Good morning on this third day of June 2019. It has been a phenomenal week with doors opening, new venues, and numerous possibilities. But I did learn of one shocking revelation, the type that initially strikes mild terror in ones heart, but then, after reflecting on who really is in charge, peace was soon restored. I have heard truth and justice always prevails, but sometimes I sure do wish they would prevail a bit faster!
I was reminded today of this perspective in my reading of these verses from Romans 5: 1-5. “Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through Him we have also gained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only that but rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
May these words under gird this post and invigorate your faith walk today.
God is increasingly exposing me to other people’s pain and their life’s dis-satisfactions, and now as I’m about to begin living as a life coach, I guess I had best understand that only by guiding people into self-discovery of their life’s fulfillment, can I ever expect to be paid for any of my services. The benefit of using coaching questions rather than advising or telling in a mentor or consultant role is very simple.
Questions hold the power to cause us to think, create answers we believe in, and motivate us to act on our ideas. Asking moves us beyond passive acceptance of what others say, or staying stuck in present circumstances, to aggressively applying our creative ability to the problem.
Coaching starts with the assumption that the key to change is not so much knowing what to do, rather, it is being motivated to do it. Research shows ( and experience confirms ) that people are more motivated to carry out their own ideas and solutions. Asking creates buy-in, and buy-in gets results. Tony Stoltzfus in his books on leadership coaching whom I refer to frequently, estimates 80% of his clients already know what to do; they just don’t have the confidence to step out and do it. Self-confidence is a huge factor in change.
The discipline of coaching uses relational influence to empower clients to take responsibility for their goal achievement. Or more succinctly, coaching is client centered, relationship based, and goal-driven. Coaching builds on that foundation by examining the four skill areas in the coaching conversation: listening, asking, acting, and supporting.
For all you other fellow Christian coaches in residence, I presume the Holy Spirit exposes you to other people’s challenges and dis-satisfactions much like me; always in his divine timing, though we may never consider such interventions always necessary or beneficial for us. Today individualism is rampant in western cultures and in the church as well, and frequently in conflict with kingdom living as set forth in the Sermon on the Mount from Matthew chapters 5-7. Although historically significant in the early church, today the Sermon on the Mount is experiencing diminished value. It is rarely taught, seldom caught and hardly ever, visible in action.
In Mark 1:17 we read Jesus invited Simon and Andrew to “follow me and I’ll make you fishers of men.” Perhaps that invitation by Jesus serves as the first example of Jesus implementing a universal call to life coaching thereby commissioning all of us to consider coaching on some level in life, at least if we take his “fishing” and“kingdom living” invitations seriously. Has the church now relegated “making you fishers of men” to merely adding converts: “making a decision for Christ,” be baptized, join a church, do your share, pay your share, etc.? And increasingly, we see being baptized and joining a church less emphasized favoring even greater individualism. Is this a natural outcome of the social club gospel? Where is the transformation, the empowerment, the joy, the happiness, the hope, the fulfillment for us in all that?
And so as we“on deck coaches” await our assignments, the majority of this observed pain in other people’s challenges and dis-satisfactions, appear much like an open Windows screen that is always in the background on your Desktop and only rarely do you accidentally click on it…. and instantly your memory is refreshed of all those past “Patterns of Defeat” as Kelly calls them, that squander now not only your time, but even more devastating, suck down the energy level of your mind instantly …. compared to your physical stamina which is usually good for hours… unless of course, it’s drawn down too in similar fashion by the Windows memory refresh.
So how does this work for real? Imagine just seconds prior to physical competition such as in a track or swimming event, this devastating negative instant replay of a past failure appears, that causes your mind again to become a major obstacle and you are powerless, you lose your edge, your focus, and too often, you do not even place in the competition. For some of you, these “Windows of pain” are all about you; for others, you may identify through the relationship of spouse, family, business, work, church or mere acquaintances.
By now we all recognize we are indeed a piece of work needing God’s restorative touch in order to become the best-possible-version-of-ourselves as coined by Matthew Kelly in many of his books. And I realize even though I am very much a novice in this coaching field yet, I have been in training all my married life as I am now beginning to piece together the processes that occurred within me as Loretta and others attempted to guide me to gain and implement spiritual truths in my search and rescue. Or rather than, as gain and implement, you might be more accurate to say learned and obeyed. I am now quite convinced had I been lovingly confronted and coached or discipled (actually I needed considerable discipline early on) into real learning as I have been in recent months, I could have accomplished in merely years what took decades, judging now by my growth since September 18, 2018. God desires us to mature in his wisdom,to be fully discipled or coached in truth, and then in return, to disciple or coach others for kingdom living.
Because of my slow spiritual maturation, I now understand just how easy it is to become so deceived and sidetracked. Early on even in high school and perfected during my college years and early adulthood, I became this church organization person in love with church trivia; genealogies, leadership, program, name dropping, a classic modern day Pharisee indeed! All the despicable stuff I see now as I look in my rear view mirror. May God forgive me!
I say all that to say this. Kelly in his book “Perfectly Yourself: Discovering God’s Dream For You” has a quote from Benjamin Barber that echoes deeply within me: “I divide the world into learners and non-learners. There are people who learn, who are open to what happens around them, who listen, and who hear the lessons. When they do something stupid, they don’t do it again. And when they do something that works a little bit, they do it even better and harder the next time. The question to ask is not whether you are a success or a failure, but whether you are a learner or a non-learner.”
Because of my history, you can understand how painful it is for me to watch others I love make the same mistakes as I did by not embracing learning to live life wisely. I see resistance to learning everywhere in our cultures of individualism. But it is most disheartening when resistance to learning the lessons of life is so entrenched in the church by those in such close proximity to all the teachings of Jesus necessary to live a joyful, hopeful, and fulfilled life. Revisit Romans 5. Sufferings > Endurance > Character > Hope > No Shame!!! Why? How? Because God’s love has been “poured” (not dripped!) into our hearts through the Holy Spirit.
I compare this resistance to spiritual growth to the story I heard of children playing in their sandbox filled mostly of mud when their parents were trying to get them to join them in the car to go to the beach on vacation for a week. They simply were not open to the opportunity their parents wanted so desperately to give them. Either the children couldn’t visualize the opportunity or trust their parents invitation to experience the unknown and give up the security of their mud box.
Oh, I don’t doubt that most all of you know we are lavishly and infinitely loved, and hopefully, all in receipt of salvation, perhaps have even joined a church and serve on the Board or teach a class. Church culture has a knack of usually making us look good, smell good, and sound wonderful, when in reality, we can be spiritual minimalists and often, quite miserable since too often, we are “knowing” but not “being.” Consider the bright side of that. At least you know! Coaching can help with not the not being. We appear to be spiritual in form but actually possess very little substance or understanding, and seldom have any gas (transformation or empowerment) in our tank even though we always tithe our 10% plus religiously as though it were an insurance premium.
My big error in life occurred because I simply did not trust God with my life early on and I never got in His car as His child and went with Him to the beach to experience all the joy and learning He desired for me. For then, had I trusted Him at the beach, as I grew and matured as a young man facing the challenges of adulthood, I would have learned to trust Him to lead me through the daily intricacies of relationships, careers, lifestyles, exercise, entertainment, money, investments, nutrition, friends, etc. Again, all under girded by suffering with Christ, producing then endurance, then character, then hope, then no shame! Why & How? Because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit. All for my good and His glory!
So now today, it is my observation that both in our society and the church, there are many individuals very dissatisfied with their present lot in life. Kelly says “It has been his experience that nothing changes a person’s life more than the discovery of one solitary truth: There is meaning and purpose to life. More specifically though than that, it is when ” you discover there is meaning and purpose to your life!
That once established, as presented in Scripture, will open doors for you and enable you to literally fail your way to success IF you are willing to learn! Daily Bible reading, study of Scripture and reading good books if only 3-5 pages a day, will totally change your outlook and approach to life as you focus on-becoming-the-best-possible-version-of-yourself-you can be. Read Romans 5:1-5 again. Be immersed in its challenge and profound comfort.
Now, I must say though, in the event you are not ready yet for the scriptural emphasis, don’t let that be a deterrent! Be assured that only reading good books by authors I mention frequently and others, will profoundly improve both your disposition and subsequently may quite soon, improve your position in life as well … particularly, for living a more joyful, hopeful and fulfilled life.
And may I share something else? Frequently, after you read numerous good books, I understand in time reading scripture often becomes meaningful. Strange indeed! Actually, I think not if you really understand and appreciate how God works. Email me for a suggested book list designed specifically for you as a non-believer.
Blessings as you GO FORTH AS A (coach-in-training) THIS WEEK>>>> merlin