Five Strategies for Increasing Positive Emotions
First though, we best review The Theory of the Dipper & the Bucket
Imagine each of us has an invisible bucket. It is constantly emptied or filled, depending on what others say or do to us. When our bucket is full, we feel great. When it’s empty, we feel awful.
Each of us also has an invisible dipper. When we use that dipper to fill other people’s buckets – by saying or doing things to increase their positive emotions – we also fill our own bucket. But when we use that dipper to dip from other’s buckets – by saying or doing things that decrease their positive emotions – we diminish ourselves.
Like the cup that runneth over, a full bucket gives us a positive outlook and renewed energy. Every drop in that bucket makes us stronger and more optimistic.
But an empty bucket poisons our outlook, saps our energy and undermines our will. That’s why every time someone dips from our bucket, it hurts us.
So, we face a choice every moment of every day: We can fill one another’s buckets, or we can dip from them. It’s an important choice – one that profoundly influences our relationships, productivity, health, and happiness. The End.
Just as we have to start eliminating debt before we can truly save, we must start to eliminate bucket drip dipping before we can truly begin to fill buckets. (Isn’t that a most true-to-life analogy?)
After hearing the Theory of the Dipper and the Bucket, one man we know decided to put it to the test. He was looking for a way to eliminate his own dipping from others buckets. So, he developed a simple habit of asking himself if he was adding or taking away from the other person’s bucket in each interaction. He told us it was a difficult habit to get into at first, but after some time, he realized it was working. By catching himself before he uttered a negative comment – and in some cases making a more positive one instead – he started making himself, and the people around him, feel better.
For the next few days, try to catch yourself in the act of bucket dipping – then stop it. Consider your most recent interactions. Have you poked fun at someone? Touched on an insecurity? Blatantly pointed out something that that person does wrong? If so, try and push the “pause” button in your head next time.
Once you’ve successfully curtailed your own bucket-dipping, encourage similar changes amongst those around you. Are people in your work group or school chronically criticizing or mocking others? Do you ever notice them teaming up and “group-dipping” from someone’s bucket? The next time you see bucket dipping in progress, do something about it. Convince others that unwarranted negativity only makes matters worse.
The reality is that some persistently negative or hurtful people simply won’t change, despite your best efforts. They’ve got long-handled dippers, and they intend to use them. If serving as an example won’t help, then steer clear of these kinds of people as much as possible – for your own well-being and emotional health.
Once you’ve consciously started to eliminate bucket-dipping, keep track of your progress by scoring your interactions. That’s right: Reflect on your last few exchanges with another person. Decide if, overall, each interaction was more positive or negative. Score each one as either a plus or a negative in your head. Write them down if you need to. We’ve provided a worksheet on our website at www.bucketbook.com to help. Were the majority of these those interactions positive or negative? I just learned from Support I must purchase an anniversary copy of the book in order to access such services. Buying used books without the code from Thriftbooks does not cut the mustard! Were the majority of these those interactions positive or negative?
Now, as you consider what it would take to fill the buckets of your friends, family, coworkers, and others, ask yourself: “What would it take for me to reach that ‘magic ratio’ of five positive interactions for every one negative interaction that I read about in Chapter Three?”
NEXT UP: Strategy Two: Shine a Light on What is Right.