Each interaction gives us a chance to shine THE LIGHT on what’s right – and fill a bucket.
A friend of ours recently discovered the power of focusing on what is right. Unhappy in her marriage, she had been after her husband for weeks to make changes. He didn’t seem interested in spending much time with her, and when she complained, he got defensive. So, she drew even more attention to the things that upset her hoping he would notice. Instead, she found that things seemed to get worse.
Realizing that telling her husband how much he disappointed her wasn’t working, she tried an experiment. She began to draw attention to the things he did well and what she liked about him. She was skeptical but she had nothing to lose. What do you think happened after several days? Her husband was happier when he came home and more engaged in the relationship. Eventually his attentiveness and warmth began to fill her bucket – just as her positive outlook toward him had filled his.
But the most unexpected thing was that she felt happier, on her own, by focusing on the positive rather than dwelling on the negative. And this, in turn, caused her to be much more positive in her interactions with other people. After a few weeks, both she and her husband were passing this new found energy along to friends and coworkers.
Never underestimate the long-term influence of filling others buckets. Dr. Barbara Frederickson said that positive emotions create “chains of interpersonal events,” the far-reaching results of which you may or may not get to see in person. But they are there and happening.
Every time you fill a bucket, you’re setting something in motion.
Consider this: If you fill two buckets a day, and the owners of those two buckets go on to fill two new buckets, more than a thousand buckets will have been filled at the end of 10 days. If each of those same people fill five buckets instead of two, more than 19 million buckets would be filled in just ten days.
So, continue the chain: When someone fills your bucket, accept it – never just brush it off and diminish what the person is doing. Fill their bucket by saying “thank you,” letting them know that you appreciate the compliment or recognition. In turn, you are more likely to share your renewed positive energy with others. Anyone else catching the drift positive bucket dipping could be the scaffolding for invitational Kingdom bridge-building, once we accept His Foundation?
ARE YOU GETTING THE JOB DONE “DIPPER” QUESTIONS?
- I have helped someone in the last 24 hours.
- I am exceptionally courteous person.
- I like being around positive people.
- I have phrased someone in the last 24 hours.
- I have developed a knack for making other people feel good.
- I am more productive when I am around positive people.
- In the last 24 hours I have told someone that I care about her or him.
- I make it a point to become acquainted with people wherever I go.
- When I receive recognition, it makes me want to give recognition to someone else.
- In the last week I have listened to someone talked through his or her goals and ambitions.
- I make unhappy people laugh.
- I make it a point to call each of my associates by name by the name she or he likes to be called.
- I noticed what my colleagues do at a level of excellence.
- I always smile at people I meet.
- I feel good about giving praise whenever I see good behavior.
NEXT UP: Strategy Three: Make Best Friends