While preparing for an interactive participatory presentation of the thirty truths Matthew Kelly sets forth so succinctly in his book “The Seven Levels Of Intimacy,” I was stirred to share this truth of the effect of Discipline on Love, and especially so, for those of us in the relationship of marriage. Recent events and conversations of depth, or not, compel me to share these words directly from Matthew. This book is a must in everyone’s “arsenal for successful living,” otherwise normally referred to as a library. Enjoy.
“Discipline awakens us from the hedonistic stupor of modern popular culture and refines every aspect of the human person. Discipline doesn’t enslave or stifle us; rather, it sets us free to soar to unimagined heights. Discipline sharpens the human senses allowing us to savor the subtle tastes of life‘s experiences. Discipline heightens every human experience and increases every human ability.
One of the great challenges of the art of living is to learn to discipline ourselves, but at this moment in history, gratification seems to be the master of most people’s hearts, minds, bodies, and souls. We find ourselves enslaved and imprisoned by a thousand different whims, cravings, addictions, and attachments. We have subscribed to the adolescent notion that freedom is the ability to do whatever you want, wherever you want, whenever you want, without interference from any authority. Could the insanity of our modern philosophy be any more apparent?
Freedom is not the ability to do whatever you want. Freedom is the strength of character to do what is good, true, noble, and right. Freedom is the ability to choose and celebrate the-best-version-of-yourself in every moment. Freedom without discipline is impossible.
Freedom is not the core of the human experience we call life. No. Love is the essence of life. Love is life‘s greatest joy and her greatest lesson. Love is the one task worthy of life. We busy ourselves with so many things, while the one great task we set aside, ignore, neglect. Love is your task – to love yourself by striving to become the best version of yourself, to love others by encouraging them and assisting them in their quest to become the best versions of themselves, and to love God by becoming all you were created to be.
But in order to love, you must be free, for to love is to give your self to someone or something freely, completely, unconditionally, and without reservation. It is as if you could take the essence of your very self in your hands and give it to another person. Yet to give yourself – to another person, to an endeavor, or to God – you must first possess yourself. This possession of self is freedom. It is a prerequisite for love, and attained only through discipline.
This is why so very few relationships thrive in our time. The very nature of love requires self-possession. Without self-mastery, self-control, self-dominion, we are incapable of love. We want to love, but without self-possession we are simply unable to do so. We are not free. We do not possess ourselves and so we cannot give ourselves. And as a result, we preoccupy ourselves with all the externals of relationships and call those love.
The problem is that we don’t want discipline. We want someone to tell us that we can be happy without discipline. But we can’t. In fact, if you want to measure the level of happiness in your life, measure the level of discipline in your life. The two are directly related.
To love we must be free, and yet too often, we are slaves. Love is a promise, but a slave is in no position to promise anything to anyone. Never believe a promise from a man or woman who has no discipline. They have broken a thousand promises to themselves, and they will break their promise for you. Discipline is evidence of freedom, and freedom is a prerequisite of love.”
Well said Matthew! Thanks for the truthful encouragement. Blessings as you GO FORTH TODAY CONSIDERING YOUR LIFE’S LEVEL OF HAPPINESS…. SATISFIED?. >>>> merlin