A 2000 Word Prayer Request to my blog’s readers for an 8 year old son to simply experience his mother’s love be ‘reawakened’ and that the courts understand their role…
“Where do I begin to share the burdens of my heart for the well-being of my son Andrew, a victim now of circumstances of my earlier doings, and now far beyond either his or even my control?” By Andrew’s father who penned the following words to explain to the courts his pain.
Andrew had a counseling appointment last Tuesday February 7th. When I got there Andrew and his mother were sitting in the waiting room and Andrew was looking at her phone. I brought a book for Andrew with me like I have been doing. I try to get him interested in reading and I point out the big words in the books to see if he knows them.
I’m so glad now that Andrew is finally doing better in school after a rough start last fall. He did very well at the Asheville school so I find it very difficult to understand why he had to be taken away from his friends and the community where he has been since birth. And I also don’t understand how I can only have him every other week during summers and no overnights during school?
His mother text me today (Feb 14) to say Andrew awoke at 4:30 puking with a tummy ache so he will be spending another day in his dysfunctional grandparent’s house that in earlier years produced three daughters, all today with major drug and relationship problems. He’ll receive only minimal interaction, spending most of the day likely on his tablet or watching tv. His mother implies this upset tummy happens frequently. Stranger still, I’ve not heard the complaint or witnessed a tummy ache once yet.
His mother says Andrew suffered from depression and anxiety while attending Asheville the last 3 years. In all the reading I have done about depression and anxiety in kids his age, the literature emphasizes that depression or anxiety in children will prevent them from thriving academically and socially in school. Andrew grades and school life socially at Asheville were exemplary and he totally enjoyed extracurricular activities like baseball and kickball. Considering all the obstacles encountered in transitioning to the Central City school and its surrounding negative environment, Andrew has proven I believe that he has adjusted well, matured, and is capable of rising above undesirable circumstances including a school change, even with his aversion to now spending more time at his mother’s house because that’s what the court decided.
I believe it is no secret to the intimate observers of Andrew’s demeanor that the biggest thing Andrew has trouble adjusting to is staying at his mother’s house. Before the change, I observed he often did not want to go back to her house. Several times he didn’t want to go to school because he knew he had to go to back to his mom’s house after school. And now he is exactly where he didn’t want to be, every single day! From my observations, it seems that his mother’s house is the only place he struggles with or exhibits dissatisfaction, perhaps even depression or anxiety, to the point of causing tummy aches.
And to be professionally concerned as a parent, I understand that his mother seldom if ever plays with Andrew and actually, spends the majority of her time looking at her phone. And I’m told her excuse for using marijuana so frequently includes such as being too hot at work, having to deal with the multiple idiosyncrasies of her dysfunctional parents, driving her grandma around, dealing with a fleeting motivation to exercise, and any other reason she can come up with. Her medical marijuana card now frees her from having to be discreet or hide her usage any longer. And believe me, after I heard about Sam Quinones 2015 landmark book titled “Dreamland: The True Tale of America’s Opiate Epidemic,” I better understand both the drug usage hierarchies and the ever-present threat of usage and addiction, so that I now pray even harder that Andrew will be spared the effects of such exposures in the Central City environments.
But perhaps even more damaging to Andrew’s social and mental development from what I read in the literature, is that his mother tends to yell at Andrew about anything; from being dirty to not doing things fast enough, etc. Continual exposure to an atmosphere of negative yelling really, really concerns me. Read the literature. And while I’m just being honest, his mother in the past always possessed a gun that I understand at one time, at least was not allowed with a medical marijuana card. Do understand I am not knowledgeable of her present status in these areas.
Also, please understand I am being told these things by Andrew totally without any provocation or “fishing” from me; he is just sharing from his heart, and certainly not out of spite or to hurt his mother. I am sure a skilled child interviewer or counselor could easily verify this and much more if over time, a proven relationship of trust for Andrew’s well-being is established with him and the value of this relationship is recognized as such by Andrew himself, and not just a passing momentary manipulation as needed for whatever the pressing issue or narrative.
I certainly am not a perfect parent but I am devoted 100% to being a positive role model to Andrew. I do concentrate all my efforts to demonstrate confidence and leadership in Andrew’s presence. Andrew sees how knowledgeable I am about farming and is better understanding its accompanying work ethic. I’m not afraid to be unique and Andrew sees and understands already that I don’t pretend to be someone I’m not and that I always tell the truth. I enjoy communicating and interacting with everyone and Andrew sees how positive and rewarding it is to be socially engaged as opposed to being addicted to phones, tablets, and tv’s. Andrew needs to be engaged socially and enjoying satisfying long term relationships.
I also try to learn new things to share with Andrew and then challenge him to learn and do his best at everything he has the opportunity to experience. As Andrew shares his goals with me, I try to help him accomplish them. I’m certainly not perfect though I’ll readily admit it when I make mistakes. I don’t use drugs, alcohol or tobacco products. I eat healthy, exercise and volunteer to help coach baseball, soccer or anything else I can help out with in Andrew’s life.
Sadly, for Andrew’s sake, it appears too often his mother looks to capitalize on my mistakes and keep Andrew away from me. She says I’m alienating Andrew from her. I am not doing that at all; truth be told, his mother by her actions is doing that to herself. I make it a point to never put her down or degrade her to anyone, publicly or privately; therefore, Andrew hears nothing derogatory from me about his mother. I am dedicated to encouraging every positive bond possible between Andrew and his mother so there will a lifetime of warm mutuality and appreciation for her. Realize though, none of this is ever verbalized to anyone except the professionals in my life, as I’m very concerned that their mother son bond be nurtured and flourish long term, as I believe his mother may someday reap what she has sown during these adolescent years.
However, I do not believe his mother understands at all this future reaping. Again, the literature states and I firmly believe a long term professional skilled interviewing process would substantiate all of this. I personally can say from experience, that his mother is constantly trying to keep Andrew from me, even before we were divorced and very sadly, I’d be remiss not to say now that her actions towards Andrew’s well-being, (ignoring all her negative personal encounters towards me) as demonstrated in this case, is too often not for what will actually benefit Andrew, but for her vendetta to spite me. There is absolutely nothing in my life now more precious to me than to see my son experience every privilege to which he is entitled and to thrive as he was endowed, designed and empowered.
I hesitate to say this but this whole scenario rather reminds me of King Solomon in the biblical account of dealing with the two prostitutes with a child as recorded in I Kings 3: 16-28 and I’ll take this liberty to share it.
| [16] Two prostitutes showed up before the king. The one woman said, “My master, this woman and I live in the same house. While we were living together, I had a baby. Three days after I gave birth, this woman also had a baby. We were alone— there wasn’t anyone else in the house except for the two of us. The infant son of this woman died one night when she rolled over on him in her sleep. She got up in the middle of the night and took my son— I was sound asleep, mind you!— and put him at her breast and put her dead son at my breast. When I got up in the morning to nurse my son, here was this dead baby! But when I looked at him in the morning light, I saw immediately that he wasn’t my baby.” [22] “Not so!” said the other woman. “The living one’s mine; the dead one’s yours.” The first woman countered, “No! Your son’s the dead one; mine’s the living one.” They went back and forth this way in front of the king. [23] The king said, “What are we to do? This woman says, ‘The living son is mine and the dead one is yours,’ and this woman says, ‘No, the dead one’s yours and the living one’s mine.'” [24] After a moment the king said, “Bring me a sword.” They brought the sword to the king. [25] Then he said, “Cut the living baby in two-give half to one and half to the other.” [26] The real mother of the living baby was overcome with emotion for her son and said, “Oh no, master! Give her the whole baby alive; don’t kill him!” But the other one said, “If I can’t have him, you can’t have him-cut away!” [27] The king gave his decision: “Give the living baby to the first woman. Nobody is going to kill this baby. She is the real mother.” [28] The word got around— everyone in Israel heard of the king’s judgment. They were all in awe of the king, realizing that it was God’s wisdom that enabled him to judge truly. |
We do all have numerous responsibilities to love and to protect those in our spheres of influence.
You as public servants have been given an awesome responsibility to administer justice in a distraught hurting and angry world. I not only pray for Andrew’s protection daily, but also for his mother in her God-given role as Andrew’s mother, which goes far beyond our now trivialized marriage vows, “’til death do us part,” referring to the permanent birth bond between mother and son for life; note time nor conditions are not specified. I also include prayers for you as public servants of the courts as you all are privileged to perform your tasks as assigned.
Substantiated by all the reasons detailed above, I am requesting that Andrew be transferred back to the Asheville school immediately reducing the travel time for all parties significantly and during winter months, reducing traveling in the dark. I’ve asked my attorney to submit the previous 50/50 shared parenting plan and that I be allowed to get Andrew from school every day and then meet his mother at the Cracker Barrel after she is done with work. Therefore, Andrew would be able to play spring baseball with his friends in Asheville that soon starts in March. Remember, it’s all about what’s best for Andrew; and not at all about the selfish wishes of his mother or I.
Thank you for listening.
And thanks to you for taking time to read this lengthy document by Andrew’s father to the guardian ad litem assigned this case. His father truly exhibits the patience and love of Christ in a gut wrenching situation. Will you join us in prayer for a favorable outcome during the court hearing scheduled now for February 27? Thank you. merlin