The following is our final look at Chris Hedge’s book “The Daniel Dilemma: How to Stand Firm & Love Well in a Culture of Compromise” beginning Pg. 240.
“Once the spiritual groundwork has been laid, we can work on being Christ’s ambassadors in the world around us. As I promised you earlier, there are no set scripts, shortcuts, or easy answers here. It takes time to lay the spiritual groundwork and to invest in relationships. There’s no magic formula.
However, I do have suggestions. Below are five approaches or attitudes of response you can incorporate as you engage with the people God has given you to influence. Because I am frequently asked how I handle certain situations, I’m including a very basic conversational response, based on my past experience, for you to use mostly as a prompt to get started on each of the five. Again, you don’t need to memorize these or say them verbatim when talking to someone about cultural challenges. Just keep it real, and let God’s Holy Spirit give you wisdom and discernment about how to respond and what to say.
1. Keep your standards high and your grace deep.
For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. For it is written: “I will destroy the wisdom of the wise; the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate.” Where is the wise person? Where is the teacher of the law? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? (1 Cor. 1: 18–20)
The apostle Paul wrote this letter to the church in Corinth to deal with how culture was affecting their church. He encouraged the followers of Jesus there to keep the standards high but in a grace-filled way. He pointed out that those who think they are smarter than God will at some point discover their own limits and end up frustrated. To illustrate this, Paul asked several rhetorical questions: “Where’s the smarty pants who thinks they know so much? Where’s the wise guy or the know-it-all? Where’s the ‘enlightened expert’ of the times? Hasn’t God shown you all how silly your views are compared to his?”
Obviously, this is my paraphrase, but I think you get the point of what Paul was saying. He concluded, “For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength” (1 Cor. 1: 25).
Throughout the rest of his letter, which we know as 1 Corinthians, Paul confronted culture and culture’s norms but managed to do so with grace. He clearly took a strong stand against sinful behavior and immoral standards and practices, but the way he did it displays compassion and not condemnation, heartfelt concern and not self-righteous indignation.
Similarly, we need to think less about who we might offend and, with grace and truth, take a stand for God’s Word. I suspect many of us don’t like dealing with this culture clash between the world’s ways and God’s ways. We often want the world to like us more than we want to stand strong for God’s ways. The reality is that the world is going to think God’s ways and standards are foolish. They are going to want us to change (may even soon demand we to do change..mle) what we believe.
So here’s the real question: What are we going to do when we face this dilemma? What’s our response going to be when confronted with a clash between the culture around us and the God we love and want to serve?
We should do as Jesus did and keep the standards high and the grace deep.
Everyone in Jesus’ day knew the Ten Commandments and that adultery was wrong, but then Jesus came along and said, “If you’ve ever even looked at another person and lusted, you’ve committed adultery in your heart” (Matt. 5: 28, my paraphrase). In one sentence, Jesus made an adulterer of almost everyone in the audience! Jesus didn’t lower the standard. He pointed toward a higher standard, and then he refused to condemn those who fell short of it.
In other words, he didn’t cave to the cultural pressure so that he could be liked and accepted. Jesus didn’t say what people wanted to hear or what would make them feel good. He pointed to a higher standard and then provided a way out for those who would repent. See the difference? The standard got higher, but the grace got deeper.
This is how we should engage the culture and its standards. Let’s stick to God’s way and God’s Word. If the Bible calls it sin, then it’s sin—period. Let’s not give into the pressure to change because the world thinks it’s foolish. God’s ways will always be foolish to the world. Instead, let’s point to a higher standard but extend the deep, abundant grace that we all need.
When faced with a discussion about any moral issue, I often say something like this:
We all fall short of God’s standards—you, me, everybody. But let’s not change his truth to fit what we want. Let’s ask God to change us to fit what he wants. That’s why he’s God and we’re his creation. He knows what’s best for us and loves us enough to tell us those boundaries. Moral standards aren’t man made; they’re God-given.
2. Accept people without approving of their behavior.
“But Daniel resolved not to defile himself with the royal food and wine, and he asked the chief official for permission not to defile himself this way” (Dan. 1: 8).
Jesus confronted the culture around him all the time. Remember the scene found in John 8, where a woman was caught in adultery by the religious leaders and Pharisees? They brought her before Jesus, who had been teaching in the temple courts, in hopes of tripping him up. They reminded Jesus that the law under Moses required that anyone caught in adultery be stoned. These leaders plotting against Jesus hoped that he would either refute the law of Moses or else indirectly endorse killing the woman standing before them in the midst of a large crowd.
Jesus didn’t fall for it, however. We’re told that Jesus began writing something in the dusty ground with his finger. When the religious leaders kept goading him, Jesus said, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her” (John 8:7). Then he started writing in the dust again as the Pharisees and other religious leaders walked away.
While we’re not told what Jesus wrote, it wouldn’t surprise me if it was a list of specific sins each of the religious leaders had committed. Maybe it was something else, but whatever it was, the message was clear. When Jesus asked who was left to accuse her, the woman told him none remained. He replied, “Then neither do I condemn you. . . . Go now and leave your life of sin” (John 8: 11).
Jesus masterfully accepted and respected her without approving of her behavior. He showed compassion rather than join in with her accusers. He gave her a hopeful doorway out of her sinful life. There’s no better model for how we engage those around us who are participating in behaviors God identifies as sinful.
When faced with someone I know and care about who is living in direct contrast to the ways of God, I usually try to express something like this:
God loves us just the way we are, but too much to let us stay that way. He doesn’t condemn us, but he does want to change us. I think it’s similar to how I feel about my children. I try to love each one uniquely and unconditionally. But I still want them to do what’s truly best for them – not just whatever they feel like doing.
3. Never let the tone get contentious.
“When Arioch, the commander of the king’s guard, had gone out to put to death the wise men of Babylon, Daniel spoke to him with wisdom and tact” (Dan. 2:14).
The irony of this approach is that our culture loves to encourage and exploit contentiousness. For many people, businesses, and organizations, any time spent in the spotlight of public attention—no matter how controversial the catalyst—is valuable. Social media and our Internet-driven culture reinforce the belief that everyone’s opinions, on all topics and at all times, not only matter but must be shared. And as we’ve all learned by now, plenty of mean-spirited critics and “haters” thrive online just by ranting and raving.
Perhaps it’s even worse when a personal conversation becomes contentious, with each party suddenly becoming defensive or even angry and antagonistic. However, the moment that dynamic surfaces, the opportunity for any real communication has pretty much disappeared. Whenever a friendly, respectful discussion becomes a political debate, power struggle, or theological boxing match, it feels like a personal attack.
Everyone quits listening at that point and either runs for cover, retreating and withdrawing, or prepares to fight, looking for points of attack. The examples set by Daniel and Jesus are clear, not to mention numerous others including Paul and James: our words matter because they reveal our hearts. Here’s what Jesus himself had to say about the power of our words to reveal what’s inside us:
For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him. But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned. (Matt. 12: 34–37)
The moment you make engaging with other people about “being right,” you need to stop and check your heart. You may need to apologize, share what you’re feeling, or leave and try again another day. But arguing with someone, let alone condemning them and their behavior as sinful, has never won a single person to the Lord. Even if they don’t show it or you can’t see it, most people already feel the weight of their secrets, their sins, and their struggles. They don’t need someone pressing down and adding to that weight. They need hope. They need someone who says, “I know what that feels like, but now I know the freedom of being forgiven.”
If you struggle with letting your emotions get out of hand when relating to nonbelievers, then the best remedy I know is spending time with God. His heart always replenishes our experience of grace. When we encounter his mercy, love, and forgiveness, it’s hard not to pass it on to those around us.
Whenever I find myself in a cultural conversation that heats up, I usually try to change the tone of our discussion by saying:
Hey, I can tell we’re both passionate about our beliefs. But I don’t want to argue about this. I’d rather have a relationship with you than win an argument. We can come back to this another time—tell me about . . . [your pet, your kids, your job, whatever will change the topic and build a relational bridge].”
4. Lead them to truth by identifying with their struggle.
“And you must show mercy to those whose faith is wavering. Rescue others by snatching them from the flames of judgment. Show mercy to still others, but do so with great caution, hating the sins that contaminate their lives” (Jude v. 22–23 NLT).
We should never shame or condemn people for their feelings—including same-sex attraction or desires to do immoral things. Why? Because we all have feelings, and just because we feel a certain way doesn’t mean we have to act on those feelings.
I have my own set of desires outside of God’s standard. In fact, I’m aware of it every time I read Scripture. As I have said, I’m not predisposed to monogamy. If a beautiful woman walks by, my flesh wants to lust. When this happens, I don’t just accept my lustful feelings; instead, I identify them as wrong, repent, and thank God for his grace and ask him to do a work inside of me. And we do the same thing for anyone who is struggling with anything. We embrace them as long as they desire repentance.
If they don’t desire repentance and want you to approve of their sin, then, obviously, that’s something you cannot do. However, withholding your approval does not mean condemning them. Too often, our culture likes to go to extremes—either we’re in full agreement or else we’re totally opposed. This kind of attitude makes it even more difficult for us as Christians to accept others without approving of their sinful standards or behaviors.
One way to live within this tension, however, is by identifying with their struggle. Other people are turned off when we come across—even unintentionally—as better than them, self-righteous, or legalistic. Nothing turns me off like a smug attitude, no matter the situation. When we display humility, authenticity, honesty, or even humor when appropriate, we relate to others as human beings, person to person, and eventually, heart to heart.
Once that heart connection takes place, you’ll find people are much more willing to hear the truth. When they know you and trust you and see that you’re for real, then they want to have what you have. They want to know Jesus.
When people defend their actions based on their feelings, I try to identify with the struggle our feelings can cause:
“You know, I struggle too. My feelings sometimes get in the way of the kind of person I want to be, the kind of person God wants me to be. I often desire things outside of God’s will for my life. While I’ve learned we can’t always change our feelings, we can evaluate them, see where they’re leading us, and ask God to change us.”
5. Paint the picture of what it looks like to come home.
“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him” (Luke 15: 20).
No matter what someone has done or not done, it’s never too late for God to forgive them and to transform their lives. Our job is to make sure they know this, to paint an accurate and vivid picture of what it’s like to come home to the Lord. There are numerous ways to do this, especially once you know a person and have developed a level of trust or a heart connection with them.
Look for opportunities to build bridges and care for people every chance you get. This is the example we see throughout Jesus’ life. When he saw someone’s need, he met it—and then he addressed the greater spiritual need. Let those around you know you’re always willing and available to listen, to talk, even to pray with them. You’d be surprised how many non-Christians will ask me to pray with them. The goal is to always show a welcoming spirit of kindness, generosity, and graciousness. Leave the porch light on for them. This gives them a strong sense of the safe place that stems from coming home to God.
Look for opportunities to build bridges and care for people every chance you get.
When people reject God’s way, sometimes the best thing to do is wait and let them realize for themselves that going their own way doesn’t work. When they choose their own direction, I usually say something like:
If you ever change your mind—if you ever decide that your way isn’t working— if you ever find yourself in a miserable place and want to come home, I want to be the first person you call. I’m always willing to listen and help however I can.
Be the Daniel of Your Day
Let me honest with you. If you’re willing to adopt these five approaches, you will still struggle at times with what to say or how to respond to those around you. You might still have a hard time not letting your emotions erupt when confronted with culture’s sinful standards. You may even find yourself more aware of and sensitively attuned to the clash between God’s ways and the ways of the world. But the key is not to give up.
As we saw time and time again, Daniel stood his ground – even risking his life – to oppose the cultural pressure surrounding him. He didn’t argue, defend, explain, or debate. He simply made his boundaries clear with direct, respectful communication. As a result, Daniel shone like a beacon of God’s truth for seventy years, valued and esteemed by four different Babylonian regimes.
When culture shifts – and we know it always will – we believers should get excited. Because in the midst of these chaotic unsettling times, we live (and function) on solid ground. In Christ we possess the hope the world needs. And like the prophet Daniel, we are catalysts for redemptive change, people of influence who know our goal is not to be right, but to be effective. People who are willing to stand when it’s easier to bow under the weight of culture. People whose light shines brighter in the darkness of a sinful culture.
The world is waiting to see what you’ll do with what you’ve been given. Let them always see Christ in you. Let all that you do be done in love. Have we learned to love?”
Again, this is really good stuff and so pertinent for resourcing believers in the battle right now!! Contact me and I will email you the documents for distribution. Continued Blessings As You Go Forth>>>> merlin