I had been called in to facilitate a crisis meeting. The board of directors for a global entity had convened in a last-ditch effort to save the company. A yearlong battle between the CEO and the board chair had reached a breaking point, and they had called an emergency board retreat to try to prevent what seemed inevitable – that one of the two executives would leave the company. The departure of either one would make global headlines. Hundreds of thousands would be affected, and a great deal of money would be put at risk.
We began our day by putting all the issues on the table, ensuring we were all starting with the same set of facts. The hope was to resolve the conflict between the two leaders so that the company could continue to thrive. As best I could tell, based on my pre-meeting interviews, half of the board sided with the chair, and the other half with the CEO. And it was crystal clear that the two of them did not side with each other.
As each person shared their perspective, the tension was palpable, yet somewhat cordial. But soon, in a moment, it all turned dark. The CEO interrupted the chair to make a comment, and not in a polite or measured way. Then, it happened.
The board chair, with all eyes on him, gently closed his portfolio. After looking down for a few seconds, he looked around the table and said to the group, “I am done. You all can take it from here, but I am done. Good luck.”
With that, he got up and began walking toward the door. The room went silent with shock. I don’t think anyone knew what to do, but they all knew this was bad. The chairman was obviously resigning. He was walking out in the middle of the retreat intended to save the company.
I didn’t know what to do, but I quickly ran across the room and placed myself between the chairman and the door. Then, I sat down on the floor and blocked his exit.
“Okay, wait,” I said. “You can leave here, but if you walk out this door, you will set in motion a chain of events that cannot be undone. It will effect hundreds of thousands of lives. Before you do that, I ask you this one thing, Please, sit down for a moment. Right here, with me.”
There are times when people might think you are so crazy that they simply do what you ask them to do, and I think this was one of them. The chairman sat down on the floor, and I asked him, “What does it feel like when he does what he just did to you?”
He stared at me for a long moment and then began to speak. “I … I… just don’t know…” And his lower jaw began to quiver as he tried to speak. This powerful man, an acclaimed attorney and industry leader, could not get the words out. “He … he makes me feel like… There is no way … I can …”
Pain and emotion so saturated this man’s words that he could no longer speak.
Within minutes, movement across the room caught my attention. The CEO was walking toward us. He sat down besides us, looked at the chairman, and said, “I never knew I made you feel that way. I am so, so sorry.”
The chairman looked up and stared at the CEO for a moment. Then he turned to me, appearing as though he did not know what to say or think next.
I looked at the group and said, “Give me the room. I’ll call you back when we’re ready.”
Over the next 90 minutes, the three of us simply talked. And listened, and talked some more. Finally, I invited the board to return and said, “Time to go to work.”
For the remainder of the retreat, the board listened to the two executives talk about their disconnection and, more importantly, about how they would move forward. To say the least, things ended much better than they had been just a couple of hours earlier. Disaster averted.
The problem we have is this: we often don’t how trust like theirs went awry, nor do we know the mechanism involved to back to a good place in the way they did. The goal of this book is to understand both: how it gets broken, and how to repair it when it does.
TRUST: Knowing When to Give It, When to Withhold It, How to Earn It,
& How to Fix It When It Gets Broken by Dr Henry Cloud,
Author, psychologist, and leadership expert to equip us to understand and manage trust, the fuel for all life and business. We are wired biologically, emotionally, spiritually, psychologically to trust. Trust is the currency that drives every relationship, beginning with the foundational bond between infants and their mothers, extending to the trust networks that under-gird every human endeavor – art, science, business-binding together ever relationship we have ever had or ever will have. Nothing in our world works without trust.
But we all have our stories about misplaced trust. We either missed clear or subtle warning signs, or there just were not any warning signs to see. And sometimes we struggle to earn and keep the trust of those around us when trust bonds fail to form or are broken. When trust breaks down, so does our ability to move forward. Repairing trust is difficult.
Today while experiencing our current cultural deficiency of trust, Dr. Cloud, author of the multi-million copy bestseller Boundaries, explores the imperative five foundational aspects of trust that must be present in any relationship and helps us understand how to implement them. He also guides us through the difficult process of repairing trust when it has been violated and broken.
Rich with wisdom drawn from decades of experience in clinical practice, business consulting and research, TRUST is the ultimate resource for managing this most complex and fundamental of human bonds, allowing us to experience more fruitful and rewarding relationships in every area of our lives.
NEXT UP: will be ten paragraphs from Oswald Chambers first book, on Job, nonetheless, now titled “Our Ultimate Refuge.” in which he states “there is a difference between Satan and the devil which the Bible student should note.” After numerous references recently of Wiersbe’s book “The Strategy of Satan,” I thought perhaps Ozzie would provide additional valid fodder for you truth seekers in these unique days.