FYI

This little book in less than 7000 words has exerted major influence on me since I first read it  a year ago. I told a friend when he emailed me today that he was listening to his Kindle version, and perhaps you can identify with this though I hope not, but somehow I got my PhD in Self-Absorption before I was out of the third grade. Go figure! And this happened in a poverty stricken MN dairy farm family in an ultra-conservative WASPish Mennonite loving home totally free of today’s media crazed indulgences; BUT reading was greatly encouraged and my education was of paramount importance!

But even I in this desolate environment without electric until four, getting water in the house when I was eight and a bathroom when 11, must realize that by the time I was in the third grade, I was totally aware I was obsessed with personal success at all costs, and I masterminded manipulation in all areas of my young life; school activities, friendships whether in school or church or with siblings, constantly evaluating what cards to play when, so as to insure I got what I wanted. Early on I learned that excelling way over the top, particularly in school or chores, opened doors for selfish opportunities and indulgences the laggards could only dream of, and that selfish attitude, actually was nearly the ruination of my life. Period.

Today the word I believe put forth is entitlements … used for the financially challenged but I’m not talking financially, but rather, mentally and psychologically, where the likes of me when younger, perceived achievement and position permitted liberties to be taken in whatever forms (entitlements) that feed our quests at the moment. And yes, I understood this total Self-Absorption early on and unfortunately, never really understood what was happening until reading the likes of Tim Keller who is extremely skilled in presenting the gospel message to messed up pseudo intellectual minds such as myself. Today in the media we frequently see grown-up examples of me, such as the movers and shakers, getting caught in their webs; whether in academia, politics, business, medicine, church, etc.     

Now one more observation if you will and I hope this rocks all you parents and GP’s to your core, because if I was able in my childhood environment virtually devoid of any media influence ( except for weekly local newspaper, farm magazines, Readers Digest, Christian Living, Gospel Herald, radio (and Christian radio), to get so weird and selfish in my Self-Absorption, (not fully comprehending the significance of  such terms as we are discussing now, Self-Esteem, Ego, Self-Worth, Pride, Humility, etc.) THEN JUST CONSIDER what our youngsters and teens are contending with today. Consider just how pervasive the onslaught of the programming of their minds and intellect has been already and will continue to be from this culture. Is it fair to say perhaps we are just a tad deceived about whether they even know where the tools are to engage their future, not to mention if they can access (use) them effectively… Something to think about. The good news is we have access like never before in history to equip our youngsters and youth to engage now and destroy the likes of my self-absorption debacle and empower them with Truth and Wisdom.

This may be a short book but it is loaded with truths; simple actually, but it will take multiple exposures to fully comprehend and then utilize. This blog may not always be a walk in the park. Some of you will choose to ignore tackling the messages I’m compelled to share. I’ve been there and done that.. just never wore the T-shirt! Direction, Not Intention, Determines Destination!

I’ll post Chapter One, The Natural Condition of The Human Ego on Friday (15th) and the remaining two, on the Fridays following.

Blessings AS YOU GO Forth>>>>   Merlin

The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness

I am compelled to share this powerful book with you. It is a quick 30 minute read written by Tim Keller in 2012 for Christians grappling with self-esteem; whether yours or theirs! What follows below is the Introduction for his book “The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness:  The Path To True Christian Joy” The three points at the end constitute the three chapters in this quick read that belongs in every serious Christian’s library. I’ll attempt to post the three chapters in a “timely manner” but I suggest you invest now or download a sample from either Kindle or Audible. His subtitle, The Path to True Christian Joy” is spot on. Enjoy.

What are the marks of a heart that has been radically changed by the grace of God? If we trust in Christ, what should our hearts be like? It is not simply a matter of morally virtuous behavior. It is quite possible to do all sorts of morally virtuous things when our hearts are filled with fear, with pride or a with a desire for power. We are talking about hearts that have been changed, at the root, by the grace of God – and what that look like in real life.

We will be focusing on a section of Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians – I Corinthians 3:21 –4:7. “So then, no more boasting about men! All things are yours, whether Paul or Apollos or Cephas or the world of life or death or the present or the future– all are yours, and you are of Christ, and Christ is of God. So then, men ought to regard us as servants of Christ and as those entrusted with the secret things of God. Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful. I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. It is the Lord who judges me. Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men’s hearts. At that time each will receive his praise from God. Now brothers, I have applied those things to myself and Apollos for your benefit, so that you may learn from us the meaning of the saying, “Do not go beyond what is written.”Then you will not take pride in one man over against another. For who makes you different from anyone else? What do you have that you did not receive? And if you did receive it, why do you boast as though you did not? I Cor 3:21 – 4:7.

The Corinthian church was filled with division. It had originally been planted by Paul. But as we see from the references to Apollos and Cephas, other evangelists had come to Corinth later on. As a result, different people had connections with different prominent ministers. So one person was mentored and discipled by Paul, another was mentored and appointed in leadership by Apollos (another great teacher) and so forth. Instead of everybody being happy that they had a relationship with Paul or Apollos, these relationships are now the basis for power-play. Parties have arisen and divisions are tearing the church up. One person argues that he should be the leader because he was discipled  by Paul, the Saint Paul. Another lays claim to a particular relationship with some other prominent minister. And so on.

In this passage, Paul shows that the root cause for the division is pride and boasting. That is the reason we cannot get along, the reason there is no peace in the world and the reason we cannot live at peace with one another. Have a look. Verse 21 starts off ‘no more boasting’, chapter 4:7 says ‘why do you boast …?’; and note verse 6 especially when he urges them not to ‘take pride in one man over another’.

‘No pride, no boasting,’ says Paul. So we are after the trait of humility. And that means we get into the very interesting subject of self-esteem.

Up until the twentieth century, traditional cultures (and this is still true of most cultures in the world) always believed that too high a view of yourself was the root cause of all the evil in the world. Why are people abused? Why are people cruel? Why do people do the bad things they do? Traditionally, the answer was hubris – the Greek word meaning pride or too high a view of yourself. Traditionally, that was the reason given for why people misbehave.

But in our modern western culture, we have developed an utterly opposite cultural consensus. The basis of contemporary education, the way we treat incarcerated prisoners, the foundation of most modern legislation and the starting point for modern counselling is exactly the opposite of the traditional consensus. Our belief today – and it is deeply rooted in everything – is that people misbehave for lack of self-esteem and because they have too low a view of themselves. For example, the reason husbands beat their wives and the reason people are criminals is because they have too low a view of themselves. People used to think it was because they had too high a view of themselves and had too much self-esteem. Now we say it is because we have too little self-esteem.

A few years ago, there was an article in the New York Times magazine (Feb 3, 2003) by psychologist Lauren Slater called ‘The Trouble with Self-Esteem‘. It was not a ground-breaking article or a bolt out of the blue. She was simply beginning to report what the experts had known for years. The significant thing she says is that there is no evidence that low esteem is a big problem in society. She quotes three current studies into the subject of self-esteem, all of which reach this conclusion and she states that ‘people with high self-esteem pose a greater threat to those around them than people with low self-esteem and feeling bad about yourself is not the source of our country’s biggest, most expensive social problems.’

It would be fun to explain how that works and why that works and so on. But, for now, let’s just say she is right when she says it will take years and years for us to accept this. It is so deeply rooted in our psyche that lack of self-esteem is the reason why there is drug addiction, the reason there is crime, wife beating,and so forth. Slater says it is going to take forever for this view to change.

You see, the big thing about the ‘low self-esteem theory of misbehavior’ is that it is very attractive. You do not have to make any moral judgements in order to deal with society’s problems. All you have to do is support people and build them up. In traditional cultures, the way you dealt with these problems was that you clamped down on people and convicted them and called them bad!

What is intriguing about this passage in I Corinthians is that it gives us an approach to self-regard, an approach to the self and a way of seeing ourselves that is absolutely different from both the traditional and the post/modern contemporary  cultures. Utterly different!

The three things that Paul shows us here are:

  1. The natural condition of the human ego.
  2. The transformed sense of self (which Paul had discovered and which can be brought about through the gospel).
  3. How to get that transformed sense of self.

Time Out!

Good  morning everyone. I have several other pieces ready to post but my spirit is telling me “not now, maybe later, maybe never.” Strange, how I’ve been processing what’s next in my sub-conscious mind for better than a week and first I made the decision to revise and fine tune the “About this site” blurb. The only blog I ever followed was 6-8 years ago when my college room mate and his wife traveled coast to coast from CA to MD on a tandem bicycle. What a joy to join them on that trip of a lifetime! But my experience with blogs though positive, was very minimal.

So now we’re into this adventure nearly three months and already my focus is changing. First, I desire shorter posts more frequently on pertinent faith facilitating topics; such as book reviews from books I’ve read recently or whatever  I am passionate about …. and perhaps this is as a good time as any, for me to tell you real quick what makes me tick …. or not!

First and foremost, I covet an intimate growing relationship with the Trinity for that is the  foundation to my being. Key words here are intimate and growing … more recently for me; hopefully not so for you.

Second, to be a faith facilitator among everyone I meet encouraging people to consider the life options we each are given, and especially so, in the Anabaptist tradition as I recently condensed its tenants in the recent post Part Two of the Anabaptist Vision, introducing Discipleship, Brotherhood, and Love & Nonresistance.

Third, I am passionate about nurturing relationships on all levels, beginning first with who or what we worship, and that in turn will determine what drives a whole host of our primary and secondary relationships. For many, this may be reflected by brotherhood and discipleship ties. For others, the nuclear family or some facsimile is primary. The bottom line is that for too many of us, we are not experiencing the fullness of intimacy in our relationships that we need to fully function as human beings, rather than merely human doings. Hence the numerous posts recently on the book Seven Levels of Intimacy. INTIMACY is absolutely not fully possible without love. I know this stuff. I wasted my life living selfishly without fully understanding love… and I’m passionate about you realizing that real JOY in your relationships is always your choice, though it may not always be reciprocated! Consider the Gospels. 

Fourth, I’m passionate about expanding your mind and I personally use for my intelligence foundation Proverbs 9:10 “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.” Others may not share this “rooting”but we all can greatly facilitate our wisdom and minimize our difficulties in life by opening our minds to the intricacies in this universe. Traditionally,  reading was how we expanded our intellect. Today, we have Kindle, Audible, You Tubes, blogs, documentaries, etc. Endless opportunities. But yet, we are reminded in Psalms 46:10 “Be still ….

Recently, I began reading Paul Stutzman’s Wanderer series and am nearly completed having read all his books. Johnny has connected with my spirit very uniquely on a number of fronts. First, since my accident Sept 18 my life from here forward is totally up for grabs as was Johnny’s at numerous junctures, some by his own choosing and two particularly, fate touched him intimately; so with me. And just as he was struggling to gain strength to walk home without pain meds, so am I .. and just recently even though I’m done with therapy, I struggle thinking will I ever get back to walking without swelling and excruciating pain. Valuable insights and connections are made when we read, forcing our conscious minds out of the negative default media vacuum blasting us non-stop. At the moment, I can’t recall one fictional book I read since college days (Leon Uris .. Exodus) while eating Wheaties and sliced peaches in the smallest blue mixing bowl, although I’m sure there were some.

In the last few years I’ve mostly listened to hundreds of books of a wide variety, likely 95% selected if not purchased by Loretta; but none were fictional, for I did not have time for fiction, that was indeed a waste of time (perhaps a typical attitude for a workaholic). Perhaps in instances a poor investment, but certainly not always. It is so interesting that once again, Loretta as in most of my retooling, encouraged me to read Paul’s books and in fact purchased them all since she knew I wouldn’t spend the money .. but I always read and enjoy them. And isn’t it remarkable now, how Paul Stutzman has facilitated countless “faith building clips” for my future “mental savoring” from Johnny’s experiences! 

So, therefore and not so quickly either, perhaps you better understand my life’s passions. Quite simple actually. Perhaps passions are best refined and most effectively presented when derived from life’s experiences personally gone awry?

Do read the site blurb closely. I’m working at removing the “comment box” and it may appear again until I figure out how to delete it. Do email me directly if you need to at merlin.erb@gmail.com     Thanks for reading!

 Blessings as YOU GO FORTH>>>>

The Anabaptist Vision

Part Two of  Two

Discipleship

First and fundamental in the Anabaptist vision was the conception of the essence of Christianity as discipleship. It was a concept which meant the transformation of the entire way of life of the individual believer and of society so that it should be fashioned after the teachings and example of Christ. The Anabaptists could not understand a Christianity which made regeneration, holiness, and love primarily a matter of intellect, of doctrinal belief, or of subjective “experience,” rather than one of the transformation of life. They demanded an outward expression of the inner experience. Repentance must be “evidenced” by newness of behavior. “In evidence” is the keynote which rings through the testimonies and challenges of the early Swiss brethren when they are called to give an account of themselves. The whole life was to be brought literally under the lordship of Christ in a covenant of discipleship, a covenant which the Anabaptist writers delighted to emphasize. The focus of the Christian life was to be not so much the inward experience of the grace of God, as it was for Luther, but the outward application of that grace to all of human conduct and the consequent Christianization of all human relationships.

The great word of the Anabaptists was not “faith” as it was with the reformers, but “following.” And baptism, the greatest of Christian symbols, was accordingly to be for them the “covenant of a good conscience toward God” (I Peter 3:21), the pledge of a complete commitment to obey Christ, and not primarily the symbol of a past experience. The Anabaptists had faith, indeed, but they used it to produce a life. Theology was for them a means, not an end.

That the Anabaptists not only proclaimed the ideal of full Christian discipleship but achieved, in the eyes of their opponents, a measurably higher level of performance than the average, is fully witnessed by the sources. The early Swiss and South German reformers were keenly aware of this achievement and its attractive power. Zwingli knew it best of all, but Bullinger , Capito, Vadian, and many others confirm his judgement that the Anabaptist Brethren were unusually sincere, devoted and effective Christians. However, since the Brethren refused to accept the state church system which the reformers were building, and in addition made “radical” demands which might have changed the entire social order, the leaders of the Reformation were completely baffled in their understanding of the movement. In Zwingli’s last book against the Swiss Brethren in 1527 for instance, the following is found: “If you investigate their life and conduct, it seems at first contact irreproachable, pious, unassuming, attractive, yea, above this world. Even those inclined to be critical will say their lives are excellent.”

And the Roman Catholic theologian, Franz Agricola, in his book of 1582, Against the Terrible Errors of the Anabaptists, says: “Among existing heretical sects there is none which in appearance leads a more modest or pious life than the Anabaptist. As concerns their outward public life they are irreproachable. No lying, deception, swearing, strife, harsh language, no intemperate eating and drinking, no outward personal display is found amongst them, but humility, patience, uprightness, neatness, honesty, temperance, straight forwardness, in such measure that one would suppose that they had the Holy Spirit of God.

2. Brotherhood

A second major element in the Anabaptist vision, a new concept of the church was created by the central principle of newness of life and applied Christianity. Voluntary church membership based upon true conversion and involving a commitment to holy living and discipleship was the absolutely essential heart of this concept. This vision stands in sharp contrast to the church concept of the reformers who retained the medieval idea of a mass church with membership of the entire population from birth to the grave compulsory by law and force.

It is from the standpoint of this new conception of the church that the Anabaptist opposition to infant baptism must be interpreted. Infant baptism was not the cause of their disavowal of the state church; it was only a symbol of the cause. How could infants give a commitment based upon a knowledge of what true Christianity means? They might conceivably passively experience the grace of God (though Anabaptists would question this), but they could not respond in pledging their lives to Christ. Such infant baptism would not only be meaningless, but would in fact become a serious obstacle to a true understanding of the nature of Christianity and membership in the church. Only adult baptism could signify an intelligent life commitment.

The world would not tolerate the practice of true Christian principles in society, and the church could not tolerate the practice of worldly ways among its membership. Hence, the only way out was separation, the gathering of true Christians into their own Christian society where Christ’s way could and would be practiced. On this principle of separation Menno Simon said: “All the evangelical scriptures teach us that the church of Christ was and is, in doctrine, life, worship, a people separated from the world.

In a sense this principle of nonconformity to the world is merely a negative expression of the positive requirement of discipleship, but it goes further in the sense that it represents a judgement on the contemporary social order, which the Anabaptists called “the world,” as non-Christian, and sets up a line of demarcation between the Christian community and worldly society.

A logical outcome of the concept on nonconformity to the world was the concept of the suffering church. Conflict with the world was inevitable for those who endeavored to live an earnest Christian life. The Anabaptists expected opposition: they took literally the words of Jesus when he said, “In the world ye shall have tribulation,” but they also took literally his words on encouragement, “but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.”

Perhaps it was persecution that made the Anabaptists so acutely aware of the conflict between the church and the world, but this persecution was due to the fact that they refused to accept what they considered the sub-Christian way of life practiced in European Christendom. They could have avoided the persecution had they but conformed, or they could have suspended the practice of their faith to a more convenient time, but they chose with dauntless courage and simple honesty to live their faith, to defy the existing world order, and to suffer the consequences.

3. Love and Nonresistance

The third great element in the Anabaptist vision was the ethic of love and nonresistance as applied to all human relationships. The Brethren understood this to mean complete abandonment of all warfare, strife, and violence, and of the taking of human life. Conrad Grebel, the Swiss, said in 1524: “True Christians use neither worldly sword nor engage in war, since among them taking life has ceased entirely, for we are no longer under the Old Covenant … The Gospel and those who accept it are not to be protected with the sword, neither should they thus protect themselves.

In this principle of nonresistance, or biblical pacifism, which was thoroughly believed and resolutely practiced by all the original Anabaptist Brethren and their descendants throughout Europe from the beginning until the last century, the Anabaptists were again creative leaders, far ahead of their times, in this antedating the Quakers by over a century and a quarter. It should be remembered that they held this principle when both Catholic and Protestant churches not only endorsed war as an instrument of state policy, but employed it in religious conflicts as well.

There were two foci (cornerstones) in the Anabaptist vision

  • The first focus relates to the essential nature of Christianity. Is Christianity primarily a matter of the reception of divine grace through:
  • A sacramental-sacerdotal institution (Roman Catholicism),
  • Or chiefly enjoyment of the inner experience of the grace of God through faith in Christ (Lutheranism)
  • Or is it most of all the transformation of life through discipleship (Anabaptism)

The Anabaptists were neither institutionalists, mystics, nor pietists (movement within Lutheranism in reaction to the Churches formalism and intellectualism) for they laid the weight of their emphasis upon following Christ in life. To them it was unthinkable for one truly to be a Christian without creating  a new life on divine  principles both for himself and for all men who commit themselves to the Christian way.

  • The second foci relates to the church. For the Anabaptist, the church was neither:
  • An institution (Catholicism)
  • Nor the instrument of God for the proclamation of the divine Word (Lutheranism)
  • Nor a resource group for individual piety (Pietism)
  • But rather a brotherhood of love in which the fullness of the Christian life ideal is to be expressed. (Anabaptist)

The Anabaptist vision may be further clarified by comparison of the social ethics of the four main Christian groups of the Reformation period, Catholic, Calvinist, Lutheran,and Anabaptist.

Catholic and Calvinist alike were optimistic about the world, agreeing that the world can be redeemed; they held that the entire social order can be brought under the sovereignty of God and Christianized, although they used different means to attain this goal.

Lutheran and Anabaptist were pessimistic about the world, denying the possibility of Christianizing the entire social order; but the consequent attitudes of these two groups toward the social order were diametrically opposed. Lutheranism said that since the Christian must live in a world order that remains sinful, he must make a compromise with it. As a citizen he cannot avoid participation in the evil of the world, for instance in making war, and for this his only recourse is to seek forgiveness by the grace of God; only within his personal private experience can the Christian truly Christianize his life.

The Anabaptist rejected this view completely. Since for him no compromise may be made with evil, the Christian may in no circumstance participate in any conduct in the existing social order which is contrary to spirit and teaching of Christ and the apostolic practice. He must consequently withdraw from the worldly system and create a social order within the fellowship of the church brotherhood. Extension of this Christian order by the conversion of individuals and their transfer out of the world into the church is the only way by which progress can be made in Christianizing the social order.

 However, the Anabaptist was realistic. Down the long perspective of the future he saw little chance that the mass of humankind would enter into such a brotherhood with its high ideals. Hence he anticipated a long and grievous conflict between the church and the world. Neither did he anticipate the time when the church would rule the world; the church would always be a suffering church. He agreed with the words of Jesus when He said that those who would be His disciples must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow him, and that there would be few who would enter the strait gate and travel the narrow way of life. If this prospect should seem too discouraging, the Anabaptist would reply that the life within the Christian brotherhood is satisfyingly full of love and joy.

Summary

The Anabaptist vision was not a detailed blueprint for the reconstruction of human society, but the Brethren did believe that Jesus intended that the kingdom of God should be set up in the midst of earth, here and now, and this they proposed to do forthwith. We shall not believe, they said, that the Sermon on the Mount or any other vision that He had is only a heavenly vision meant but to keep His followers in tension until the last great day, but we should practice what he taught, believing that where He walked we can by His grace follow in His steps.

                           THE END —- Your Response?

The Anabaptist Vision…

Part One of Two

Today I am compelled as I witness the North American Anabaptist landscape to introduce you to the scholarly presidential address by Harold S Bender to the American Society of Church History at Columbia University in NYC in 1943. The address has remained predominately in circles of the theologians and historians and few of today’s 500,000 NA Anabaptists in the pews have actually read it or discussed its significance.

Harold S Bender held degrees from Goshen College, Garrett Biblical Institute, Princeton Theological Institute, Princeton University and Heidelberg University. He was ordained to ministry in 1933 as well as the Dean of Goshen College, and from 1944 until his death in 1962 he served as Dean of the Goshen College Biblical Seminary. He became the President of Mennonite World Conference in 1952 and in 1927 he founded the scholarly quarterly, The Mennonite Quarterly Review and served as its editor until his death. 

This entire address of 35 pages plus 11 pages of extensive footnotes is available on Amazon or you may Google “the anabaptist vision summary” and the second choice, “The Anabaptist Vision by Harold S Bender – Goshen College” will take you to the address in its entirety. Here is my Reader’s Digest Condensed version if you prefer.

The Anabaptist Vision

“Judged by the reception it met at the hands of those in power, both in Church and State, equally in Roman Catholic and in Protestant countries, the Anabaptist movement was one of the most tragic in the history of Christianity; but, judged by the principles, which were put into play by the men who bore this reproachful nickname, it must be pronounced one of the most momentous and significant undertakings in man’s eventful religious struggle after the truth. It gathered up the gains of earlier movements, it is the spiritual soil out of which all nonconformist sects have sprung, and it is the first plain announcement in modern history of a program for a new type of Christian society which the modern world, especially in America and England, has been slowly realizing – an absolute free and independent religious society, and a state in which every man counts as a man, and has his share in shaping both Church and State.”

These words of Rufus M. Jones constitute one of the best characterizations of Anabaptism and its contribution to our modern Christian culture to be found in the English language. They were brave words when they were written in 1908, but they have been abundantly verified by a generation of Anabaptist research since that time. There can be no question but that the great principles of freedom of conscience, separation of church and state, and voluntarism in religion, so basic in American Protestantism and so essential to democracy, ultimately are derived from the Anabaptists of the Reformation period, who for the first time clearly enunciated them and challenged the Christian world to follow them in practice. The line of descent through the centuries since that time may not always be clear, and may have passed through other intermediate movements and groups, but the debt to original Anabaptism is unquestioned.

The sixteenth-century reformers understood the Anabaptist position on this point all to well, and deliberately rejected it. The best witness is Heinrich Bullinger, Zwingli’s successor in Zurich, whose active life-span covers the first fifty years of the history of the Swiss Anabaptists and who knew them so well that he published two extensive treatises against them in 1531 and 1561. According to Bullinger, the Swiss Brethren taught that:

“One cannot and should not use force to compel anyone to accept the faith, for faith is a free gift of God. It is wrong to compel anyone by force or coercion to embrace the faith, or to put to death anyone for the sake of his erring faith. It is an error that in the church any sword other than that of the divine Word should be used. The secular kingdom should be separated from the church, and no secular ruler should exercise authority in the church. The Lord has commanded simply to preach the Gospel, not to compel anyone by force to accept it. The true church of Christ has the characteristic that it suffers and endures persecution but does not inflict persecution upon anyone.”

Bullinger reports these ideas, not in commendation but in condemnation urging the need of rigid suppression. He attempts a point by point refutation of the Anabaptist teaching, closing with the assertion that to put to death Anabaptists is a necessary and commendable service.

But great as is the Anabaptist contribution to the development of religious liberty, this concept not only does not exhaust but actually fails to define the true essence of Anabaptism who had not only clearly defined goals but also an action plan of definiteness and power. In fact the more intimately one becomes acquainted with this group the more one becomes conscious of the great vision that shaped their course in history and for which they gladly gave their lives.

Before describing this vision it is well to note its attractiveness to the masses of Christians of the sixteenth century. Bullinger wrote in 1531 that “ the people were running after them as though they were living saints.” Another contemporary writer asserts that “Anabaptism had spread with such speed that there was reason to fear that the majority of the common people would unite with this sect. Zwingli was so frightened by the power of the movement that he complained that the struggle with the Catholic party was “but child’s play” compared to the conflict with the Anabaptists.

The dreadful severity of the persecution of the Anabaptist movement in the years 1527-60 not only in Switzerland and South Germany, but in all the  Austrian lands as well as in the Low Countries, testifies to the power of the movement and the desperate haste with which the Catholic, Lutheran, and Zwinglian authorities alike strove to throttle it before it should be too late. In 1529 the decree issued by the Diet of Spires summarily passed the sentence of death upon all Anabaptists, ordering that “every Anabaptist  and re-baptized person of either sex should be put to death by fire, sword, or some other way.” Even judges and jurors who had scruples against pronouncing the death sentence on Anabaptists, be removed from office and punished by heavy fines and imprisonment.

The authorities had great difficulty in executing their program of suppression, for they soon discovered that the Anabaptists feared neither torture or death, and gladly sealed their faith with their blood. Therefore, since the customary method of individual trials and sentences were proving totally inadequate to stem the tide, the authorities resorted to sending out mounted soldiers and armed executioners to hunt down Anabaptists and kill them on the spot singly or en masse without trial or sentence.

The Anabaptists bore all the torture and agony without fear. The things of this world they counted in their holy mind only as shadows, having the assurance of greater things. They were so drawn to God that they sought nothing, desired nothing, loved nothing but God alone. Therefore they had more patience in their suffering than their enemies in tormenting them. The prisoners sang in their prisons and rejoiced so that the enemies outside became much more fearful than the prisoners and did not know what to do with them. Many were talked to in wonderful ways, often day and night. They were argued with, with great cunning and cleverness, with many sweet and smooth words, by monks and priests, by doctors of theology, with much false testimony, with threats and scolding and mockery, yea, with lies and grievous slander against the brotherhood, but none of these things moved them or made them falter.

Before defining the Anabaptist vision, it is essential to state clearly who is meant by the term “Anabaptist,” since the name has come to be used in modern historiography to cover a wide variety of Reformation groups, sometimes thought of as the whole “left wing of the Reformation” (Roland Bainton), or “the Bolsheviks of the Reformation” (Preserved Smith). There is no longer any excuse for permitting our understanding of the distinct character of this genuine Anabaptism to be obscured by Thomas Munster and the Peasants War, the Munsterites, or any other aberration of Protestantism in the sixteenth century.

The Anabaptists were concerned most of all about “a true Christian life,” that is a life patterned after the teaching and example of Christ by establishing congregations in which repentance was evidenced by fruits from their newness of life in Christ. The Anabaptists believed the reformers, such as Luther and Zwingli, did not secure among the people true repentance, regeneration, and Christian living as a result of their preaching.

There is abundant evidence that although the original goal sought by Luther and Zwingli was “an earnest Christianity” for all, the actual outcome was far less, for the level of Christian living among the Protestant population was frequently lower than it had been before under Catholicism. Luther himself was keenly aware of the deficiency. Between 1522 and 1527 Luther repeatedly mentioned his concern to establish a true Christian church, and his desire to provide for earnest Christians who would confess the gospel with their lives as well as with their tongues. Zwingli faced the same problem; he was in fact specifically challenged by the Swiss brethren to set up such a church; but he refused and followed Luther’s course. Both reformers decided it was better to include the masses within the fold of the church than to form a fellowship of true Christians only. In taking this course, the Anabaptists said the reformers surrendered their original purpose, and abandoned the divine intention. Others may say they were wise and statesman-like leaders.

The Anabaptists, however, retained the original vision of Luther and Zwingli, enlarged it, gave it body and form, and set out to achieve it in actual experience. They proceeded to organize a church composed solely of earnest Christians, and actually found the people for it. They did not believe in any case that the size of the response should determine whether or not the truth of God should be applied, and they refused to compromise. They preferred to make a radical break with 1500 years of history and culture if necessary rather than to break with the New Testament.

Luther’s expressions of his partial failures and dejection are well known. Contrast this sense of defeat at the end of Luther’s outwardly successful career with the sense of victory in the hearts of the Anabaptist martyrs who laid down their lives in what the world would call defeat, conscious of having kept faith with their vision to the end.

Therefore, by having defined genuine Anabaptism in its Reformation setting, we are now ready to examine its central teachings. The Anabaptist vision included three major points of emphasis: 1.) Discipleship, 2.) Brotherhood, and 3.) Love and Nonresistance.These three will be reviewed in the next posting. Blessings as you ponder the significance of either your heritage or the spiritual integrity of the martyrs for all believers.   Merlin

What Is Driving Your Relationships?

“The happiest people on the planet are the men and women who have dynamic relationships. They give focus and priority to their relationships, and as a result have a richer experience of relationship and of life. 

John Wooden, the college basketball coach of note, once said in an interview with Sports Illustrated : “Why is it so hard hard for so many to realize that winners are usually the ones who work harder, work longer, and , as a result, perform better?” It is in true in sports, it is true in business, and yes, it is true in relationships. 

There are winners and losers in relationships. I am not talking about the games that have become a seemingly intrinsic part of the modern dating scene. In a relationship, one person doesn’t win while the other loses. It is absurd even to speak in such terms. Either both win, or both loose. That’s why so much is at stake. That’s why we feel so powerless and helpless at times in relationships. That’s why it is so important to choose the right people to spend our limited time and energy in relationships with. When I speak of winners and losers in relationships, I speak of the reality that some couples win and other couples loose. 

The state of our relationships has an impact on every aspect of our lives. You don’t leave a struggling relationship at home when you go work or school, and you don’t check a tumultuous relationship at the door of your other relationships. If you have a relationship that is struggling, there’s a good chance it is affecting many areas of your life. The troubled relationship may be with a spouse or significant other, or you may have a relationship with a colleague, friend, child, parent, or sibling that has fallen on rough times. Relationships affect us deeply, and a failing or struggling relationship can have a negative impact on the way we perform at work, the hope we hold for the future, the way we feel about ourselves, what we eat or don’t eat, the way we spend our time, and every other aspect of our daily life. On the other hand, when we are thriving in our relationships, especially our primary relationships, we tend to carry a very positive atmosphere wherever we go.

A dynamic primary relationship doesn’t just change the social aspect of our lives, it changes our whole lives by changing the way we see ourselves and the world. 

This book is about giving you the tools necessary to create a dynamic primary relationship. The Seven Levels of Intimacy provide a simple model – the strength of any good model is simplicity – but the the process is not easy. Sometimes the biggest mistake we make is believing, at the outset, that the journey ahead is going to be easy. Such a traveler almost always comes unprepared and under-supplied. 

You may be well into your journey and have discovered that you need to stop to get resupplied; you may be just beginning your journey; or you may be trying to decide whether you want to set out at all. Whatever the case may be, I am delighted that our paths have crossed and I hope the ideas that fill the pages of this book will prove useful to you in your quest for intimacy.

It takes a lifetime to build great relationships and to learn how to sustain them. Along the way, there will be great moments of triumph and ecstasy and other moments of trial and heartache. This book is no quick fix and it doesn’t contain all the answers. It is simply a tool to help you reconnect with your deep desire to be involved in great relationships.

Connecting with people in a powerful way is a skill that must be developed, nurtured, and practiced. Our primary relationship is the inner sanctum of our emotional lives. It is our first source of emotional support and our primary opportunity to develop and experience a deep level of intimacy. For most of us, our primary relationship will be the one chance we have in this lifetime to truly know a person, and in turn, to be deeply known by another human being.  

Too often we spend our days surrounded by trivia and superficial, constantly overloaded with information and quite literally, to deeply know a person becomes more and more of a miracle. Most of what we do every day we do simply to survive. Relationships are what drive us to survive!” 

I trust the above as taken from Matthew Kelly’s book “The Seven Levels of Intimacy” will stimulate and encourage you to read further as you strive to better transition in your relationships from merely surviving to expansively thriving. Perhaps the last sentence in the paragraph above would be enhanced if it were to read “Positive intimate relationships are what drive us to survive.” If so, perhaps we may consider the inverse. Negative intimate relationships when taken to the extreme, may cause people to withdraw from society, possibly to resurface later in tragic random shootings such as occurred to Dean Beachy and his son Steven January 24th in State College PA.

I simply ask, Am I my brother’s keeper? Am I an example and encouraging others to be? Am I keeping short accounts? God is love. Seriously now, how do we love without being in relationship?  Is love driving my relationships?

Blessings as YOU GO FORTH>>>>          Merlin

It’s really quite simple…

It’s a moment’s picture I’d like to freeze in time. The sun is weakening as it is sliding lower in its southwest journey. In an hour it will be down but each day its journey lengthens. The sun brightened areas of fresh snow and the looming expanding shadows alternate as I gaze down from my office windows into the ravine below toward the creek. Certainly no sprigs of green anywhere in sight today but in sixty days, we can hope, and that will be just the beginning of the evidence of the annual renewal. And it has occurred spring after spring since creation with no help from anyone. So effortless, and seldom do I even take time to notice.

This has been a strange afternoon for me as I sat listening to Brian’s funeral and enjoying the nature outside my windows. Earlier after lunch, Loretta sent me a link to the funeral including the pics from the viewing. The wonders of technology. A few of the pics struck my heart strings from the startup days for Kingsway.  

Brian is a legend in his generation. Just like Brian, we all possess seeds of spiritual greatness in our genetic code. Brian from early on invested his seeds particularly well, first into his own spiritual foundation, and then into the lives of all those around him, and ultimately spilling over into projects that just kept multiplying fruit and influence. The preponderance of evidence is invigorating to all of us. None of us would claim Brian was specially endowed. Indeed, we are all uniquely gifted and depending on how we integrate our “gifting” in to our life choices and experiences, will have everything to do with the “fruits”our efforts produce here. Indeed, some fruits are more visible than others but that is not the point. Blooming where we are planted with the “gifting” we’ve been given, all done in worship to our Creator God and Savior, is the sum reality of our spiritual existence.  

Today Carl preached from I Peter 5:1-5 entitling his sermon “Shepherd the Flock” expounding on five points: Relationships, Roles, Responsibilities, Righteousness, and Rewards. I plan to address only the first three components and suggest we examine the additional scripture Carl took from Ephesians 4:12 as it addresses these first three “R’s” rather well. I suggest we read it from the Message for a different twist. “He handed out gifts of apostle, prophet, evangelist,and pastor-teacher to train Christ’s followers in skilled servant work, working within Christ’s body, the church, until we’re all moving rhythmically and easily with each other, efficient and graceful in response to God’s Son, fully mature adults, fully developed within and without, fully alive like Christ.”

 I highlighted “until we’re all moving rhythmically and easily with each other” because I am so attracted to the word “rhythmically” for what it implies; a seamless unity pervading the entire organization on all levels so all of its energies are laser focused for example, on “Living and Building the Kingdom of God.” The remainder of the verse reads “efficient and graceful in response to God’s Son, fully mature adults ….. fully alive like Christ.” Perhaps this is best accomplished as a result of purposefully investing our spiritual seeds of greatness under the direction of the Holy Spirit amidst the multitude our daily life choices and experiences.

Perhaps we need to contrast the above investment model over and against the typical daily default mode of our culture; rise, rush, tolerate work, “selfish crash time,” media time, sleep, and do it again tomorrow, and never mind all the relational stressors people are carrying around emotionally from prior poor relationships and financial losses! Gruesome indeed compared to grace and peace! Not that this is what we do, but perhaps we need to consider exactly what most people we meet every day are up against without the Hope of Christ. New Year’s Suggestions provide little success and neither do the self-help gurus.

Let’s recap quick. Nature performs flawlessly and will until the end of time. Man is flawed because of sin but the seeds of greatness are within his being as is his innate desire to worship, and the determining question is simply this: “Who or what will he worship?” That will ultimately determine his final destiny. His intellect and/or toys, or God? I maintain Brian understood this tension and he first chose God at nine years of age. Perhaps also, congregations that choose God over self, and worship Him in spirit and truth, will tend to be “moving rhythmically and easily with each other,” naturally, just like the arrival of spring each year, and our lives and congregations will exhibit an abundance of fruit and great joy! Certainly worth our consideration and prayer.       Blessings as You Go Forth>>>>

The State of my (bones) Re-Union

I began the first draft of this document precisely 10:15 PM January 23, 2019 and was finished in three hours, but I’ve spent multiples of that since in tweaking it to properly reflect my heart’s desire to communicate relevant truth from my life experience as I see it, to you in an encouraging manner. You may have noticed the subheading “Retooled & Thriving” above. Please realize I say that as a goal in process for my life, to be attained, certainly not as a present accomplishment or a “done deal.”

And yes, the title is a play on the State of the Union Address event in WDC that is not expected to happen now on Tuesday the 29th.  But my accident did in fact occur 4 months 5 days ago … and my bones are very much enjoying their re-union, as indeed, am I.

I did walk out to my outdoor wood-stove yesterday for the first time and helped shovel a path to wheelbarrow wood from the pile to the stove. I was very careful. It felt so good to be at least a little bit useful outdoors again. Loretta leaves for 16 days in Honduras February 16 and is so worried I’ll damage my legs possibly preventing her trip. Certainly understandable!

Many of you are wondering just how I’m doing since I have not posted any updates. I saw both surgeons the day after Christmas and both were very pleased with the progress. The surgeon for the R leg wants to see me once more March 5th at which time he’ll likely release me. I have considerable stiffness in both ankles and irritating pain but nothing obnoxious. At least, when I sit down and put my feet up and get to either reading or writing, I’m not aware of it … much. However, Loretta tells me I have a very high threshold for pain but I must confess, I was never quite sure how she determined that. It’s not like she had me hooked up to monitors or meters while inflicting pain. She just informed me she learned that fact the hard way, by parenting both me and our youngest son Chris, through all our bone breaks because of our genetic bone disorder, osteogenesis imperfecta (OI). And who am I to dispute a mother’s instinct. Actually, Loretta informs me the pain tolerance is well documented medically; I guess God realized we OI people deserved a virtual reality “pain-break!”

Currently I’m on an antibiotic and ibuprofen that runs out Sunday. Last Thursday I went for an extended walk about our 10 acres checking out a few of the trees that had come down recently. I’d been getting better than a mile in each day prior and that day I clocked 1.4 miles. Early the next morning my left foot had a dark streak on the inside from the heel to the big toe and topside from the toes back several inches that was also dark and some swollen. Even the skin looked like an infection was imminently brewing.

I went to walk-in at 7:30 AM and they sent me the ER and took some X-rays that all came back fine. The day prior on my extended walk I had  remarkably experienced no pain whatsoever so I was totally surprised with the discoloration the next morning. At least the x-rays confirmed all my new metal was still properly placed; just in case since we the OI inflicted don’t feel pain “normally” and something might have gone terribly wrong. They wrote “Cellulitis” as being the diagnosis and prescribed a week of Keflex and Ibuprofen and to go home and keep my feet up. Five days later all looks great and I hope to soon be back walking on rough ground to loosen up my ankles … provided the weather cooperates; we do have more snow and cold weather in the forecast.

This whole fiasco has really aged me. I’ve preferred not to look in a full length mirror for some time but now the view is simply pathetic. I’ve been concentrating on the doctors instructions and certainly wanting to avoid any adverse situations, but now I need to start quizzing my therapists about how I can get my posture back, understanding though it was going south even prior the accident.

It’s most interesting how much my sense of my posture affects my positive mental image of myself. For example, several years ago before my posture went amiss, I could stand erect behind the podium at church shifting my weight from on my heels to the balls of my feet, scan the audience, speak my words and see by their eyes and facial expressions that I was connecting with their thought patterns. Now, without my internal sense of a sufficiently erect physical posture for what in my head is an attractive physical state, I so wonder how my verbal delivery and audience feedback monitoring will be impacted. Perhaps not as much as I might think, but I am quite removed yet from either skipping up or down those steps as I did a year or two ago.

I am really glad we are flying through January. Winters are increasingly more difficult for me, especially when I was not fully prepared as happened to us this year. Thankfully, the efforts of many friends made it much better but yet, it really took a toll on Loretta, and that needs to addressed, and we are now considering our options.

I’m reminded of Paul Stutzman’s Book One in the Wanderer series in chapter 62 when Johnny encountered Wandering Willie on a rock in the Pacific Ocean near L.A. and was immediately admonished to get rid of all that stuff on the front and back of his bicycle. “You’re too loaded down to contemplate. Most of what you carry with you is baggage, young man. Unburden yourself if you really want to see life.”

In that same vein, I also just finished today a book by Richard Rohr titled “Falling Upward” given me by an acquaintance who after browsing my blog sensed I was in need of Father Rohr’s Contemplation’s. What is stranger, less than a month prior the book’s arrival, a close friend of years ago and now  a most enjoyable acquaintance, emailed me the link to this Franciscan Rohr’s Center for Action and Contemplation, that I now receive each Saturday reviewing the weeks daily highlights. The book certainly stretched my “spiritual reading comfort zone” and judging from my first pass through and the names he drops and quotes from throughout the book, I have much to digest and contemplate before I begin the next trip through; not sure of any action yet either.

But it did affirm one sidebar step into action, and that is I’m way overdue in simplifying my life on so many fronts. My immediate future dictates I concentrate with a laser focus on what is important to my life’s passion for my next decade. Before I can fully engage selflessly and passionately though, I have two  barns (1800 sq. ft.  each) that need to be cleaned out of their trivial collectibles from our three sons, past businesses, inheritances, etc., so someday when we do downsize, we can be ready to move quick, if need be.

The above describes the physical clutter needing attention ASAP. However, much more significant than the barn trivia, is the contemplative mode (I do like that word “contemplative” that Johnny first introduced to Wandering Willie) I’ve undertaken the past 125 days preparing for the next decade of my life. Perhaps that’s why I’m drawn to Johnny in the Wanderer. So far in the book, as a lad he has struggled whether he would remain Amish, then he met Annie, a rebellious promiscuous Amish girl from Indiana, who had found Jesus the year prior to coming to Ohio to teach school, then he found Jesus, joined the church, married Annie, and in six months, she was taken from him to her heavenly home overnight.  Six months later he left his home in Ohio, got on a bus headed for L.A. to ride his bike across the southern states to Florida  “to contemplate life,” his answer in response to Wandering Willie’s question “what are you running from?”

Perhaps that is sort of where I am right now. Johnny had strong roots in Ohio and his whole life ahead of him. We have roots here too, but we could be transplanted if we were convinced that was the plan, and whereas Johnny has a lifetime, Loretta and I are actually running out of time! Truthfully, my biggest fear, much more than a geographical move, is that as a very recently recovering workaholic, I may again become consumed by whatever work or hobbies I choose for the next decade. And I personally know that many well intended Christ followers are self affirmed workaholics who have inflicted much pain and damage in their Kingdom assignments as I have in the past; certainly not being God’s plan but the continued result of man’s selfishness.

So for me after 125 days of absolute freedom to pursue God’s will, to return to that bondage would be most vexing. During this free time, I do believe God has revealed to me my heart’s desire; and that is to simply be what I’ll call a faith facilitator, or a spiritual life coach of sorts, and those are the only words I can really share with you just now. Except I want to do it more as a retirement hobby, so we can travel, visit family and friends, as well as read and write, and so Loretta and I can just savor our remaining time together. Now indeed is the time, or never!

I am reminded of a statement by Bill Plotkin, a wise guide according to Richard Rohr, who said many of us learn to do our “survival dance,” in life very well; however, too many of us never transition to our “sacred dance.” Falling Upward indicates this transition among cognizant Christians may occur as early as in ones mid-thirties, or perhaps never; but usually in ones fifties or sixties; I’m assuming as people normally transition into their pre-retirement years.

Actually, in my rear view mirror now, I believe I’ve been pursued to begin my “sacred dance” even before I lost my first wife, at twenty-two years of age. And here 47 years later, I’m still being called to begin my “sacred dance” Simply amazing that out loving God is so relentless in his pursuits. In the past 30 months, I’ve been strongly summoned, once by health and twice by major trauma with life spared, to transition to my “sacred dance.”  So then, you can understand, why I am totally serious about transitioning with integrity into my “sacred dance” phase of my Going Until I Am Gone, a good read for those of us long over due to begin our transitioning away from our “survival dance.” 

I would be remiss by not saying I really do believe the “survival dance” is best discarded for the “sacred dance” while we are in our twenties or even earlier! Why waste all our prime years merely surviving when Jesus came that we may have an abundant and Holy Spirit empowered life when “called” and enjoy the “sacred dance” while raising our children and building our life’s infrastructure? Compare that earlier to waiting until much later when either an “updating”or a “remodel”, perhaps even a “start from scratch,” is needed, to transition to the “sacred dance,” perhaps then with your “grandchildren” and too likely as happens to the best of us, with the use of a walker, false teeth, hearing aides, pills, pains, etc.? I think the term used earlier historically for this transitioning, revolved around “conversion” but that word, like “sin,” has virtually disappeared in this culture.

Although merely my perspective, what if it is actually our preferred Creator’s “imprinted timing” for our sacred dance activation to begin sooner rather than later?  My reading of the New Testament reminds me of passages such as I Timothy 4:7-13 and all of II Corinthians 6, especially verse 2. Some may suggest I just need more time to contemplate! If it is in the scripture, yes indeed!

I now know what I really need to do today … and that is to re-read Harold S Bender’s forty-four page booklet titled simply“The Anabaptist Vision” to review the scriptural foundation of my Anabaptist roots, as I do every several months to remind me of my moorings as I encounter the overpowering influence of our media driven culture, perhaps at times, even from within the church. This booklet script was actually his presidential address before the American Society of Church History in NYC in 1943. It is available on both Amazon and Kindle.

Perhaps no decision is indeed a decision, when transitioning at whatever age (or maturity) you are! That is just the way God wired us. And JOY does  actually evaporate spiritual boredom! And HOPE does create JOY. Whence HOPE? Your challenge! merlin.erb@gmail.com if you got questions.

Blessings as YOU GO Forth>>>>  Merlin

Embrace The Mystery

“A tree with strong roots can weather any storm. If you have not done so already, the day to start growing those roots is today. Gratitude, respect, and discipline are three powerful ways to ground and nurture your relationships. But keep in mind also, that trees sway in the wind. They are not rigid. Even the largest and strongest trees sway when the wind blows. Allow for uncertainty; you can be sure it will come. Find the lesson in the unexpected; it has come to help you in your quest to become-the-best-version-of-yourself. Try to enjoy mystery; it will keep you young.  

The present culture despises uncertainty, and so we waste endless amounts of time and energy trying to create the illusion of security and attempting to control the uncontrollable. We curse the unexpected because it interferes with our plans, even though it often carries with it the challenge we need at that moment to change and grow into a-better-version-of-ourselves. In the same way, our culture has no time for mystery. If we cannot solve or prove it, then we ignore it or discredit it.

“Life is not a problem to be solved, it is a mystery to be lived,” wrote Kierkegaard. Your spouse is not a problem to be solved, your children are not problems to be solved, your boyfriend or girlfriend, your partner or fiance is not a problem to be solved. They are mysteries to be accepted, encouraged, experienced, and enjoyed. 

Relationships are not to be understood and fixed and solved; they too, are mysteries to be enjoyed. 

The best participants in the mystery we call relationship seem to be people who don’t need to understand everything, the ones who aren’t out to prove anything, those humble enough to accept when they are wrong and hold their tongues when they are right, the people who don’t have an agenda, who aren’t in a hurry, and who don’t need the credit when things go right and don’t pass the blame when things go wrong.

Those are the rare souls who seem to be able to hold their arms wide open and embrace fully the mystery of loving and the joy of being loved.” 

So roots, storms, uncertainties, and mysteries are to be enjoyed? Really now? The above was taken from page 67 in Matthew Kelly’s book “The Seven Levels of Intimacy: The Art of Loving and the Joy of Being Loved.” With God’s empowerment, may we each someday be one those able to hold our arms wide open and embrace fully the mystery of loving and the joy of being loved. Sweet indeed!!

“Do You Know Something I Don’t Know?”

David Anderson lived in Boston with his wife, Sarah, and their three children, Rachel, Shannon and Jonah. He was a very successful businessman, and one of the rewards of his success was their their summer home on Martha’s Vineyard. Sarah and the kids spent the whole summer there, while David usually spent part of each weekend and always came for the first two weeks of July.

One summer a few years ago, he was driving out to the beach at the beginning of July when he made a promise to himself. For two weeks, he was going to be a loving and attentive husband and father. He would make himself totally available. He would turn off his cellphone, resist the temptation to be constantly checking his email, and make himself completely available to his family and a genuine experience of vacation.

You see David worked too much. He knew it. Everyone around him knew it. When you love your work, that’s one of the dangers. When you rely on your work too much for your identity, that’s one of the pitfalls. From time to time, David felt guilty about how much he worked, but he managed to brush the guilt aside by making the excuse that it was necessary. Sometimes he overcame his feeling of guilt by calling to mind the many privileges and opportunities that his wife and children were able to enjoy because he worked so hard.

Did the rationalizations succeed? Only temporarily. But this vacation was going to be different. David was going to be attentive and available. 

The idea had come  to him in his car, as he listened to a CD that a friend had given him. People were always giving him books to read and tapes to listen to, and the gifts always made him cringe, because he knew the giver would ask him his opinion the next time their paths crossed. But for some reason, he had popped this CD in as he drove out of his garage this day. 

The speaker was discussing dynamic relationships; feeling a bit uncomfortable, David was about to turn it off when something that man said struck him: “Love is a choice. Love is an act of the will,” he said. “You can choose to love.”

At that moment, David admitted to himself that as a husband he had been selfish, and that the love between him and Sarah had been dulled by his selfishness, by his insensitivity, by his unavailability. This self-centeredness manifested itself mostly in small ways. He insisted they watch whatever he wanted to watch on television. He made Sarah feel small for always being late. He constantly put his work before the needs of his family. He would take newspapers to work knowing that Sarah wanted to read them, and that he would be unlikely to have time to do so during his busy day. He was constantly saying “Some other time” to his children, “Not now” to his wife. But for two weeks all that was going to change. And so it did. 

From the moment David walked through the door, kissed his wife, and said, “You look really good in that new sweater. That’s a great color for you,” Sarah was taken back, surprised, even a little perplexed. Her first reaction was to wonder if he was having a dig at her for buying more clothes, but when he smiled and asked her, “What have I missed?” the genuine compliment settled in and felt wonderful. 

After battling the traffic to get to the vacation house, David just wanted to sit down and relax, but Sarah suggested a walk on the beach. David began to refuse, but then thought better of it: “Sarah has been out here all week alone with the children, and now she just wants to be alone.” So they walked the beach hand in hand, while the children flew their kites. 

The next morning, Sarah almost fell out of bed when he brought her breakfast in bed. Admittedly, David had woken their daughter Rachel to help him pull that one off, but it was extraordinary nonetheless. Over breakfast he told her about a dream he had that night, and then he asked, “What would you like to do today?”

Sarah couldn’t remember the last time he had asked her that. 

“Don’t you have work to do?” she countered.

“No,” he said. “We can do anything you want.”

Over and over throughout the day David said to himself, “Love is a choice. Love is a choice. Love is a choice.”

And so it went. For two weeks, they relaxed, they were happy. It was a dream vacation. Two weeks without the constant harassment of cell phones and e-mail; they visited the maritime museum, even though David hates museums; he allowed the kids to eat ice cream whenever they wanted; he even managed to hold his tongue when Sarah’s getting ready made them late for his best friend’s birthday dinner.

“Did Dad win something?” their daughter Shannon asked her mother one day. Sarah laughed, but she had been wondering herself what had overcome her husband.

After lunch on the last day, David excused himself and walked the beach alone. He thought of the promise he had made to himself driving out two weeks earlier, and now made a new promise to keep choosing love when they got home.

That night as he and Sarah were preparing for bed, Sarah suddenly stopped and looked at David with the saddest expression he’d ever seen come across her face. David panicked. “What’s the matter/”

“Do you know something I don’t know?” she asked.

“What do you mean?”

  Sarah said, “The check-up I had a few weeks ago … Did Dr. Lewis tell you something about me? Dave, you’ve been so good to me. Am I dying?” 

David’s eyes filled with tears. Wrapping her in his arms and holding her tight, he said, “No honey. You’re not dying. I”m just starting to live!”

I hope you were positively challenged as I was when reading the above story that opens Matthew Kelley’s phenomenal book titled “The Seven Levels of Intimacy: The Art of Loving and The Joy Of Being Loved.” This story  reminds me of a statement by Vaclav Havel, the Czech dramatist and human rights activist who later became his country’s president, who wrote, “I believe that nothing disappears forever, and less so deeds, which is why I believe that it makes sense to try to do something in life, something more than that which will bring one obvious returns.”

Relationships, whether founded on truth or not, when experiencing restoration and actually begin thriving, reflects my passion and are gifts of endless returns to all of us in the ripples. This book will guide you to invest your relational energy well!  Blessings …Merlin

Please click the link below to read the first chapter or to purchase.

https://dynamiccatholic.com/the-seven-levels-intimacy-paperback