similar situation. Even if a certain response is understandable, valid even, do the opposite. When you Flip the Switch, you’re turning the situation on its head – you’re turning bad into good, pain into power.

4.) Pay attention to how you feel inside when you decide to Flip the Switch. You’re likely to feel more energized, hopeful, and motivated. This will inspire you to continue to Flip the Switch in the long term. This will increase your awareness and allow you to feel more in control enabling hope and optimism to grow.

Christian Moore has inspired me in dimensions as a non-practicing educator I was sorely needing. You as teachers and social worker types may well be familiar with Christian’s books. He certainly raises the bar for professing believers and especially for you at Kidron Mennonite this morning who heard Pastor Carl’s sermon on “Steps to the Future: Decide.” Bottom line, we must decide when summoned by God whether we’ll 1.) Offer Him our Excuses or 2.) Accept His Expectations! Our excuses come easy but our obedience at the table of God’s support is rare considering His Expectations and Resources; including Promises, Perceptions (our finite vs. His infinite), Power, Provision, and Purpose!

Christian grew up on the streets as a drug runner with severe learning disabilities who is now definitely leaving his imprint all over his sphere of influence. He took his finite less than “normal” talents and “grew” them into a legacy matched by few even with a full deck of their faculties. Please understand this introduction in no way summarizes the vast content Christian portrays in this book.

Blessings as You Go Forth creating your legacy in the full array of God’s expectations designed specifically for YOU and your talents >>>>> merlin