Author: Merlin Erb

It was a horrible day, one that directed and limited my life for many years after, and was the source of a lot of pain.

            I was in the 7^th or 8^th grade, and it was the day for oral book reports. I usually like that day, as I enjoyed hearing everyone and also sharing in front of the group myself. I liked public speaking. So, nothing new.

            But for some reason, this time, about a third of the way into it, I got flustered. I began stammering and stuttering, and it only got worse. I could not recover for some reason, and found it hard to go on. I just got further and further kind of unable to get the words out. Kinda paralyzed in front of the room.

            Then the teacher stood up and said, “Just sit down. This is terrible,” or something pretty close to that. She then went on to kind of berate me with things like “You will never be able to be a success in anything if you can’t do public speaking. And you can just forget ever being a lawyer [one of my possible career dreams at that time], because lawyers have to talk in front of people.”

            Needless to say, I was devastated. Ashamed and rejected, I just slithered to my seat and tried to disappear.

            From there, it went downhill as far as public speaking was concerned. I had no trouble with a few friends, like at a table or a few friends.. But any time the group got to be any size at all, I just literally could not speak. Not “wouldn’t,” but “couldn’t.” So, I didn’t.

            I went all through high school and college avoiding any kind of public speaking at all. I would always refuse it. Even asking questions in class became a real difficult thing to do and to hide my problem, I rarely even did that. In high school, my parents sent me to a counselor to cure the problem, but it did not help. And to make sure you understand, it was not just a fear. It was “I literally can’t do it.” Period. I couldn’t talk. In fact, it was so bad that I almost flunked 12^th grade English, because there was an oral book report requirement and I was ready to tell the teacher “Well, flunk me.” And I had been recruited to play college golf … ready to lose it all because my inability to go through with it. In graduate school, I pretty much continued to avoid any public speaking, other than in class for a question or a small discussion.

So, roll the clock forward to my mid to later twenties, I had been in practice for a few years and was building a lot of models of psychological and leadership growth and working with companies and organizations. As a result of all that activity, I was continually being asked to speak for the organizations, businesses, churches, and the like. And … I always refused. One hundred percent.

            When asked, I would just say, “No, that’s just not something I do.” And let it go. No way was I ever going to stand up in front of a group again. I went about my private clinical and consulting practice, and that was enough for me. Small meetings around a table were okay, but nothing larger.

            Then one day, I was at the gym and headed to the showers when this big  guy walked up to me. He was huge. (Actually, he had played NFL football for the LA Rams.) I was wondering what he wanted when he looked at me and asked, “Are you a Christian?”

            That seemed weird …a big guy in the gym showers walking up to me asking if I am a Christian.

            “Uh … yeah.” I answered.

            “Well, God just told me to tell you something,“ he said.

            My first thought was “Well, I am also a psychologist, and I can make those voices go away.” But I didn’t say that.” I just replied, “What?”

            “Yes, that’s right. Don’t worry, I am not a weirdo. I am a pastor. And God just clearly spoke to me about you,” he explained. He told me then he was pastor at the Newport Vineyard Church, a good place that I was familiar with. So I agreed to talk to him.

            We went next door to a restaurant and sat down, and this is what he said: “God said when you were a kid, something bad happened to you that has made you afraid to speak in front of people ever since. But He wants you to begin speaking for Him, and He is going to open some doors. You are to walk through them.”

            I was stunned. How in the ….? What? That was all I could muster. We talked some more before I left there and returned to my office. I just sat there literally in shock, amazed at how real and present God is all the time. And once again, how long I had suffered with that problem … and yet He had been there all along. Aware, loving me, but doing nothing about it.

            Until now.

            In high school, when I was struggling with it, I prayed a lot for God to help me, and He never did. But now, it seemed like He was stepping up. There was no way I could deny what just happened. That guy did not know me from Adam, nor what I did, nor anything about my problem or where it had come from.

            The next week or so, I got two calls to speak to public groups. (“He is going to open some doors for you to speak and you are to walk through them.”) The first one was a Presbyterian pastor gathering with about fifty pastors. That would have been far more than I would have formerly agreed to and been able to do. But this time, I literally felt like I had no choice. Zero chance that I was not going to do it, no matter how scared I was. God had entered my space and told me to do it … and I could not run and hide. I was afraid I’d get swallowed by a whale if I did. I was way more afraid of how real and alive He was than whatever could happen if I melted down while speaking.

            So, I asked a good friend of mine who prays for me, and also is a speech therapist, to come with me for support. She sat on the front row, and I stumbled my way through it. Barely. I don’t remember if they even liked it or not, but at least I’d gotten through the first test without passing out.

            From there on, it was more and more practice as more “doors” began to mysteriously appear, out of nowhere. I was petrified each and every time, but gradually, I got more and more comfortable. It took about a year or so to feel more comfortable. Then, I was offered a radio show and was suddenly talking to a lot of people. Before then, there would have been no way.

            That was decades ago … since then I have spoken thousands of times. And now, I actually enjoy it, and though I sometimes get a little helpful dose of “butterflies” before going up, I do not have any fear of going up. God has healed that, this time through showing up through a pastor in a gym shower and telling me to do it, so then a natural process psychologists call “desensitization” and “exposure” prevails. It is the gradual facing into what you fear, that the brain slowly learns the 7^th grade teacher is no longer there.

            In fact, as I write this, I just came back from speaking at a global leadership event that had hundreds of thousands of live attendees in arenas and auditoriums all over the world. And it was actually fun. As a psychologist, I believe the slow healing came through natural processes.

BOTTOM LINE:

There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that the impetus to get me into that process was supernatural. How else can you explain it? Who can begin to know where and how He is going to speak in your life, or anyone’s life? Are we not to pray openly, candidly, continually, submitting…

NEXT UP:

Tomorrow after tonight’s potential debating debacle, Billie Graham’s grandson will reappear with his well chosen words inspired by Mark Chapter Seven. Time for a break from the intensity of the Cloud! Loretta and I are at page 144 of 257 in Dr. Henry Cloud’s audible book “Why I Believe,” a book packed with such relevant impactful life stories confirming the wisdom he shares to guide and inspire our daily faith journey’s. Change your life and the lives of those in your pond’s ripples (circle of influence) by ordering several “Why I Believe” and loan them out. Less than $20 each at Amazon. I guarantee you’ll have your “loan to” list well started before you’ve read even half of the book.

Nearly every day I come across ideas and scriptures that are added to my file of dozens of ideas waiting in the wings for His anointing and development, such as the above! Blessings on your journey home. Read the signs. Listen to the compelling sounds! Stay the course. No excuses!

World-renowned psychologist and leadership expert Henry Cloud has impacted millions of lives through his groundbreaking books and his work coaching leaders of the most influential organizations in the world. But few people know the details of his own story and how he become one of the most beloved and respected psychologists and faith influencers in America.

In this indelibly personal and vulnerable book, Dr. Cloud leads us through his early struggles with illness and depression and the miracles that healed him and led him to his calling as a healer of others. Through masterful storytelling combined with a deeply nuanced understanding of the human mind, Dr. Cloud invites readers to inhabit the spaces of suffering and elation that make us most human and to walk alongside of him as he ponders the great questions we are so often afraid to ask, but which give our lives fulfilling meaning.  

Introduction

One night, as a ten-year-old at camp in North Carolina, I felt a pain and stirring in my soul that has never gone away. The night had been a regular camp night … with counselors and cabin mates at the big bonfire … doing camp-like things. One of them I do remember being a bit unusual … we ate a rattlesnake that some crazy counselor had killed, but other than that, just normal stuff, along with some kind of “devotional” time. It was a “lightly” Christian camp, but not an in-your-face overbearing type of religious camp. Mainly it was a sports and wildlife experience for four weeks of fun and some attempt by the counselors at spiritual and character development of who knows what kinds of kids had been sent there by parents wanting either a break or a better version of their kid. My parents probably hoped for both.

That week had been one of a difficult-to-explain heightening of my love for God. I had always had a strong consciousness of God from early childhood … I somehow knew He was there. He showed Himself to me ways I couldn’t really explain … I just knew when I felt His presence and that it was real. But this particular camp experience that week led me to a little mountainside chapel as I was out for a hike, where I had an experience that I remember as if it were yesterday. I was tromping around in the Blue Ridge Mountains of North Carolina and suddenly felt drawn into that little building. As I sat there in silence, I was overcome with a movement in my heart. I felt Him drawing me to Him … it was kind of overwhelming, in a good way. The love was so strong that I felt for Him. As I sat there, I told Him that I would do whatever He wanted me to do with my life. I had been moved by an Invisible Force that I knew was real and loving. I was sure of that.

Which brought me to that night … I had it before, the “gospel” message that was conveyed, that God loved all of us and Jesus had died to pay the penalty for everything we had ever done wrong, securing forgiveness for any of us for all time. I had believed it before as a child but probably didn’t understand it as well as I did that night. For some reason, this time it pierced more deeply.

I don’t remember all of the details of the message, but I vividly remember the gist. The counselor said that the gospel was a simple message that was like this: Think of if you committed a crime, and went to court, and were found guilty by the judge. You are standing in front of the bench, and he pronounces the verdict: guilty as charged. And then he pronounces the penalty, the fine. You know that you cannot pay it or endure it, but it stands as true and real. You are guilty and you are convicted. You must pay the fine. And you also realize that you cannot afford the price.

Then right at that moment, the judge says, “I will come down from the bench and stand in your place and pay the fine for you if you want me to. You may go free if you accept my offer.” The counselor then said, “That is what Jesus did for us. He paid our fine, and if we accept His payment, his death on the cross for us, we can go free and be pronounced ‘not guilty.”’ We can be forever forgiven by God for everything we have ever done, or ever will do. It has been paid for, if we accept it.

Somehow the simplicity of that moved me in a different way than it ever before. I realized that the love that I had felt from God was from a loving Father, not mad at me for being “bad,” and not ready to zap me for any mistake. It came together in a much deeper way.

So, with all that good news, why the pain that night?

I felt the pain of knowing that my best friend did not know God … did not know that there was Someone who loved him this much and that he would have a relationship with … and I wanted him to know it, too. But I felt squeamish about how to tell him. After all, we were more concerned with being cool and tough and winning games and trophies than being one of those weird religious types. So, I had never talked to him about it. And that night, I cried with my counselor in front of the fireplace back in at the lodge. I needed to know how to get out of this dilemma … the dilemma of carrying around such an incredible Reality that I knew he would want to know, and at the same time being too afraid to talk about it.

Well, since that time, a lot has happened. A lot. And I have seen way, way more of how real God is, and what He can do. And this book is my attempt to put my journey with God into words … for one purpose: I want my friends to know that God is real. And although I have discussed God with many of my friends since that time, I want to write it all down for them and others I have not talked to, in one place: “You might think I’m crazy, but this is why I believe, and why I want you to have a relationship with Him, too.” And before you read on, I can pretty much guarantee that you will find some of it to sound very crazy. But it is all true.

There are a lot of obstacles to faith. I had them myself after I decided to get more serious about my faith later in life, so I it is easy to for me to understand when others have those questions. I had to struggle with finding answers that satisfied me, because I could not be a believer and put my brain in a lockbox in order to do that. So, the first purpose of this book is to share with you my story of God’s reality in my life, and the second is to share how those hard questions were resolved in my own soul and brain. I want to share the answers I found that put it all to rest.

Life has so many dilemmas that make it so hard to believe in a good God at times, and the people who sell the God message can sometimes be so weird and crazy and obnoxious that we just feel like “If this faith were true, then all of that crap would not exist that surrounds it, and Christians would not be so undesirable and such a turn-off.” As I used to think when I was kid, “I like God; I just don’t like His friends.”

Of course, not all Christians are “that kind.” So, many are awesome people who do truly incredible things. They give of their time, talents, and resources to make the world a much better place, alleviating poverty, suffering, and much more. And they are people of stellar character. I know this to be true over and over, all around the world. But as I talk to people who do not share my faith, the experiences that they have had with some believers are often a big part of the obstacle to God. But the fascinating thing I have found is this: the religious people that you and I both struggle with and can’t stand are the same ones Jesus didn’t get along with, either. I will show you what He actually says about certain types of judgmental, narrow-minded, narcissistic, and controlling religious types. I will hopefully help you discover something I learned …that “they” are not what He or the faith is about at all, and those people often do exactly the opposite of what He told us to do, even doing those things “in His name.”

More about that later.

So, come along with me as I share my experience, my questions, and the answers that I have found that have satisfied my doubts. One disclaimer: I do not mean that my answers are even the best ones out there; they are only my heartfelt attempt to tell my own story about how they got answered for me. They come from many areas of science, and other fields, and as I studied those disciplines, I discovered something. There are brilliant people on both sides of faith and non-faith, and it told me that intelligence, IQ, science, philosophy or any other discipline is not standing in the way of whether or not someone believes. But for someone who does believe, the science supports faith, and as I will share with you, many of the most brilliant physicists, biologists, astronomers, and others who attest to that.

So, let’s hop in. First my journey to faith and its experiences, and then how some tough questions got answered.

NEXT UP:

Not at all sure. Loretta gave me this book for Father’s Day and we in a few minutes will begin chapter six on Audible as we walk our dogs on the exquisite Gerber Homestead Trail 1.25 mile twice daily trek. Both the trail and the book are an absolute delight. We are blessed!

“By Him let us continually offer the sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of our lips, giving thanks to His name” (Hebrews 13:15).

In the month that lies before you, you’ll have countless opportunities for sacrifice. Think of that person at work whom you struggle to love. What if you visualize yourself placing that relationship upon the altar as an offering of praise to God?

Your marriage needs to be offered up as a sacrifice every day. So does the way you spend your free time. If you begin to make a list of the things you could offer up in sacrifice, you might never stop writing. The truth, you see, is that when your life becomes a temple, a home for Jesus, you begin to see His face in the face of all those who surround you. You begin to treat them as you would treat Him. You begin to realize that all ground is holy ground, because God is there. You begin to see every situation as a potential act of worship, a time to magnify the name of the Lord.

Earlier this week I sat supposedly to read in the fast-food break area at Cosco’s over noontime while Loretta was shopping. Soon, most of the seats were taken. I then became preoccupied with which gentleman or couple might allow me to join them so my 4 seats would be open for others, but then the rush was over and empty seats prevailed.

But not before I found people watching much more captivating than even a favorite book. I was reminded of Jesus in Matthew 23:37 when he said while looking over Jerusalem, “How I wish I could gather your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings.” The exiting shoppers possessed a variety of facial expressions, demeanor, health challenges, language, actions, quite revealing interactions with presumably their spouse, or children, etc., all of which provided an abundance of character clues possibly to be developed into imaginary captivating short stories; all from a 20-30 second quick study on this holy ground, as they exited the fastest check-out counters I’ve ever witnessed.

Notice though, I didn’t mention any spiritual evaluations. But actually, don’t we Christ-Followers, actually begin with that first? For me at least, compared to ten years ago, today “the image of Jesus weeping over Jerusalem and the mother hen and her chicks,” is now front & center, especially when I’m out in public, sometimes even in church. But please don’t take that personal, for as you should realize by now, I have a vivid memory of past events, though not always of last week.  And though I struggle now just remembering names, make no mistake, 46 years ago while I was sitting in the east balcony contemplating my miserable lack of joy and peace while listening to Pastor Bill invite all of us home under God’s protective and empowering “abiding,” make no mistake, my SHELTER was SCARCE in a congregation of abundance! Ask me about my journey if you’re curious; I’ve got nothing to hide. After all, it is His-Story.

Again, please consider this Solitude-Service-Struggle cause or effect situation to gain Shelter during the coming chaos. And then ultimately, the ONE that encapsulates them all: SACRIFICE. Worship in the midst of these six S words! And when that happens, be prepared to throw open the doors of your life, sharing your overflowing well of joy and peace.

BOTTOM LINE:

The world is waiting to see the person you will become when you live every moment in the wonder of worship!

Prompted from David Jeremiah’s 2002 devotional Sanctuary: Finding Moments of Refuge in the Presence of God June 20.

Surely now, you know Satan Is Doomed? Right?

II Corinthians 10:4 “The weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in in God for pulling down strongholds.”

We know the ultimate victory has been won at Calvary, but it will be implemented in the future. The sentence has been passed, now it needs to be enforced. The enforcement is in the hands of the church. And the tool that enforces Satan’s defeat is the tool of prayer. “For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ” (II Corinthians 10:4-5). One person praying on earth can move angels in heaven.

Christians need to learn the power of prayer against Satan, for he will be defeated in his work. We are not engaged in the warfare if we are not praying against Satan. The judgement that was effected at the cross and is enforced through prayer will be completed. Satan is doomed. Satan is on a leash and he is only free on earth to the length of his chain. He cannot go beyond God’s permission.

Bottom Line:

But if we don’t enforce his judgement in our own lives, we will be victims instead of victors.

David Jeremiah’s devotional Sanctuary: Finding Moments of Refuge in the Presence of God. 2002. June 18th reading

My two cents:

Let’s begin by reading verses 4-5 from the Message: The tools of our trade aren’t for marketing or manipulation, but they are for demolishing that entire massive corrupt culture. We use powerful God-tools for smashing warped philosophies, tearing down barriers erected against the truth of God, fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ.

I personally am convinced tonight while reflecting on this reading that I have lazily lived in the darker corners of his Spirits empowerment of prayer paralyzing me from smashing our cultures warped philosophies and bringing every such thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ… Yes, I was aware this sentence has been passed, but I didn’t naively realize it needs to be enforced for me, in effect, in & thru my personal prayer life. That assuredly, is a quantum leap for my simple understanding, but perhaps, it’s related to “working out our salvation with fear & trembling” (Phil 2:12).  

I’m thinking the word “enforced” in the past two decades has become quite distasteful both in our culture and even the church, especially as it relates to the expansive cultural arenas characterized by “good being now evil, and evil now being good,” largely effectively silencing truth being espoused, while providing a platform and megaphone for the opposition.

So, when David Jeremiah here states above in his first paragraph, that “The enforcement is in the hands of the church and that the tool that enforces Satan’s defeat is the tool of prayer,” capped off none the less by my grievously ignoring the Spirit’s empowerment to live in a continual prayerful state, I’m first of all, really concerned about the “state of our (actually His) union,” and secondly, greatly motivated to ascertain His clarity. All of which doesn’t quite neatly line up with our default desired signature greeting at heaven’s threshold “well done, good and faithful servant,” (Matt 25:23) as he states in his final sentence, “if we don’t enforce his judgement in our own lives, we will be victims instead of victors.”

May that image of victim-hood be destroyed in the hearts and minds of Christ Followers! Books, I’m sure, have written on these verses, if you’re still thirsty. Seek and ye shall find…. Jeremiah just wants us equipped to fly above and beyond this oppressive ground fog and its darkness…Blessings today as you seek clarity and get cleared for take-off….merlin