Chapter Fifteen: Build a Cumulative Advantage
Help Someone See What Could Be
As a result of my grandfather, Don Clifton’s, lifelong study of strengths, I was raised in an environment in which my family was looking for early traces of talent at every turn. By the time I was five, they had spotted my deep interest in reading. When I was nine, my grandfather noted some entrepreneurial talent and helped me stat a little business selling snacks. He helped me find space and figure our how to buy snacks in bulk. And he taught me some financial concepts. But the most valuable lessons I learned were about people, interactions, and relationships.
Throughout my grade school, high school and college years, it became clear to me that my talents and interests were in the areas of business, research, and anything involving technology. When I graduated from college in 1998, Don asked me if I would work with him to bring his research on strengths to a wider audience through technology and this new thing called the internet. I spent the next few years with Don and our team to create an on-line strength-based assessment, dubbed the StrengthsFinder. But in the midst of all that excitement around this new project, Don learned he had stage IV gastroesophageal cancer and most likely only a few months to live.
Given that I had been battling cancer for a decade at the time, I used my knowledge and dedicated all my time to helping my grandfather extend his life as much as possible. Don and I assembled all the research we could find on the topic as we traveled to different medical centers for treatment. In the midst of this ordeal, I remembered that Don had once told me he thought it was crazy that people wait until someone is gone to say kind things in a eulogy.
So I stayed up late for several nights and wrote a very long emotional letter to my grandfather, explaining how much he had influenced my life over the years. It was essentially a eulogy written to someone who was still alive. This letter told my personal story about battling cancer as a teenager and went into great depth about what a difference my grandfather’s ideas and approach to life made during this time. I explained how his love, caring, and thinking had essentially built a reserve that helped me make it through all of my health challenges in relatively good shape.
Because I had almost no confidence in my ability to communicate effectively in writing, I was hesitant to even share this heartfelt letter with Don – but given the circumstances, I decided to give it to him. When he read it, he was deeply moved and grateful. That part did not surprise me, but a brief interaction we had for a few days later caught me off guard.
Don told me after reading the letter multiple times, he thought I had a real talent for bringing things to life with words. This was something no one had ever suggested, let alone stated explicitly. He asked if I would be willing to share my personal story from the letter in a book. As long as somebody else was doing the writing, I figured that would be okay.
Then Don asked me if I would help write that book over the next two months. This was the only time he ever acknowledged the reality of his condition in our conversation. So I agreed to give it a shot and do my best, knowing that my grandfather had quite a bit of wisdom that could benefit other people. We worked tirelessly over the next couple of months and were able to finish our first draft of the book, “How Full Is Your Bucket,” just before Don passed away. That book has since helped my grandfather’s work reach millions of people, and we even turned it into a children’s book that is now used in classrooms around the world.
Develop the Ultimate Strength
This personal experience showed me how a single interaction and observation can have a lifelong influence. After nearly three decades of exploring my own talent, having great people around me, and taking countless strengths assessments, writing was the last thing I ever planned to do. Then one person said he spotted a talent worthy of investment, and that insight continues to influence how I now spend my time every day. The more I reflect on this experience, the more I realize that the ultimate strength is finding and developing talents in others.
One of the best ways to help another person grow is through the right types of praise and recognition. Simply telling someone they did a “good job” on a project is nice but not very helpful, especially if your comments lack sincerity. In fact, insincere positive remarks could be even more toxic and detrimental than negative comments.
In addition to being sincere, words that give people a positive charger should be as specific as possible. A series of six experiments published in 2014 reveals why specificity is essential for motivating other people. Participants in one experiment were asked to “give those who need bone marrow transplants greater hope.” Phrasing the goal that way was less motivating compared with a request for participants to “give those who need bone marrow transplants a better chance of finding a donor.” It was also more effective when researchers asked participants to “increase recycling” rather than “save the environment.
BOTTOM LINE:
The more specific your language is during even brief interactions, the greater the influence. As you help other people see what they do best, you will help them build a cumulative advantage over time. You could also make a contribution to their future health and well being that you may not be able to see in the moment.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:
What is the earliest example you can remember of someone spotting a unique talent of your and encouraging you to spend time building on that strength?
When was the last time you noticed someone performing at an exceptional level and you pointed it out to that person?
RECAP: The more you focus on another person’s strengths, the faster they grow.
Who can you recognize in the next day with great specificity, sincerity, and detail?
NEXT UP: Epilogue: Create a Positive Charge