From Ch. Three: Every Moment Matters from the book, Pg. 55 How Full Is Your Bucket?
Positive Psychology experts are finding that the frequency of small, positive acts is critical. John Gottman’s pioneering research on marriages suggests that there is a “magic ratio” of 5 to 1 – in terms of our balance of positive to negative interactions. Gottman found that marriages are significantly more likely to succeed when the couple’s interactions are near that 5 to 1 ratio of positive to negative. When the ratio approaches 1 to 1, marriages “cascade to divorce.”
In a fascinating study, Gottmann teamed up with two mathematicians to test this model. Starting in 1992, they recruited 700 couples who had just received their marriage licenses. For each couple, the researchers videotaped a 15-minute conversation between husband and wife and counted the number of positive and negative interactions. Then based on the 5 to 1 ratio, they predicted whether each couple would stay together or divorce.
Ten years later, Gottman and his colleagues followed up with each couple to determine the accuracy of their original predictions. The results were stunning. They had predicted divorce with 94 % accuracy – based on scoring the couple’s interactions for 15 minutes.
This ratio is critical in the workplace as well. A recent study found that work groups with a positive to negative interaction ratios greater than 3 to 1 are significantly more productive than teams that do not reach this ratio. Frederickson and Losada’s mathematical modeling of positive to negative ratios, however, also suggests the existence of an upper limit: Things can worsen if the ratio goes higher than 13 to 1.
So, while this book focuses primarily on ways to increase positive emotions, it is important to note that we don’t recommend ignoring negativity and weaknesses positively; must be grounded in reality. A “Pollyanna” approach in which the negativity is completely ignored, can result in a false optimism that is counterproductive – and sometimes downright annoying. There are times when it is absolutely necessary to correct our mistakes and figure out how to manage our weaknesses.
But most of us don’t have to worry about breaking the upper limit. The positive-to- negative ratios in most organizations are woefully inadequate and leave substantial room for improvement.
NEXT UP: Five Strategies for Increasing Positive Emotions. The first covered will be Prevent Bucket Dipping.
Since it is my daily routine to read from Oswald Chamber’s “My Utmost for His Highest”, this time from Nov 19th., Wednesday morning prior to working on this post, for some reason the Spirit connected Laura’s account, my earlier years of spiritual wandering, and the word conviction into this blog post. Take note, Utmost was even anchored with the verse, “When He has come, He will convict the world of sin…” John 16:8
Therefore, since yesterday’s post included the account of Laura’s emotional downward spiral during her class presentation, solely from the actions of her peers, I realized that for me, and I’m thinking the same is true for many of us, that such emotional painful spirals are frequently caused by our own inward moral or addictive behavioral indiscretions, rather than from other persons thoughtless or inconsiderate actions. And I found Oswald’s word’s especially pertinent teaching for us how to gain, or regain, our vibrant spiritual perspective. Thus, I’ll share them with you. Please read each line slowly, deliberately, & thoughtfully, before proceeding on.
FYI, no where in this How Full Is Your Bucket book, do I find Jesus mentioned or endorsed. Sometimes I think that was a deliberate omission, for if Jesus were mentioned, it may have greatly reduce the book appearing in the hands & on the shelves of those who need it most. We must trust the Spirit to call people to repentance, however, wherever He chooses. Who knows? You & I may be the only representation of the Bible & Jesus some folks may ever see or hear! An awesome responsibility indeed! Therefore, I’m utilizing Chambers words once more here & now to trumpet His clarion call for our appreciation for conviction today, and ultimately, for our discipleship tomorrow, while treading on the turf of a secular book on a blog aimed largely at a culturally Christian audience whose faith and doctrinal realities are also without blemish!
UTMOST WISDOM: Nov 19
Very few of us know anything about conviction of sin.
We know the experience of being disturbed because we have done wrong things.
But conviction of sin by the Holy Spirit blots out every relationship on earth and makes us aware of only one – “Against You, You only, have I sinned... (Psalm 51:4)
When a person is convicted of sin in this way, he knows with every bit of his conscience that God does forgive,
but it cost the breaking of God’s heart with grief in the death of Christ to enable to do so.
The great miracle of the grace of God is that He forgives sin,
and it is the death of Jesus Christ alone,
that enables the divine nature to forgive and to remain true to itself in doing so.
It is shallow nonsense to say that God forgives us because He is love.
Once we have been convicted of sin, we will never say this again.
The love of God means Calvary— nothing less!
The love of God is spelled out on the Cross and nowhere else!
The only basis for which God can forgive me is the Cross of Christ.
It is there that His conscience is satisfied.
Forgiveness doesn’t merely mean that I am saved from hell and have been made ready for heaven.
Forgiveness means that I am forgiven into a newly created relationship which identifies me with God in Christ.
The miracle of redemption is that God turns me, the unholy one, into the standard of Himself, the Holy One.
He does this by putting into me a new nature, the nature of Jesus Christ. Justification!
(merlin again. I suggest you make a mental note of this Nov 19 Utmost reading for future reference. As well as for the Nov 20 on Forgiveness! This all does remind me of the hymn, Hallelujah! What a Savior! by Phillip B Bliss 1875)
Man of Sorrows!” what a name For the Son of God, who came Ruined sinners to reclaim. Hallelujah! What a Savior!
Bearing shame and scoffing rude, In my place condemned He stood; Sealed my pardon with His blood. Hallelujah! What a Savior!
Guilty, vile, and helpless we; Spotless Lamb of God was He; “Full atonement!” can it be? Hallelujah! What a Savior!
Lifted up was He to die; “It is finished!” was His cry; Now in Heav’n exalted high. Hallelujah! What a Savior!
When He comes, our glorious King, All His ransomed home to bring, Then anew His song we’ll sing: Hallelujah! What a Savior!
OK, back to the Bucket book. As a result of the Positive Psychology Movement – the study of “what is right” with people – some of the world’s leading academic minds are now devoting their careers to analyzing the effects of positive emotions. At the risk of greatly oversimplifying a decade of in-depth research, many of the world’s most noted scientists have put negativity on trial and have founded it guilty!
These recent studies show that negative emotions can be harmful to your health and it might even shorten your lifespan. (I’ve heard that most of my life, but now it is “science.”) We already know that one negative person can ruin an entire workplace but negative emotions can also destroy relationships families and entire careers.
In contrast, recent discoveries suggests that positive emotions are an essential daily requirement for survival. Not only do they improve your physical and mental health, but they can also provide a buffer against depression and illness.
>Thousands of Moments Every Day
According to Noble Peace Prize scientist Daniel Kahneman, we experience approximately 20,000 individual moments in a waking day. Each “moment” lasts a few seconds. If you consider any strong memory positive or negative – you’ll notice that the imagery in your mind is actually defined by your recollection of a precise point in time. And rarely does a neutral encounter stay in your mind – the memorial moments are almost always positive or negative! And in some cases, a single encounter can change your life forever.
In a recent Today segment Katie Couric interviewed a young man named Brian Bennett who had grown up in a troubled and abusive environment. He had struggled in school and been picked on regularly at a young age. Now Brian is a successful and well-adjusted adult. When Couric asked him, “What made the difference?” the young man responded without thinking twice: The defining moment in his life occurred when a grade school teacher simply told him that she cared about him and believed in him. This one small interaction turned Brian Bennett’s life around.
In another case, we asked Kristin, the management consultant, “What is the greatest recognition you’ve ever received?” Her answer: “Three words in an email.” We then found out when Kristin’s mother passed away, a mentor at work whom Kristin had admired throughout her career wrote her a special note. Her mentor’s e-mail concluded by saying, “Your mother was very proud of you, and so am I.” After 25 years with her company, three simple words carried more meaning than any other recognition Kristin had received in her entire life.
NEXT UP: John Gottman’s pioneering research on marriages. This research will change your life, married or not!
From Pg. 35 from How Full Is Your Bucket? Positive Strategies for Work & Life
(merlin here: “To bring these numbers to life and purpose to this book’s obsession with “buckets” , here’s an example of the effect that just a small dose of negativity had on one employee. Does Laura’s story sound familiar to you? Believe me, Laura’s case is mild, compared to the ones I’ve inflicted on myself & others, over my years.”)
“There I was, standing at the front of the room, ready to get into the best part of my presentation. I stayed up late the last two nights preparing. I had a great deal of knowledge and passion on this topic and wanted everything to be perfect. And I really hoped to impress my boss and colleagues. Everything was going well as I flipped through the first few slides. Then a sudden technological glitch gave everyone a chance to start talking for a few minutes.
I overheard Mike whispering to Beth that it looked like I had been out late last night. I wanted to jump across the table and strangle him. Did I really look that bad? I tried to remain composed but I was shaken.
When my presentation was back up, it was time to get everyone focused again and proceed. As I tried desperately to regain everyone’s attention my insecurities grew. Were my first few points so boring that they were dreading the next part, or did I look so bad that it was undermining my credibility?
Finally, my boss realized that I was about to have a breakdown and refocused everyone’s attention. Unfortunately, he did it by saying, “Laura does not look very happy with us; maybe we should pay attention now!” Ouch! Sometimes I can’t believe the things people say out loud. Every ounce of confidence I had mustered to give this presentation was wiped out. Things really went downhill after that.
We all have experienced situations when it seems nothing will go right no matter what we’ve done, or now, in the moment, we say or do! Maybe you feel like everyone is out to get you, and you even start to fixate on negative things about yourself. Spiraling downward isn’t hard to do when your bucket is being emptied.
Not only do you feel down, but you are less productive because of it, and you bring others down with you by reactively dipping from their buckets. When you interact with people on such days, they quickly sense and are affected by the negativity you radiate. It’s not easy to hide – in fact, it’s highly contagious.
BOTTOM LINE:
It is possible for just one or two people to poison an entire workplace. And managers who have tried moving negative people to other departments to alleviate the problem know that “location, location, location,” doesn’t apply to these people; they bring their negativity along with them wherever they go. We’ve witnessed negative employees or members tearing through a workplace or a congregation like a hurricane racing through a coastal town, and that’s only addressing the externally “other-caused bucket-spiraling!”
To be fair in identifying such potential carnage, we need to be aware of our own personal propensity to hide our “conscience-laundering” when we’re confronted & condemned by the Holy Spirit’s overwhelming conviction for our sinful choices, be they moral or addictive.
NEXT UP: Ch. Three: And yes, in these matters of reconciliation, every moment does matter!
Yes, bucket-filling is an extraordinary powerful leadership strategy.
Of course, there is a flip side. There always is!
Right now, the majority of us don’t give or receive (I’m only concerned with giving praise & encouragement now) anywhere near the amount of praise that we should. As a result, we’re much less productive and in many cases, completely disengaged in our jobs. According to the U.S. Department of Labor, the number-one reason people leave their jobs is because they “do not feel appreciated.”
But the problem doesn’t stop there. There’s more.
One study of health care workers found that when employees were working for a boss they disliked, they had significantly higher blood pressure. According to the British scientist George Fieldman, this boss-induced hypertension could increase the risk of coronary heart disease by 17% and the risks of stroke by 33%.
“There was both a statistical and clinically significant elevation during the time people had the boss they didn’t like,” says Fieldman, a psychologist and psychotherapist. “People who work with bosses they really hated constantly for years would probably be quite vulnerable to heart disease because of the elevation of blood pressure in the long-term.”
Where productivity is concerned it would be better for organizations if people who are overtly negative stayed home. When they do show up for work, they are counterproductive. We all know these types of people. They walk around the office or job site with glazed looks or move from cubicle to cubicle stirring up trouble with whining, complaining, and even paranoia. Sound familiar?
Our estimates suggest that there are more than 22 million workers – in the U.S. alone – who are extremely negative or “actively disengaged,” and this data was a decade prior covid. Imagine now!
This rampant negativity is not only disheartening, it’s expensive. It cost the U.S. economy between $250 and $300 billion every year in lost productivity alone. When you add workplace injury, illness, turnover, absences, and fraud, the cost could surpass $1 trillion per year, or nearly 10% of the U.S. gross domestic product (GDP). These costs are not specific to the United States; they exist to varying degrees in every country, industry, and organization we have studied.
And our figures are conservative. To estimate costs accurately, we only accounted for the direct impact that “actively disengaged” employees have at work. We quantified the productivity – or the lack thereof – occurring in each person’s own workspace. In analyzing the data, we had to assume that disengaged employees simply sat in his or her cubicle and didn’t wreak havoc elsewhere – an unlikely assumption, of course. Most disengaged employees do plenty of things each day that bring others down with their own sinking ship.
NEXT UP: You ever personally caught yourself in a downward spiral of anger, or an addiction, and there was absolutely nothing you could do to stop the free-fall?
From Ch. Two of How Full Is Your Bucket? Positive Strategies for Work & Life
Most of us will never endure the kind of psychological torture that the American prisoner of war suffered during the Korean War. Yet we all experience positive and negative interactions every day that influence how we feel and behave. Just because these interactions are commonplace and often undramatic doesn’t mean that they do not matter. They do. While most of our negative experiences will not kill us, they can slowly but surely erode our well-being and productivity. Fortunately, positive experiences or “bucket filling” can even be more powerful.
Bucket Filling in Organizations
Although bucket filling goes far beyond the concepts of “recognition” and “praise,” these are two critical components for creating positive emotions in organizations. In fact, we surveyed more than 4 million employees worldwide on this topic. Our latest analysis which includes more than 10,000 business units and more than 30 industries, has found that individuals who receive regular recognition and praise:
increase their individual productivity
increase engagement among their colleagues
are more likely to stay with their organization
receive higher loyalty and satisfaction scores from customers
have better safety records and fewer accidents on the job
To put this into perspective, think about the greatest recognition you have ever received in the workplace. Chances are, it caused you to feel better about your organization and, in turn, become more productive. Great recognition and praise can immediately transform a workplace. And just one person can infuse positive emotions into an entire group by filling buckets more frequently. Studies show that organizational leaders who share positive emotions have work groups with a more positive mood enhanced job satisfaction, greater engagement, and improved group performance.
One CEO we know, Ken, claims that the bucket filling is his “secret weapon” as a leader. He has developed very targeted ways to increase positive emotions in the large organization that he runs. In Ken’s frequent travels around the globe, he always stops by his company’s local offices. And he doesn’t visit to “spy” on his employees or just to meet with upper management. Instead, his primary intent is to energize the people in each workplace.
Before arriving, Ken recalls successes and achievements he has heard over the past few months involving people in that office. As soon as he arrives, Ken casually visits with these individuals and congratulates them. He may offer kudos to an employee who recently got married or had a child or praise someone who gave a great presentation. His favorite line is: “I’ve been hearing a lot of good talk behind your back.”
The most enjoyable part of spreading positivity for Ken is to “watch the energy move through the network” once he sets it in motion. He realized that he could light up an entire workplace with a few brief – but very energizing – conversations.
“I discovered that bucket filling is an extraordinarily powerful leadership strategy,” Ken says. As a result of this approach, thousands looked to him for motivation and guidance.
Forget the devil’s “Black Friday!” Dwell Rather on the Facts of This “Holy Night” and the Resurrection Sunday Following “Good Friday” Ending Forever Our Enslavement to Sin!
The real question is: How can you tell the difference between God’s voice and your own inner voice? Is there a trustworthy, biblical, and mature way to discern that? The answer is, yes, there is. And it doesn’t involve mystical tricks or feeling peace in your heart at all costs. In this video you’re going to learn four practical and scripture-based tests to discern when God is truly speaking and when it’s just anxiety dressed up as revelation.
merlin: Again, as prior, if technology works, you may either read the script, or scroll down for the YouTube version at the bottom. Your choice. As always, your comments are appreciated, and everything posted, is first & foremost, to myself, so don’t cob an attitude as time is short and THE night is coming!
Test ONE, confirm it with the Bible.
The psalmist says, “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.” in this passage, the author of Psalm 100:19 acknowledges that just like a lamp-lights up someone’s path in the darkness, scripture lights up our decisions and directs our daily walk. We must always remember that the Bible is the ultimate filter for discerning the voice of God. If an idea, plan, or dream, doesn’t pass the test of Scripture, it must be discarded without hesitation. God is not inconsistent, nor does He contradict what He has already clearly revealed in His word. Many Christians get confused mistaking emotion or personal desire for God’s voice.
The first Test is so simple. If it goes against the Bible, it’s not from God. He will never encourage attitudes that violate his principles.
1.) He is not going to whisper to you to take revenge on someone because “vengeance is mine; I will repay saith the Lord.”
2.) He’s not going to authorize you to isolate yourself from the fellowship of the church, since we’re “not to forsake the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the day approaching.
3.) He is also not going to plant the idea in your heart that you are spiritually superior, because “let nothing be done through strife or vain glory; but in lowliness of mind, let each esteem others better than themselves.” In short, if the idea that came to you confirms what the Bible already teaches, if it echoes the principles of Christ, if it reflects the character of Jesus, love, truth, humility, justice, then you can seriously consider that it may be God’s voice indeed.
TEST TWO, don’t trust your own heart.
Wise Solomon gave a serious warning. There is a way which seems right unto a man but the end thereof are the ways of death. In this verse, the King draws attention to the weakness of human discernment. He knew, maybe from experience, that trusting only in appearances or emotions, can lead to disastrous choices. In other words, what looks good to us, isn’t always God’s will. How many times have we heard someone say, “But I felt peace in my heart, so it must be from God.” The problem with that idea, is that the Bible, also states “the heart Is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked, who can know it? The heart can manufacture a false peace, just to legitimize what we already wanted. Desires, emotional needs, and even fears, can disguise bad choices under a spiritual façade.
That’s why we can’t put our trust solely in feeling peace in the heart, but rather in what is written in the Word. And here comes another fundamental biblical principle. When God’s will is revealed, He changes our heart. The Apostle Paul is living proof of that. He used to boast about being a Pharisee and a persecutor of the Church. But on the road to Damascus, Christ radically changed his heart. That’s why he later declared, “But what things were gained to me, those I counted lost for Christ.” That’s how God works. He aligns the human heart with his good, perfect, and acceptable will. And I know, I might have just made this test seem more complex, because on the one hand, we’re not supposed to trust our hearts, but on the other hand, we see in the Bible that when a thought comes from God, He transforms our will and makes us feel peace in our heart as well.
But here’s the key distinction; the peace that comes from God, never stands alone; it always aligns with what’s already revealed in Scripture. Think about this example for a young person marrying someone who doesn’t share the same faith. It might seem romantic, the emotions might even create some false peace in the heart, but if Scripture is clear in saying be not unequally yoked together with unbelievers, then it’s not God leading that decision, because God’s Will is never going to contradict God’s word. Just like we saw in Test One, now let’s be clear this doesn’t mean that God’s will is going to lead that young person into an unhappy life or into marrying someone they’re not attracted to. On the contrary, the person God has for them will not be someone they can’t admire or feel drawn to; it’ll be someone who brings joy and confirms in the heart what the Bible already guarantees. God’s will is always good. In other words, that peace in the heart won’t just be a feeling, but rather, the true peace that’s in full harmony with the Word of God.
TEST Three: Wait for God’s timing.
“For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.” This verse from Habakkuk 2:3 is born in the midst of a crisis. The prophet was distressed at seeing wickedness growing in Judah and even more troubled when God revealed he would use the Babylonians, a violent and cruel people to discipline Israel. His mind was filled with questions. How can a just God allow this? It’s in this context that God responds assuring him that nothing is out of His control, even if it seems delayed. God’s justice and judgment arrive at the right time. The message is clear. God’s clock never fails. He is never late. He always acts at the exact moment. The anguish that the prophet Habakkuk felt upon receiving this promise is the same anguish we often feel today because our lives are so limited. We tend to rush things but when we look at various biblical examples, we see that God’s way of acting is completely different from ours. Joseph was enslaved and imprisoned for years in Egypt. Abraham reached old age without children and Moses was called only at 80 years old. All of these examples show that unlike us, God is never in a hurry. He always acts in His time, the right time, and He still works that way today.
Keep this in mind. Impulsiveness is rarely a sign of divine direction. God doesn’t operate at the pace of human anxiety but in the perfect rhythm of His purpose. That’s why when a voice pushes you to make a decision hastily, in fear or desperation, it’s time to be suspicious. God’s voice may challenge & confront you, it may take you out of your comfort zone, but it doesn’t rush you. It doesn’t shove you into rush decisions.
On the contrary, it matures within you, confirms itself over time, withstands fleeting emotions, and doesn’t fade when the excitement wears off. That’s why many people declare decisions one day; moving to a new city, changing careers, even getting married, and regret it the next day. Why? Because they mistook inner noise for the voice of the Spirit. Emotions erupt and then dissipate, but the word of God remains, grows, and strengthens within you.
So, here’s the test. If the voice you think you heard, remains firm after weeks or months, if it survives mood swings, and trends of the moment, there’s a strong chance it’s from God because if it’s from Him, it doesn’t fade, it remains, it matures, and in the right time, it is confirmed. In short God’s voice is not a spark, it’s a flame that endures.
Test 4 seek confirmation from other believers
Proverbs 11:14 states, “Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counselors there is safety.” Solomon presents here a practical life principle in that since we face complex decisions that will vastly change the course of a person’s story-line or bottom line, it is imperative we gather counsel from people who fear God, reflecting God’s own will, by calling us to live in His community of brotherhood, and not in isolation. This means that if you believe God told you something like changing jobs, moving to another city, or starting a business, but you have no spiritually mature Christians, no spiritual leaders, no prayerful believers around you, who are sensing the same direction or testify something similar, be careful. It might just be your inner voice disguised as revelation.
The true voice of God can be recognized by other sheep, not because everyone will immediately agree with you, but because what the Lord speaks to you will echo in the hearts of others who also have the Holy Spirit. God loves the body of Christ and uses advice from leaders, brothers and sisters in the faith, sermons, even circumstances to confirm what He’s already begun speaking in secret. In other words, if it’s from God, it doesn’t stay locked in your thoughts. He himself opens doors, confirms it through mature people, and provides clear signs that you’re not walking alone.
So, how do you tell the difference between God’s voice and your own inner voice at the end of the day? Hearing God’s voice isn’t about goosebumps, emotion, or spiritual catchphrases.
It’s about testing test it with the Bible because God will never contradict Himself.
Test it with your heart because it’s easily deceived and manufacturers false peace.
Test it with time because what comes from God matures. It doesn’t fade.
Test it within your community faith because the voice of the Lord also echoes through His people.
BOTTOM LINE:
If it passes these four filters you can be sure,it’s not just internal noise; it’s divine direction. God’s voice doesn’t confuse, rush, or manipulate. It guides, transforms, and confirms.
NEXT UP:
5 Easy Steps to Creating Your Art WITH God…. My definition of what constitutes art is boat loads wider than merely paintings, sculptures, music, photography, composition, etc. I see parenting, gardening, animal husbandry, crop farming, welding, carpentry, computer programing, pastors, nursing, physical therapy, teaching…. ALL as being outlets for our divine creativity to be on display, especially as we intersect with our brother & sisters socially, mentally, physically, spiritually in such areas as our dreams, aspirations, quirks, perceptions, foundational truths, emotions, preferences, etc., while we are on the journey of life. God’s artistry has no confines, no boundaries, nor do we in our daily expression of being His ambassadors for His Light & Love. His opportunities abound anew every morning. Praise His Name! Enter His Courts & your earthly studios with praise & thanksgiving!
Did someone say they were bored? Impossible, if you’ve encountered our risen Lord!!
Positive Strategies For Work & Life, written by Tom Rath
In the early 1950s my grandfather Don Clifton was teaching psychology at the University of Nebraska when he noticed a major problem: The field of psychology was based almost entirely on the study of what is wrong with people.
Strictly merlin’s speculations: And as previously cited in the prior post Negativity Kills, Don’s review of one specific case study by Dr. Wm E Mayer of the 1000 N Korean American POW’s altered the entire focus of his career and life. And I maintain that we as His ambassadors, if we would answer His spiritual call affirmatively, between our years of 15-23 yrs of age when accompanied with His transformation & empowerment, and with the necessary discipline, encouragement & mentoring, as Gallup proved 50 years later with their boatloads of data, that His kingdom legacies would abound, perhaps not so well known here on earth, but during those reunions & impromptu meet & greets in heaven, the journey dots will finally be connected…. And our glorification with Him will be recognized & eternally enjoyed. Remember, Jesus is always invitational & it is never too late to begin, except AFTER the trumpet call!
Don began to wonder if it wouldn’t be more important to study what isright with people.
So, over the past five decades, Don and his colleagues conducted millions of interviews missing on the positive instead of the negative.
Early in his research Don discovered that our lives are shaped by our interactions with others. Whether we have a long conversation with a friend or simply place an order at a restaurant, every interaction makes a difference. The results of our encounters are rarely neutral; they are almost always positive or negative. And although we take these interactions for granted, they accumulate and profoundly affect our lives.
During the course of Don’s work in the 1990’s a new field of study emerged: Positive Psychology, which focuses on what is right with people. Today many of the world’s leading scientists study the effects of positive emotions.
In 2002, Don’s pioneering work was recognized by the American Psychological Association, which cited him as Grandfather of Positive Psychology and the Father of Strengths Psychology. That same year, Don learned that an aggressive and terminal cancer had spread throughout his body. Knowing his time was limited, he spent his final months doing what he did best and what people who knew him well, would have expected: helping others focus on the positive.
Although Don had written already written several books including the best seller, Now Discover Your Strengths, he asked me to join him in writing one last book – one based on a theory he created in the 1960s. People had been asking Don to write this book for decades as a result of the theory’s popularity. Over the past forty years, more than 5000 organizations and one million people have applied this theory. And people always passed it along to friends, colleagues, and loved ones.
Based on a simple metaphor of a “dipper” and a “bucket,” Don’s theory carried profound implications and simplified his life’s work for others. So in his final months, Don and I worked night and day to assemble the most compelling differences he had gathered over half a century of work. Although Don was undergoing chemotherapy and radiation, we continued to work on this book whenever he had the energy – which was the majority of the time.
We sat in his study for hours, reviewing the research, statistics, and stories, we thought you would find compelling. As Don’s health deteriorated, I read sections to him and took notes on his feedback. He reviewed every section wanting each story and insight to resonate with you.
For my part, I was honored to be Don’s partner in creating this book. He was my mentor, teacher, role model, and friend. We were exceptionally close, and I cherished the time we had together. I was always motivated and inspired by his vision. And Don knew that I had been touched deeply by his theory throughout my life. As we will describe in Chapter Four, applying Don’s Theory of the Dipper and the Bucket energized and probably save me in my own battles with cancer.
In hindsight, I think this project also gave Don additional energy in the final stages of his fight with cancer. He had spent his life trying to make the world a better place one person at a time and he understood that completing this book would make a difference. We finished our first draft of this book just weeks before his death in September of 2003.
Over the 79 years of Don’s life, he touched millions of individuals through his books, teaching, and the global business he built. Don reached so many people as a result of his unwavering belief in helping individuals and organizations focus on what is right. (merlin: Can we do any less?)
As you read this book, we hope that you will discover the power of bucket filling in your own life.
Pg 21 From How Full Is Your Bucket? Positive Strategies For Work & Life. Continued from Tuesday’s post. If you’ve not read that, begin there first.
Mayer reported that the North Koreans’ objective was to “deny men the emotional support that comes from interpersonal relationships.” To do this, the captors use four primary tactics:
Informing
self-criticism
breaking loyalty to leadership and country
withholding all positive emotional support
To encourage informing, the North Koreans gave prisoners rewards such as cigarettes when they snitched on one another. But neither the offender nor the soldier reporting the violation was punished – the captors encouraged this practice for a different reason. Their intent was to break relationships and turn the men against each other. The captors understood that the soldiers could actually harm each other if they were encouraged to dip from their comrades’ buckets every day.
To promote self-criticism the captors gathered groups of 10 or 12 soldiers and employed what Mayer described as “a corruption of group psychotherapy.” In these sessions each man was required to stand up in front of the group and confess all the bad things he had done as well as all the good things he could have done but failed to do.
The most important part of this tactic was that the soldiers were not “confessing” to the North Koreans, but to their own peers. By subtly eroding the caring, trust, respect, and social acceptance among the American soldiers, the North Koreans created an environment which buckets of goodwill were constantly and ruthlessly drained.
The third major tactic that the captors employed was breaking loyalty to leadership and country. The primary way they did this was by slowly and relentlessly undermining a soldier’s allegiance to his superiors.
The consequences were ghastly. In one case, a Colonel instructed one of his men not to drink the water from a rice paddy field but because he knew the organisms in the water might kill him. The soldier looked at his Colonel and remarked, “Buddy you ain’t no colonel anymore; you’re just a lousy prisoner like me. You take care of yourself and I’ll take care of me.” The soldier died of dysentery a few days later.
In another case, 40 men stood by as three of their extremely ill fellow soldiers were thrown out of their mud hut by a comrade and left to die in the elements. Why did their fellow soldiers do nothing to help them? Because it “wasn’t their job.” The relationships had been broken; the soldiers simply didn’t care about each other anymore.
But the 4th tactic of withholding all positive emotional support while inundating soldiers with negative emotions was perhaps bucket dipping in its purest and most malicious form. If a soldier received a support letter from home, the captors withheld it. All negative letters however – such as those telling of a relative and was going to remarry – were delivered to soldiers immediately.
The captors would even deliver overdue bills from collection agencies back home – within less than two weeks of the original postmark. The effects were devastating: the soldiers had nothing to live for and lost basic belief in themselves and their loved ones, not to mention God and country. Mayer said that the North Koreans had put the American soldiers “into a kind of emotional and psychological isolation, the likes of which we have never seen.”
Studying Positivity
Moved by this story of psychological torture and deprivation – and perhaps inspired by the hope that these soldiers had not suffered or died in vain – Don Clifton and his colleagues studied decided to study the flip side of this horrific equation. They wondered: If people can be literally destroyed by unrelenting negative reinforcement, can they be uplifted and inspired to greater degree by similar levels of positivity? In essence, they asked:
Can positivity have an even stronger impact than negativity?
Their research to answer this question inspired the Theory of the Dipper and the Bucket. The theory is based on the following principles:
Everyone has an invisible bucket. We are at our best when our buckets are over flowing – and at our worst when they are empty.
Everyone also has an invisible dipper. In each interaction, we can use our dipper either to fill or to dip from others buckets.
Whenever we choose to fill others’ buckets, we in turn fill our own.
The Theory of the Dipper and the Buckethas been investigated, applied, and embraced by millions around the world over the past half century. People who have heard this theory found it to be inspiring and easily applicable in their everyday lives. Most importantly it is a theory you can put to work to make your life better – right now.
In the pages that follow, you will find:
a simple language to use and share with others
a summary of research discoveries that are applicable in your daily life
true dipper and bucket stories
ways to eliminate negativity from your workplace and life
five proven strategies for increasing positive emotions
merlin: Make sure you understand the pivotal importance of this first paragraph for not only the life altering influence for Don CLifton, Ph.D., but also for his grandson Tom Rath, Gallup, and millions of others benefiting from his initial research in the 50’s at the University of Nebraska.
When we started writing this book, the first question I asked my grandfather was: “Why did you begin studying what is right with people?” Don answered my question without a moment’s hesitation – his review of one specific case study had altered the entire focus of his career and life. And this study was about as far as possible from a positive or inspiring story:
Following the Korean War, Major (Dr.) William E Mayer, who later became the US Army chief psychiatrist, studied 1000 American prisoners of war who had been detained in a North Korean camp. He was particularly interested in examining one of the most extreme and perversely effective cases of psychological warfare on record – one that had a devastating impact on its subjects.
American soldiers had been detained in camps that were not considered especially cruel or unusual by conventional standards. The captive soldiers had adequate food, water, and shelter. They weren’t subjected to common physical torture tactics of the times such as having bamboo shoots driven under their fingernails. In fact, fewer cases of physical abuse were reported in the North Korean POW camps that in prison camps from any other major military conflict throughout history.
Why, then, did so many American soldiers die in these camps? They weren’t hemmed in with barbed wire. Armed guards did not surround the camps. Yet no soldier ever tried to escape. Furthermore, these men regularly broke rank and turned against each other, sometimes forming close relationships with their N Korean captors.
When the survivors were released to a Red Cross group in Japan, they were given the chance to phone loved ones to let them know they were alive. Very few bothered to make the call.
Upon returning home, the soldiers maintained no friendships or relationships with each other. Mayer described each man as being in a mental “solitary confinement cell… without any steel or concrete.
Mayer had discovered a new disease in the POW camps – a disease of extreme hopelessness. It was not uncommon for a soldier to wander into his hut and look despairingly about, deciding there was no use in trying to participate in his own survival. He would go into a corner alone, sit down, pull a blanket over his head. And he would be dead within two days.
The soldiers actually call it “give up-it is.” The doctors labored it labeled it “marasmus,” meaning, in Mayer’s words, “a lack of resistance, a passivity.” If the soldiers had been hit, spat upon, or slapped, they would have become angry. Their anger would have given them the motivation to survive. But in the absence of motivation, they simply died, even though there was no medical justification for their deaths.
Despite relatively minimal physical torture, “marasmus” raised the overall death rate in the North Korean POW camps to incredible 38% – the highest POW death rate in the US military history. Even more astounding was that half of these soldiers died simply because they ‘d given up. They had completely surrendered both mentally and physically.
How could this have happened the answers were found in the extreme mental tactics that the North Korean captors used. They employed what Mayer described as the “ultimate weapon” of war.
