Until Aug 15, I am planning to share with you my summaries of ten chapters from Tom Rath’s book, Are You Fully Charged? (AYFC). I began this series on July 30 with the book’s Prologue. Never before have I committed nearly a dozen posts to one author in succession so I am also asking you to join me praying for your receptivity to these remaining posts until Aug 15, and for the future posts being planned beyond to avoid wasting everyone’s valuable spiritual time and energy. If ever nudged to send me a suggestion, be it a complaint or praise, send to merlin.erb@gmail.com or text, call, WhatsApp 330 465-2565. Thank you.
For those of you desiring more “meaningfulness” from Tom, email me & I’ll send you a Word doc. of the ten chapters I’ve summarized thus far, or better yet, go to thriftbooks (earlier they had 8 copies @$6.19 ea.) so order your own copy(s). Who else do you know who could benefit from Tom’s journey to find meaningfulness in their work, & especially, retirement? And I also trust, you’ll encourage others to subscribe to the blog and thereby increase our efficiency.
Chapter Eleven: Start Small and Be Clear
This chapter continues from the prior on how to communicate a negative message to an employee or volunteer under your supervision whom you’re not personally familiar with, and worse, may not even have the time or opportunity to engage meaningfully prior to needing to deliver the difficult message, a very awkward situation for both of you. Even worse, you do not possess the gift as some, to enter a room of strangers and easily mingle while introducing yourself around, discovering you and whoever they may be, common interests, hobbies, shared acquaintances, etc while solidifying new friendships.
Use Questions to Spark Conversation
I’ve learned its easier in such situations to ask relevant good questions and then really listen to the answers, for clues to what questions or comments would facilitate greater more interesting conversation. Understand though, merely making a new friend versus needing to relay a difficult message is vastly different. Still, though asking questions is key to beginning conversation, even if the recipient is sullen, angry, withdrawn. Perhaps beginning with how they were first introduced to the company, where they worked prior, perhaps their birth city and where they were raised & educated, # of siblings, birth order implications, what they most enjoyed, appreciated, or even may have disliked about their childhood, etc., Asking questions is even more effective when others may be skeptical of your influence or credibility or even engaged in a debate.
You may be interested to know a team of researchers in the U.K. studying recordings of expert negotiators for many years found that questions are one of the most effective forms of bringing people into agreement. The average negotiators spent less than 10 percent of their total time asking questions whereas the most successful negotiators spent 21 percent.
People love to talk about themselves. Some studies indicate 40 percent of everyday speech consists of people telling others what they think and feel. Scientists hint that talking about oneself triggers the same reward centers in the brain as food or money. The more open you are about yourself, including revealing embarrassing moments and occasional mistakes, the more likely another person is to trust you. Studies suggest you being humble and embracing self-depreciating moments is an asset, not something to be ashamed of, seemingly building trust. Sharing personally about fears, flaws, and follies often leads to an exchange of entertaining stories, even lasting connections, not to mention time, because you’re never pretending to be something you’re NOT!
Connect for Speed and Creativity
It’s easy to dismiss the need for close relationships at work until you focus on the bigger picture. Sure, you can get more done tomorrow if you put your head down and plow through a bunch of work. But if you fail to cultivate and maintain relationships, it will slow you down over time. Anything of substance in life is created by working with others. I have yet to do anything very useful in isolation. Relationships boost achievement and create efficiency. Friendships speed things up because emotions spread faster than words. When you see a friend at work, even if you don’t say anything, you exchange an emotional state simply based on observing each other’s facial expressions and body language.
BOTTOM LINE: When you get together with a group of people you really enjoy spending time with, it puts you in a better mood. Experiments show that if you are in a better mood your creativity increases and your thinking becomes more expansive. This helps explain why Gallup’s research has shown that people who have “best friend” caliber relationships at work are seven times as likely to be engaged in their jobs, all being good for your meaningful work, and ultimately, for you to thrive on all fronts.
Discussion Questions:
What small action can you take today to boost the well-being of one of your closest friends?
What is one good question you can ask new acquaintances to learn more about what’s going on in their work or life?
RECAP: Practical goals and good questions create speed and productivity.
How can you invest even more time and energy into one of your most productive relationships?
NEXT UP: Always Maximize Relationships!