Merlin's Mustache

Until Aug 15, I am planning to share with you my summaries of ten chapters from Tom Rath’s book, Are You Fully Charged? (AYFC). I began this series on July 30 with the book’s Prologue. Never before have I committed nearly a dozen posts to one author in succession so I am also asking you to join me praying for your receptivity to these remaining posts until Aug 15, and for the future posts being planned beyond to avoid wasting everyone’s valuable spiritual time and energy. If ever nudged to send me a suggestion, be it a complaint or praise, send to merlin.erb@gmail.com or text, call, WhatsApp 330 465-2565. Thank you.

For those of you desiring more “meaningfulness” from Tom, email me & I’ll send you a Word doc. of the ten chapters I’ve summarized thus far, or better yet, go to thriftbooks (earlier they had 8 copies @$6.19 ea.) so order your own copy(s). Who else do you know who could benefit from Tom’s journey to find meaningfulness in their work, & especially, retirement? And I also trust, you’ll encourage others to subscribe to the blog and thereby increase our efficiency.  

Chapter Eleven: Start Small and Be Clear

This chapter continues from the prior on how to communicate a negative message to an employee or volunteer under your supervision whom you’re not personally familiar with, and worse, may not even have the time or opportunity to engage meaningfully prior to needing to deliver the difficult message, a very awkward situation for both of you. Even worse, you do not possess the gift as some, to enter a room of strangers and easily mingle while introducing yourself around, discovering you and whoever they may be, common interests, hobbies, shared acquaintances, etc while solidifying new friendships.

Use Questions to Spark Conversation

          I’ve learned its easier in such situations to ask relevant good questions and then really listen to the answers, for clues to what questions or comments would facilitate greater more interesting conversation. Understand though, merely making a new friend versus needing to relay a difficult message is vastly different. Still, though asking questions is key to beginning conversation, even if the recipient is sullen, angry, withdrawn. Perhaps beginning with how they were first introduced to the company, where they worked prior, perhaps their birth city and where they were raised & educated, # of siblings, birth order implications, what they most enjoyed, appreciated, or even may have disliked about their childhood, etc., Asking questions is even more effective when others may be skeptical of your influence or credibility or even engaged in a debate.

You may be interested to know a team of researchers in the U.K. studying recordings of expert negotiators for many years found that questions are one of the most effective forms of bringing people into agreement. The average negotiators spent less than 10 percent of their total time asking questions whereas the most successful negotiators spent 21 percent.

          People love to talk about themselves. Some studies indicate 40 percent of everyday speech consists of people telling others what they think and feel. Scientists hint that talking about oneself triggers the same reward centers in the brain as food or money. The more open you are about yourself, including revealing embarrassing moments and occasional mistakes, the more likely another person is to trust you. Studies suggest you being humble and embracing self-depreciating moments is an asset, not something to be ashamed of, seemingly building trust. Sharing personally about fears, flaws, and follies often leads to an exchange of entertaining stories, even lasting connections, not to mention time, because you’re never pretending to be something you’re NOT!

Connect for Speed and Creativity

It’s easy to dismiss the need for close relationships at work until you focus on the bigger picture. Sure, you can get more done tomorrow if you put your head down and plow through a bunch of work. But if you fail to cultivate and maintain relationships, it will slow you down over time. Anything of substance in life is created by working with others. I have yet to do anything very useful in isolation. Relationships boost achievement and create efficiency. Friendships speed things up because emotions spread faster than words. When you see a friend at work, even if you don’t say anything, you exchange an emotional state simply based on observing each other’s facial expressions and body language.

BOTTOM LINE:   When you get together with a group of people you really enjoy spending time with, it puts you in a better mood. Experiments show that if you are in a better mood your creativity increases and your thinking becomes more expansive. This helps explain why Gallup’s research has shown that people who have “best friend” caliber relationships at work are seven times as likely to be engaged in their jobs, all being good for your meaningful work, and ultimately, for you to thrive on all fronts.

Discussion Questions:

What small action can you take today to boost the well-being of one of your closest friends?

What is one good question you can ask new acquaintances to learn more about what’s going on in their work or life?

RECAP: Practical goals and good questions create speed and productivity.

How can you invest even more time and energy into one of your most productive relationships?

NEXT UP:      Always Maximize Relationships!

Chapter Ten: Be 80 Percent Positive

         Some of the best research on daily experience is rooted in ratios of positive and negative interactions making remarkable predictions simply by watching people interact with each other, and then scoring the conversations based on the ratio of positive and negative interactions, predicting everything from the likelihood a couple will divorce to the odds of a work team having high customer satisfaction and productivity levels.

          More recent research helps explain why these brief exchanges matter so much. When you experience negative emotions as a result of criticism or rejection, for example, your body produces higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol, which shuts down much of your thinking and activates conflict and defense mechanisms. You perceive situations as being worse than they actually are when you are in this fight-or-flight mode. The release of cortisol is also a sustained response, so it lasts for a while, especially if you dwell on the negative event.

          However, when you experience a positive interaction, it activates a very different response. Positive exchanges boost your body’s production of oxytocin, a feel-good hormone that increases your ability to communicate, collaborate, and trust others. When oxytocin activates networks in your prefrontal cortex, it leads to more expansive thought and action. However, oxytocin metabolizes faster than cortisol, so the effect of a positive surge are less dramatic and enduring than they are for a negative one.

          Therefore, we need at least three to five positive interactions to outweigh every one negative exchange. Whether you’re in a one-to-one conversation, or a group discussion, remember: At least 80 percent of your conversation should be focused on what’s going right! Workplaces often have this backward during performance reviews, when managers routinely spend 80% of their time on weaknesses, gaps, and “areas for improvement, spending only 20 % on strengths, and positive aspects.

          Now, when you need to address difficult issues or deliver bad news, just be sure to mention a sufficient number of positives as well, closing with specific and hopeful actions.

At Least Pay Attention

Some days it seems like we’ve built a society that gives people little guidance on how to perform the most activities of life. Consider the practical living skills the typical HS grad today possesses compared to a grad from 50 years ago, and I maintain because of the breakdown of society beginning in our homes clinched by the media’s influence, as a result, a lot of people today regardless of age are lonely and lack deep friendships. Above almost any other need, human beings long to have another person look into their face with loving respect and acceptance. Wake up people, we are being deliberately manipulated so that we lack practical knowledge and experience about how we are to give other humans that rich attention, with loving respect and acceptance that God both designed and desires us to offer each other.

BOTTOM LINE:

A study conducted by Canadian researchers in 2014 suggests that being ignored at work is even more detrimental to mental and physical well-being than harassment or bullying. While the comparison to bullying in this study is dramatic, the overall finding is consistent with a great deal of research I have studied and conducted. Having a manager who is not paying attention nearly doubles your odds of being disengaged on the job compared with a manager who focuses primarily on your weaknesses. The ideal scenario is when a dose of reality is paired with several servings of encouragement.

Discussion Questions: What have you done, or can you do, to infuse positive energy into an interaction today?

What can you do in the next several hours that will add a positive charge to someone’s day?

RECAP: Our days depend on brief interactions with the people around us.

What friends or colleagues do the best job of adding positive energy to your environment? What could you learn from them to better carry that positive energy forward?

NEXT UP: Start Small But With Great Clarity

Good Morning Faithful Readers!

Chapter Seven: Initiate to Shape the Future

        Whatever you’ll be proud of in a decade from now will not be anything that was result of simply responding. Rather, it will be from what you initiate today – such as striking up a conversation that leads to a new dynamic friendship, the sharing of an idea at work that turns into a new product or offering, or investing in another’s personal growth and watching them succeed and thrive over the next years. Bottom Line: If you want to create a positive charge for others, your ability to do so will be almost directly proportional to the amount of time you can spend initiating instead of responding. Manage your communications online and offline, instead of letting them run your life. If you don’t, you will inadvertently spend a majority of your time responding to other people’s needs instead of creating anything that lasts.

Put Purpose Before Busyness

          We all get caught in the trap of mistaking activity for real progress; as well as confusing busyness with meaningful progress. However, the result of trying to be busy is a poorly managed life. Instead, aim for a daily routine that allows you enough time to do what you want, work on projects that make a difference, and spend time with people who matter to you. I have started forcing myself to substitute thinking “I’m too busy” with “I need to do a better job managing my time.” That’s a little mental trick that helps me prioritize. Work smarter, not harder.

Focus on Less to Do More

          A study of 150,000 cellphone users found that these devices are unlocked 110 times per day on the average. A Harvard study found people reported their minds were wandering about 47 percent of their working time. What’s even more disturbing is that this is not pleasant mind wandering; instead, the distractedness tends to make them less happy. Harvard’s Killingsworth and Gilbert wrote concluding, “A human mind is a wandering mind, and a wandering mind is an unhappy mind.” Trying to do a little bit of everything leads to doing nothing of substance. In most cases, the human mind simply functions better when it is highly focused. Saying no to distractions is something you must do in order to focus and complete the things that matter most, that energize you and give you a positive charge and influence.

Silence Pavlov’s Bell

          Today’s endless notifications have turned into the electronic equivalent of Ivan Pavlov’s bell noted earlier to make a dog salivate. Nearly a quarter of workers sit around watching there inboxes and another 43 percent admit checking for messages more than needed, which means more than 2/3’s of people could be letting electronic communications run their lives, causing undue anxiety, as dubbed by researchers as “tele-pressure,” or feeling the need to respond immediately. When experienced, it is associated with a decrease in sleep quality, more sick days, and the likelihood of mental and physical burnout. Acknowledging the magnitude of this problem, smartphones have a “do not disturb” setting that prevents all (non-emergency) calls, messages, and notifications from interrupting you.

Bottom Line: Take a moment today to tweak your routine to minimize interruption. Set specific times to catch up on news, emails, and social networking sites. Keep distractions from buzzing, dinging, vibrating, and flying through visual field when you need to focus on important work or pay attention to other people. Reduce the constant clutter.

Discussion Questions:

What percentage of your time do you spend responding to emails, texts, and phone calls in a typical day?

How can you work smarter instead of working harder?

RECAP: Instead of responding to every ringing bell/ding, focus on less to do more.

If you could focus on only a few meaningful questions this morning, what would they be? How can you spend less time responding? How can you use technology to help minimize distractions instead of allowing them to disrupt you?

NEXT UP: Relationship Key: Interactions preferable- Refrain from ignoring

Good Morning Faithful Readers

Chapter Six: Don’t Fall Into the Default

          Even when people think they are chasing their lifelong ambitions, in many cases, they are following the dreams of someone they admire. Consider how many people you know who have followed in the footsteps of a sibling, parent, or mentor at some point in their career. If you think about the way many people are raised – surrounded by role models and examples – the carryover of one generation’s aspirations to the next makes perfect sense. Understandably, children learn a great deal from the people they spend time with growing up, and often interests and passions converge. However, this puts an additional responsibility on you – to ensure that you are following your own dreams.  

Cast a Shadow Instead of Living in One

As a parent, I need to avoid the temptation and ease of treating my children the same. I have to avoid pressuring them into boxes created by society’s expectations or my own. My role is to help my children be more who they already are. I can spot early traces of unique talent in my children, even at their young ages. My three-year-old son is remarkably observant and inquisitive. Simply telling him to do something because “it’s a rule” is typically met with a defiant “no.” Instead, he learns by observing why. His five-year-old sister, in contrast, loves structure and teaching people about what she has learned. She has an unusual ability to remember things and has a natural gift for empathizing with and relating to people.

It is already tempting for me to imagine my daughter being a great teacher, like her mother, or a smart and caring physician. Given schools’ intense focus on science, technology, education, and math, I’m sure that both my son and my daughter will feel pressure to excel in these subjects. Yet when they enter the work world, the most valuable goal they can have will be to do something that provides them a positive charge and creates meaning. Everyone grows up with different expectations. One of the best ways to find your areas of interest or passion is by exploring new subjects. If a parent, friend, or mentor introduces you to something you enjoy that builds on your natural talents, it can be quite informative. There is nothing better than working on something with people you love. However, it is easy to fall into a “default career path” – one that is about other’s people’s expectations than about your internal motivations.

The only shadow you should live in is your own. You were born with unique traits and influenced by people who helped you become what you are today. To do justice to those who have invested in you, the challenge is to live the life you want. (in light of their investment in you to enable you to have the opportunity to live the dream perhaps they inspired to search out within you…)

Craft Your Dreams Into Your Job

          Everyday you let something keep you from following a dream, you lose an opportunity to create meaning. However, few people find their ideal job on their first attempt. This is why chipping away at a dream in small steps can be deeply motivating.

          A new body of research suggests that people forge great jobs with effort, as opposed to finding them through job postings. This research, led by led by a team at the U of Michigan, found that you can craft existing jobs to significantly improve the meaningfulness of your work. Effective “job crafting” starts (1.) by looking at how much time you dedicate to specific tasks that give you energy each day. It also entails (2.) looking at the way your relationships at work and (3.) your perception of what you do create meaning for others. By reviewing these three areas, you should be able to build some of your dreams into your current job.

BOTTOM LINE:

Remember during your education and early jobs those instances when you felt such a positive charge that you lost track of time. Recall exactly what you were doing and who you were with and then contemplate how you possibly could inject some of that chemistry into your current job tomorrow. Perhaps even more relevant is to identify those specific people who energize your work and spend less time around those who don’t. You can do more for other people if you stay clear of those who consistently stress you out or drag you down. Work is like any other social network: both negative and positive emotions spread quickly.

Discussion Questions:

What specific tasks do you get so engaged in that you lose track of time?

Who energizes your days? How can you spend more time with them?

Chapter Recap: Cast your own shadow by building your dreams into your job. What is one step you can take today to see how your work makes a difference for others?

NEXT UP:

UNSPOKEN FACT: Whatever you’re apt to be most proud of in a decade from now will not likely be anything that was the result of you simply responding!

Good Morning Faithful Readers!

Chapter Five: Ask What the World Needs

Double Down on Your Talents

          There is something you can do, or be trained to do, in many instances, better than anyone else in the world. You were born with talents as unique as your DNA. Perhaps you have noticed how some people have a natural ability to comfort others in time of need. Another person has an innate curiosity and is always learning. And the next person has a great deal of talent for selling and persuading. These differences create far more diversity than broad categories of gender, race, age, or nationality do. This diversity of talent is what makes individuals distinct from one another.

          Yet society keeps telling you that you can be anything you want to be…. If you just try hard enough. This age-old aspirational myth does more harm than good. While people can overcome adversity and are remarkably resilient, the most potential for growth and development lies in the areas where you have natural talent to start with. The more time you spend building on who you already are, the faster you will grow.

          This is the main lesson I learned from my late mentor and grandfather, Don Clifton, who spent a lifetime studying people’s strengths. Instead of aspiring to be anything you want to be, you should aim to be more of who you are already are. Starting with your natural talents – then investing time in practicing, building skills, and increasing knowledge – yields a much greater return.

          Gallup’s research suggests that when you use your strengths, you can double your number of high-quality work hours per week from 20 to 40. It also reveals that people who focus on their strengths every day are six times as likely to be engaged in their jobs and more than three times as likely to have high levels of overall life satisfaction.

          If you spend most of your time trying to be good at everything, you eliminate your chances of being great at anything. Unless your goal is to be mediocre at a lot of things, starting with what you are naturally good at is a matter of efficiency. Focusing on strengths is in many ways is a basic time-allocation issue. Every hour you invest in an area where you have natural talent has a multiplying effect, whereas each hour you spend trying to remedy a weakness is like working against a gravitational force. Yet many people spend hours or even decades working on weaknesses in hopes that doing so will make them well-rounded.

          Do everything you can to avoid falling into this trap. While well-roundedness may be helpful for acquiring the basic tools for any trade – such as reading, writing, and arithmetic – it loses value as you get closer to finding a career. At that point, what’s more important and relevant is what sets you apart. If you want to be great at something in your lifetime, double down on your talents at every turn.

Act Now Before Today is Gone

The bottom-line question for many us seeking meaningful daily experiences is how much of our time in a typical day is dedicated to activities that give us a positive charge or make a long-term contribution to society? When researchers ask people to keep a journal of how they spend their day, it is remarkable how little time falls into either of these meaningful pursuits that create sustainable well-being.

The reality is, you don’t always have tomorrow to do what matters most. A couple of years ago, I wrestled with this thought extensively, given my health challenges and interest in this topic. Consequently, I stepped away from a workplace consulting job so I could spend all my time on research and writing about how to improve health. I felt like I had to do something to help countless friends and loved ones who were battling heart disease, cancer, diabetes, and obesity. When I asked myself how I could use my strengths and interests to do more for the people I care about, it took me in a new direction! ( has experience on multiple levels)

BOTTOM LINE:

If you fail to do meaningful work that makes a difference today, the day is gone forever. You can try to make up for it tomorrow, but most likely you won’t. Before you know it, several days will have gone by, then a few years. A decade later, you may look back and realize that you missed the opportunity to contribute to the growth of another person, pursue a new interest, or launch a new product. But the opportunity to do something you love will always be there, as long as you start today.

NEXT UP:

Blind Spots, Defaults, & Job Crafting!

Good Morning Faithful Readers!

Ch. Four: Finding A Higher Calling Than Cash

         Working primarily for money is little more than a modern-day form of bribery. We know non-financial incentives – such as recognition, attention, respect, and responsibility – can be more effective than financial incentives. Self-employed entrepreneur and author Tom Rath writes instead of starting with classic economics to prioritize his time schedule, he now begins by asking how his time can make a difference for others. He has found that leading with this fundamental question before delving into the financial aspects, usually leads to better choices.

Avoid Upward Comparison

          When researchers looked at the actual differences in life satisfaction that a sudden doubling of income ($25k to $55k), it did boost happiness – by 9 percent. Nine percent is better than 0 percent, but, as one of the study’s authors put it, “It’s still kind of a letdown when you were expecting a 100 percent return.” It’s important to note that financial security is vital to your well-being. Constant worry about being able to pay off debt can lead to stress, fear, and uncertainty. Yet, if you are able to reach a level of basic financial security, making more money becomes less important for your daily well-being. At much higher income levels, increases in annual pay are unlikely to produce any real effect. Simply judging the success of career based on the amount of money you make can quickly lead you astray. Ask yourself a few basic questions: Are your relationships stronger because of your job? Id your physical health better because of the organization you are part of? Are you contributing more to society because of what you do every day?

          The more you focus your efforts on others, the easier it is to do great work without being dependent on external rewards like money, power, or fame. A fortune will always be relative to the person who has more, and fame is fleeting. While you may be rewarded with a large bonus or major recognition at certain times, most days consist of making a little forward progress without external reward. This is why identifying meaning and purpose in the process of your daily work is essential.

BOTTOM LINE:  

Whenever possible, get your motivation from doing things that contribute to a collective good. Incentives based on group performance have been shown to boost innovation more than individual incentives. Instead of focusing solely on your own performance at work, find a way to gauge the performance of your team, be they marriage, children, grandchildren, church, SS class, small group, nephews, nieces, etc. Then put your energy into helping the recipient person/body achieve. Working toward a shared mission with other people will add a positive charge to each day.  

NEXT UP:

What The World Needs in the Employment Sector

Good Morning Faithful Readers!

The work you do each day is how you make a difference in the world. You likely spend the majority of your time doing something that is considered a job, occupation, or calling. It is essential to make this time count. If you can find the right work, you can create meaning every day, instead of trying to squeeze the most important things in around the edges. Work should be more than a necessary means to an end. Yet one dictionary lists “work” as synonymous with “drudgery” and servitude.”

REALITY CHECK: When I ask persons about their career expectations, one of the most frequent replies I hear is, “You don’t live to work; you work to live.” The assumption built into this belief is that people work primarily for a paycheck in a job devoid of any meaning. (ouch!)

Work for More Than a Living

          The concept of bringing people together in groups, tribes, or organizations is based on the fundamental premise that human beings can do more collectively than they can in isolation. Hundreds of years ago, people banded together for the sake of sharing food and shelter and keeping their family safe. However, when Gallup recently asked workers across the US whether their lives were better off because of the organization they worked for, a mere 12 percent claimed that their lives were significantly better. The vast majority of employees felt their company was a detriment to their overall health and well-being. (OUCH #2)

          This needs to change. Employers are now quite savvy about whether you are engaged or not while you are on the job. They know what they are getting out of you likely better than you know how, or even if, your life is improving, because you are part of that organization. The reality of “What’s good for an employee is in the organization’s best interest as well” is proven by A Towers Watson analysis of 50 global companies being scored on traditional engagement measures. Those with the lowest scores averaged a 10 percent operating margin. This went up to 14 percent among companies with high employee engagement scores. However, in organizations with “sustainable engagement” meaning the organization also improved employees’ personal well-being, the average operating margin was greater than 27 percent. (Really good to know!)

          A healthy relationship between an employee and an organization starts with a shared mission, meaning, or purpose. A 2013 study of more than 12,000 workers worldwide found that employees who derive meaning and understand the importance of their work are more than three times as likely to stay with an organization. Author Tony Schwartz described how this one element has “the highest single impact of any variable” in a study that looked at many elements of a great workplace. Meaningful work was also associated with 1.7 times higher levels of overall job satisfaction.

BOTTOM LINE:

          The future of work lies in redefining it as doing something that makes a difference each day. Work is a purpose, not a place. Work is about productively applying your talent, about making your life, and the lives of other people, stronger as a product of your efforts.

NEXT UP:

But getting to this point starts by moving beyond the pull of a paycheck.

Good Morning Readers:

Chapter 2 is titled “Pursue Life, Liberty and Meaningfuless.” For those of you desiring more “meaningfulness” from Tom, email me & I’ll send you a Word doc. of the ten chapters I’ve summarized thus far, or better yet, go to thriftbooks (earlier they had 8 copies @$6.19 ea.) so order your own copy(s). Who else do you know who could benefit from Tom’s journey to find meaningfulness in their work, & especially, retirement? And I also trust, you’ll encourage others to subscribe to the blog and thereby increase our efficiency.

          The study of meaningfulness has been influenced by Viktor Frankl’s landmark 1946 book “Man’s Search for Meaning”, which chronicled his experience in a Nazi concentration camp. Years before, as a medical student, he was trying to prevent suicide in teenagers struggling with depression by helping teens find practical goals and steps that create “specific and individual meaning,” as Frankl states “Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue. One must have a reason to “be happy.”

          A 2014 study followed teens for a year to see how their brains reacted to self-fulfilling (hedonic) acts versus using fMRI scans and questionnaires. While the participants were in the fMRI scanner, researchers posed scenarios to them about keeping money for themselves versus donating it to their families. The researchers also followed up at the end of the year to review any changes to review any changes from the teens’ baseline of depressive symptoms. The results revealed that teens who had the greatest response to meaningful actions had the greatest declines in depressive symptoms over time. In contrast, teens who made more self-fulling decisions were more likely to have an increase in risk of depression. Meaningful activity essentially protects the brain from dark thoughts solidly confirming Frankl’s earlier work as a med student with suicidal teens that the need for meaningful work begins when we are young continuing on through life.

Get a Charge From Within  

Meaningful work is driven by intrinsic, rather than extrinsic, motivation. Extrinsic motivation is when you do things primarily to receive a reward whereas intrinsic motivation, or deep internal motivation, is much richer, fueled by the meaningfulness of the work you do being driven by what you yearn to do even if there is no reward or compensation. The emerging research from Yale’s 14-year study of 11,320 West Point Cadets suggests it is better to focus solely on intrinsic motivation, because deriving any motive whatsoever from external incentives could decrease performance.

          Think about the implications for your work. When you are bombarded with conventional carrot-and-stick motivators, even if they help at first, they are not sustainable. Instead, look for small ways to keep your best internal motivators front & center throughout the day, such as family photos on your phone lockscreen, or whatever else drives you.

Forge Meaning in the Moment

Meaning does not happen to you – you create it. One of the most important elements of building a great career and life is attaching what we do each day to a broader mission. Until you understand how your efforts contribute to the world, you are simply going through the motions each day. Start by asking why your current job or role even exists. In most cases, jobs are created because they help another person, make a process more efficient, or produce something people need. When you really think about it, it’s not that difficult to find meaningful aspects of almost any job. But it may take effort on your part to analyze how you can begin attaching meaning in those small relational interchanges while at work, connecting the dots in your work &/or play cultures.

THINK ABOUT IT:

For most of us, creating meaningfulness on our own time, is not the problem. It’s how we do it at work, where most people spend most of their waking hours dedicated to being full-time workers, students, parents, or volunteers.

NEXT UP:

Try Making Work a Purpose, Not Just a Place!