Words by Wendy Cunningham and provided us by Marlin Miller June 6 of Plain Values of Winesburg OH. (1447 words – 8 minutes read time. Plan accordingly. Profoundly worthy wisdom. Required discipleship reading.
My dad died when my youngest child was eleven weeks old. They never got to meet. Although we’d been estranged off and on since I was young, at the time of his death, my dad and I hadn’t spoken for more than a year. I never wanted that to be our story, but addiction makes for complex twists and turns in a plot line.
My stepdad and I had a similarly complicated relationship. We had the opposite problem I had with my dad though; we over-communicated. At the top of our lungs. However, the day my mom and stepdad separated marked a complete and total severing of any connection I had with the man. There has been almost no communication in the nearly 15 years since that day.
I have a friend who adores her daddy. She loves him even more than she loves her mom, which is strange and adorable all at the same time. Although I trust her testimony is genuine, I can’t even imagine such a relationship. Similarly, I have a friend who is quite close with her stepdad. She calls him “Dad” and thinks of him as such. It blessed me so much to see them dance at her wedding, and yet it left me wondering…
What is it like for a daughter to be intimately close with her father?
Needless to say, as I was exploring Christianity on my road to salvation, a perfect Father in heaven was a hard concept for me to grasp. I had no earthly example. Heaped on top of my daddy-issues was a load of bad relationships, which was the perfect recipe for a colossal struggle with trust. Specifically trust in men. Christianity mandates that we put our full faith, hope, and trust in not just our Father in Heaven, but also His perfect and holy Son, Jesus. And people wonder why it took me a minute to get on board with all this.
When I started dating my husband, I was a mess. You can imagine the man-trusting thing quickly became a problem for us. I could not seem to divorce my past from my present. Everything I had struggled with, every hurt I had endured, found its way into the center of our relationship. It didn’t seem to matter that my husband was different, and he proved it with every passing day; I had no idea how to tear down the walls or rebuild the trust.
“What has happened to you is not who you are.” (Do not ever forget this line. It will serve you well!)
My husband would say this to me during my anxiety attacks, irrational accusations, and periods of confusion. It settled my heart quickly, but looking back now, I can see the authentic, unfailing love of the Holy Spirit through those words. Yes, that was my husband speaking, but it was Christ in him ministering to my brokenness.
Our experience is not our identity. (Another keeper for children of the King!)
A huge part of the deep wounding in my story comes from the lie I believed early on: I’m not chosen. My father didn’t choose me. My stepfather didn’t choose me. And then man after man after man found something to choose instead of me. But slowly, that lie was exposed. Yes, my husband chose me. But through him I began to realize there was another piece of the picture I’d never seen before.
Not only had I always been chosen, but God never stopped trying to show me that truth.
Long before the disappointments of my earthly fathers and men, the most perfect Father had adopted me. You see, adoption points to being chosen not assigned. I was assigned a father biologically, but that father was never obligated to choose me. A Father who adopts you is doing so consciously. It’s a choice, not a burden.
You’re not just a son or a daughter, you’re specifically chosen to be a part of His family.
Maybe you’ve seen the videos on social media where a foster parent reveals their intent to adopt the child in their care. Typically, the video is set up in a manner similar to a marriage proposal where there is a piece of jewelry and a confession of lasting love and commitment. These videos wreck me. There is such weight behind this proposition of adoption.
Because without choice, love can’t be real. Adoption is a beautiful confession of love.
“For he chose us in him, before the foundation of the world, to be holy and blameless in love before him. He predestined us to be adopted as sons through Jesus Christ for himself, according to the good pleasure of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace that he lavished on us in the Beloved One” (Ephesians 1:4-6). He chose us before the foundation of the world. He predestined us to be adopted as sons (and daughters). And herein lies the truth behind your identity: There was never a moment in your whole life where you were not chosen.
Some of us (actually most of us at some time or another) are deceived into believing this is the lie.
But wait, there’s more!
“The Spirit himself testifies together with our spirit that we are God’s children…” (Romans 8:16). The Holy Spirit testifies that we are God’s adopted children! And we can’t even deny it because it says here that our spirit—the very essence of us—also testifies to it. Which means believing anything else is simply the deceptive work of the father of lies. You’ll note here that Jesus refers to Satan as a father also. Although I’d rather not associate with his offspring.
Oh, and there is this one last thing…
“…and if children, also heirs—heirs of God and coheirs with Christ—if indeed we suffer with him so that we may also be glorified with him” (Romans 8:17). We’re not just chosen. Adopted. But we’re given true sonship. We’re not just the step kid. We’re coheirs with Christ. All the blessings bestowed upon Jesus are also ours to inherit. Can you even imagine that kind of love?
Well, if you’re anything like me then, yes, it is hard to conceive of all that being true. Because the reality is I still feel a little sometimes not at all chosen. Don’t you?
You know who else experienced rejection? Our big Brother.
And for that, we can’t miss the last part of Romans 8:17. We’ve got to suffer in the same ways Jesus suffered. We will feel dismissed, cast aside, unwanted, and broken. When I look through this lens, I understand my own daddy-issues more clearly, and it allows for more grace. If I had no idea what it felt like to be abused and neglected, I wouldn’t treasure so deeply the feeling of being rescued and restored. And without those dichotomies, God is robbed of the rightfully bestowed glory.
Our suffering, those moments of rejection, anchor us to our glorification with Christ.
The enemy would have us believe the lie that we’re nothing, unwanted. God would have us experience His redemptive and powerful love. A love that heals and renews. A love that holds our very identity.
One important fact I had to come to grips with while on my journey from atheism to Christianity is this: The truth is true whether I believe it or not. And the truth is this: We are adopted by God. We were adopted before the beginning of time. We are chosen, fought for, treasured, and deeply loved. Not because it’s an obligation, but because it’s God’s choice. We love Him because He first loved us.
That succinctly is just who you are in the eyes of God. Got it?
Are you a Fact Checker?
Proof One is if you live it.
Proof Two is whether those you invite, live by it also?
Parting Shot over the Bow: We began the unique week with Wendell & Daisy’s WAITING on God’s miraculous provision of healing. Have you thought further about securing a copy of Go Now and reading it quick before Thanksgiving so His Spirit can reveal to you who in your circle of influence would benefit from a copy with a personal note in it from you as a Christmas gift?
We now end the week with some of the heaviest spiritual identity questions I’ve recently encountered you can easily distribute as you’re compelled.
Every once in a while, I’m thinking this blog is due a new name. Today I’ve been toying with names like: Just in Time Truths for Today, Or, “It’s Never Too Late to Simply Obey Him!” You got any ideas? Think about it. Share with me. Thank you!