Author: Merlin Erb

This book, Go Now, is filled with bold faith and miracle stories of head hunters in the northern Philippines, to Communist China where Wendell and his wife Daisy, made over 1000 border crossings with suitcases filled with Bibles. Wendell gives you an intimate inside look at how God worked deep in his heart rescuing a discontented young man and crafted him into an effective tool for His service. Now, onto Post #3 of 9.

Then He said to the crowd, “If any of you want to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross daily and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you will give up your life for my sake, you will save it. And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but are yourself lost or destroyed?” (Luke 9:23-25 NLT”)

I had read these verses many times before. I had memorized them as a child. They were words that always left my heart in unresolved conflict. As I read them now, however, it seemed that they were more than bothersome words. They were calling to me personally and I felt I really needed to hear what Jesus was saying. It was as if Jesus himself were speaking directly to me, that same Jesus who had promised to be with me always, the One who is the same yesterday and today and forever. As I stilled my heart and listened, I found a vague familiarity in the words that took me back to something distant, to a childhood memory. I strained to hear the voice I knew was certainly speaking to me yet seems so hard to hear. Spiritual ears that had been deaf for so long, were finally came to life!

“Wendell,” Jesus seemed to be saying. (I somehow knew it was him!) “You have seen how everyone is searching, striving, and trying desperately to prove they are someone, that they have value and worth. You see how they are never sure, never completely satisfied that they are living out their destiny or accomplishing anything significant or meaningful. Through human efforts, you will fail every time. Wendell, if you will let me, if you will trust Me, I will give you real life, the kind of life you are searching for!”

I drew deeply on the cigarette and thought long and hard on what God seemed to be saying. Could it really be this simple? Was there really a way I could experience what my heart was so intensely longing for?

I went back and read the fine print of the promise. To gain, I must lose? Lose by deliberately making choices that really didn’t make any sense? Deny myself? Take up my cross daily and simply follow Jesus? I didn’t understand how this worked. I figured most other people didn’t understand how it works either because I didn’t know of anyone whom I could say really denied themselves daily to follow Jesus. I was perplexed but I felt I was on to something, albeit something that would probably come with great risk.

Suddenly I remembered a thought, a burst of inspiration I had jotted down on a scrap of paper during my last year in high school I had written, “You won’t find your real purpose for living until you find a purpose worth dying for.”

At that moment, it all began to make sense: Jesus had lived his life to the fullest because He found I was worth dying for. Me! Perhaps I would find my real life by dying to my own self-interest in exchange for following and serving Jesus’s interests. The question now was: would I – could I – be willing to do this to the extent that Jesus was asking? I knew without a question that there would be no halfway point in this offer. It would have to be all or nothing, either a yes or a no.

BOTTOM LINE:

I crawled back through the skylight let myself drop onto the bed beneath. I had a strange sense that I was at a major turning point in my life, and the choice seemed clear. A compromised agreement with Jesus’ invitation would probably be worse than completely rejecting his offer. I knew I did not have the strength and the willpower to truly hold up to the conditions required of me. The situation would require some outside assistance. With an understanding that I had little to lose and with determination to aggressively pursue Jesus’ offer, I fell into a peaceful sleep.

In summary, the chapter aptly titled “Going Deeper,” resonates with many of us, especially as Wendell shares his meeting and being prayed over by Gerald Derstine, (1928-2022) who became a prominent early leader in the charismatic movement. Born into a conservative Pennyslvania Mennonite family, he initially became a functional agnostic but experienced a profound spiritual transformation after attending a Pentecostal revival in 1955, which led him to yield his life to Christ. His ministry, marked by an outpouring of the Holy Spirit featuring miracles, speaking in tongues, and other charismatic manifestations, began during a youth retreat in 1954-1955 at the Strawberry Lake Mennonite Church in MN. This revival led the conference to silencing his ministry in 1955 as church leaders demanded he denounce the events as Satanic, which he refused to do.

In his book, Wendell references the heated conversations in many Mennonite conferences & congregations about the Holy Spirit; who He is, what He does, when and how to get Him, during the years following up to his meeting Gerald in the later 60’s in NYC. Wendell poignantly identified the conflict for we born during the 1940’s and later, for we grew up with up God defined as a God of order, discipline, and correctness, demanding a kind of holy purity. Wendell shares beginning during his middle school years of coming to the conclusion that the Holy Spirit was probably something good, but the issue then was so controversial, he concluded he’d be better off if he kept himself at a safe distance, at least until the dust settled.

Therefore, I’ve divided chapter three, “Going Deeper” into nine posts. Here begins the third chapter, “Going Deeper.”

“If your children ask for a fish do you give them a snake instead, Or if they ask for an egg do you give them a scorpion? Of course not! So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him? Luke 11:11 – 13

I had previously removed four of the five protective bars from the skylight over my third-story bedroom at the Voluntary Service Center jumping up from my bed I grasped the remaining bar and with great effort pulled myself up through the narrow opening and then crawled out the skylight window.

Sitting on the flat tarred roof I leaned against a stained brick chimney and stared out over the neighborhood. It was so different from the neighborhood I had known in Kidron. The unpleasant odor of the tar grilled by the afternoon sun mixed with a wonderful cross-cultural smorgasbord of smells drifting out from nearby open windows where evening meals were being prepared. This was the perfect place to meditate undisturbed. None of the other young residents in the house beneath my rooftop perch knew my secret place. Secure from prying eyes, I lit up a cigarette and enjoyed its calming effects as the stresses of the day seemed to dissipate along with the smoke. I had been in the city for nearly a year. During this time I had indeed gained a clearer perspective on life, humanity, and the human heart, even my own life. With a final puff I ground out the glowing tip of the cigarette and flicked the remaining evidence over onto a neighboring roof top.

One thing was clear. If there were going to be any meaning to this life, I would have to make my own way to find it. The tried and proven methods that the masses seem bent on pursuing regardless whether it was in Kidron or New York City, seemed to lead nowhere. People generally define success by how good a façade they are able to present in a never-ending game of illusions. The last thing I wanted was to become trapped inside an illusion of success or happiness.

Bottom Line:

Usually when I came up to my secret place, along with my cigarettes, I would also bring my Bible. There was something comforting about the book. Maybe it eased my guilt for sneaking a smoke. Even if I didn’t read it much, it felt good to have it at my side. Somehow my roots were in this book, and I knew if all else failed in life, somewhere buried within those pages, lay the clues that perhaps would unlock new avenues of exploration and hope.

Under the ambient light of the city, I lit another cigarette and randomly flipped through my open Bible. There on the page in front of me, my eyes fell on these familiar voice words of Jesus.

Then He said to the crowd, “If any of you want to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross daily and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you will give up your life for my sake, you will save it. And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but are yourself lost or destroyed?” (Luke 9:23-25 NLT”)

         Again folks, that’s just the way I see it this morning, always speaking to myself, first & foremost! To be continued.

in a few minutes it will detonate and be irreversible…..

I have attempted below to explain my rational for exposing you to seven consecutive posts from Chapter Three titled “Going Deeper” from Wedell Martin’s “GO NOW: From the Innermost Parts of the Heart to the Uttermost Parts of the World.”

First, I desire that you can experience Wendell’s real life practical exposure of the struggles as a young man involved in going deeper, spiritually “warts” and all, and perhaps, we be reminded of the intricacies of the twists & turns, even the highs & lows, of our own spiritual journey. Indeed, there are likely hundreds of such written encounters out there, but I do believe because many of you readers share both Wendell’s childhood niches of geography and faith traditions, his written accounts may become especially meaningful as we reflect on our earlier personal struggles of “going deeper,” as many of us are now, or about to, be coming down our life’s ladders, preparing to enter our “count-down years.” And by now, you surely better be aware it is past time to be strategically prepared!

Second, I am sensing a profound disconnect in too many professing Christians, perhaps not fully practically believing that God loves them and wants them to experience the assuredness of peace and both the abundant and eternal life. As with I, this discontent has plagued their spiritual peace for decades with no definitive resolve. Yes, God did create us in His own image to have an abundant life. He did not make us robots to automatically love and obey Him, but rather, with a will and freedom of choice. Early on in our lives, we may have chosen to disobey and go our own willful way, never exiting the compelling fast & furious Interstate for His township gravel road (sometimes a mere footpath) in search of the Celestial City, such that even yet today, we are still living separated from God. Just imagine, being around the church all your life, and never been “grafted,” or adopted in, or ever seated at His table. “Ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father.” Rom. 8:15. 

Third, we may have in our desperation during key life events attempted to reach a Holy God to experience His peace and abundant life, so we chose for a time, to do good works, to live a morally exemplary life, to join a church, may even read our Bible and other Christian books about being a successful Christian, but we never really ever have faced the reality that God’s remedy is THE CROSS. Jesus Christ died on the Cross and rose from the grave, such that He paid the penalty for our sin thus bridging that impossible gap between a Holy God, and we, as sin ravaged men & women. NO BRIDGE REACHES A HOLY GOD EXCEPT ONE – HIS CROSS!

Therefore, EACH PERSON MUST MAKE THEIR OWN CHOICE…EITHER WE MUST TRUST JESUS CHRIST AS LORD & SAVIOR & RECEIVE HIM BY PERSONAL INVITATION, OR NOT! If our response is to claim His gift of salvation, the Cross of Christ is the link we as convicted sinful & rebellious people claim the Holy God’s gifts of peace, forgiveness, INCLUDING an abundant & eternal life! Do understand when we IGNORE HIS Call, we are refusing His invitational gift of our lifetime.

Folks, that’s the way I see it this morning, always speaking to myself, first & foremost! To be continued…

  “Look up and lift up your heads because your redemption draws near.” Luke 21:28

In 1949, the magazine Popular Science predicted “Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons.”

 In 1977, Ken Olson, founder of Digital Equipment Corporation, said, “There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.”

Bill Gates said in 1981, “640k ought to be big enough for anybody.”

Making predictions is a risky business – unless you are God. According to John Wesley White, the coming again of Christ and the end of the age occupies some 1845 scripture verses, and each one offers sure and certain hope for the Christians. Just consider these promises:

“For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a shout with the voice of an archangel and with the trumpets of God. And the dead of Christ will rise first.” (I Thessalonians 4:16).

“I will come again and receive you to myself that where I am, there you may be also.” (John 14:3).

“Behold, I am coming quickly!” (Revelation 22:7).

Vance Havner said, “We are not just looking for Something to happen. We are looking for Someone to come! And, when these things begin to come to pass, we are not to drop our heads in discouragement or shake our heads in despair, but rather lift up our heads & hands in pure delight.

BOTTOM LINE:

Quick Question! After your Sunday worship dismissal yesterday, did you observe heads dropping or shaking? Hopefully, it was heads & hands uplifted in pure delight! Another prediction & promise (that soon became a fact) with the computer age was “GIGO.” (garbage in – garbage out!) There are many passages of scripture (begin by reading Romans) to explain the undergirding factor for today’s prevalent lack of heads & hands lifted in pure delight, but I don’t know of any verses anywhere that are as succinct & spot-on for the church today as the 4 letters GIGO!

And what I find so ironic, it is this very digital media hype with its continual subconscious narratives promises & predictions when coupled with our innate yet un-surrendered desire for “SELFISH GAIN” that is making fools of too many of us in the kingdom! That’s the way I see it this morning, always speaking to myself, first & foremost!

Thanks to David Jeremiah for this devotional up to the addition of my Bottom Line, from his book Sanctuary: Finding Moments of Refuge in the Presence of God.