Merlin's Mustache

Each interaction gives us a chance to shine THE LIGHT on what’s right – and fill a bucket.

A friend of ours recently discovered the power of focusing on what is right. Unhappy in her marriage, she had been after her husband for weeks to make changes. He didn’t seem interested in spending much time with her, and when she complained, he got defensive. So, she drew even more attention to the things that upset her hoping he would notice. Instead, she found that things seemed to get worse.

Realizing that telling her husband how much he disappointed her wasn’t working, she tried an experiment. She began to draw attention to the things he did well and what she liked about him. She was skeptical but she had nothing to lose. What do you think happened after several days? Her husband was happier when he came home and more engaged in the relationship. Eventually his attentiveness and warmth began to fill her bucket – just as her positive outlook toward him had filled his.

But the most unexpected thing was that she felt happier, on her own, by focusing on the positive rather than dwelling on the negative. And this, in turn, caused her to be much more positive in her interactions with other people. After a few weeks, both she and her husband were passing this new found energy along to friends and coworkers.

Never underestimate the long-term influence of filling others buckets. Dr. Barbara Frederickson said that positive emotions create “chains of interpersonal events,” the far-reaching results of which you may or may not get to see in person. But they are there and happening.

Every time you fill a bucket, you’re setting something in motion.

 Consider this: If you fill two buckets a day, and the owners of those two buckets go on to fill two new buckets, more than a thousand buckets will have been filled at the end of 10 days. If each of those same people fill five buckets instead of two, more than 19 million buckets would be filled in just ten days.

So, continue the chain: When someone fills your bucket, accept it – never just brush it off and diminish what the person is doing. Fill their bucket by saying “thank you,” letting them know that you appreciate the compliment or recognition. In turn, you are more likely to share your renewed positive energy with others. Anyone else catching the drift positive bucket dipping could be the scaffolding for invitational Kingdom bridge-building, once we accept His Foundation?

ARE YOU GETTING THE JOB DONE “DIPPER” QUESTIONS?

1.  I have helped someone in the last 24 hours.
2.  I am exceptionally courteous person.
3.  I like being around positive people.
4. I have phrased someone in the last 24 hours.
5.  I have developed a knack for making other people feel good.
6.  I am more productive when I am around positive people.
7.  In the last 24 hours I have told someone that I care about her or him.
8.  I make it a point to become acquainted with people wherever I go.
9. When I receive recognition, it makes me want to give recognition to someone else.
10.  In the last week I have listened to someone talked through his or her goals and ambitions.
11.  I make unhappy people laugh.
12.  I make it a point to call each of my associates by name by the name she or he likes to be called.
13.  I noticed what my colleagues do at a level of excellence.
14.  I always smile at people I meet.
15.  I feel good about giving praise whenever I see good behavior.

NEXT UP: Strategy Three: Make Best Friends

Five Strategies for Increasing Positive Emotions

First though, we best review The Theory of the Dipper & the Bucket

Imagine each of us has an invisible bucket. It is constantly emptied or filled, depending on what others say or do to us. When our bucket is full, we feel great. When it’s empty, we feel awful.

Each of us also has an invisible dipper. When we use that dipper to fill other people’s buckets – by saying or doing things to increase their positive emotions – we also fill our own bucket. But when we use that dipper to dip from other’s buckets – by saying or doing things that decrease their positive emotions – we diminish ourselves.

Like the cup that runneth over, a full bucket gives us a positive outlook and renewed energy. Every drop in that bucket makes us stronger and more optimistic.

But an empty bucket poisons our outlook, saps our energy and undermines our will. That’s why every time someone dips from our bucket, it hurts us.

So, we face a choice every moment of every day: We can fill one another’s buckets, or we can dip from them. It’s an important choice – one that profoundly influences our relationships, productivity, health, and happiness. The End.

Just as we have to start eliminating debt before we can truly save, we must start to eliminate bucket drip dipping before we can truly begin to fill buckets. (Isn’t that a most true-to-life analogy?)

After hearing the Theory of the Dipper and the Bucket, one man we know decided to put it to the test. He was looking for a way to eliminate his own dipping from others buckets. So, he developed a simple habit of asking himself if he was adding or taking away from the other person’s bucket in each interaction. He told us it was a difficult habit to get into at first, but after some time, he realized it was working. By catching himself before he uttered a negative comment – and in some cases making a more positive one instead – he started making himself, and the people around him, feel better.

For the next few days, try to catch yourself in the act of bucket dipping – then stop it. Consider your most recent interactions. Have you poked fun at someone? Touched on an insecurity? Blatantly pointed out something that that person does wrong? If so, try and push the “pause” button in your head next time.

 Once you’ve successfully curtailed your own bucket-dipping, encourage similar changes amongst those around you. Are people in your work group or school chronically criticizing or mocking others? Do you ever notice them teaming up and “group-dipping” from someone’s bucket? The next time you see bucket dipping in progress, do something about it. Convince others that unwarranted negativity only makes matters worse.

The reality is that some persistently negative or hurtful people simply won’t change, despite your best efforts. They’ve got long-handled dippers, and they intend to use them. If serving as an example won’t help, then steer clear of these kinds of people as much as possible – for your own well-being and emotional health.

Once you’ve consciously started to eliminate bucket-dipping, keep track of your progress by scoring your interactions. That’s right: Reflect on your last few exchanges with another person. Decide if, overall, each interaction was more positive or negative. Score each one as either a plus or a negative in your head. Write them down if you need to. We’ve provided a worksheet on our website at www.bucketbook.com to help. Were the majority of these those interactions positive or negative? I just learned from Support I must purchase an anniversary copy of the book in order to access such services. Buying used books without the code from Thriftbooks does not cut the mustard! Were the majority of these those interactions positive or negative?

Now, as you consider what it would take to fill the buckets of your friends, family, coworkers, and others, ask yourself: “What would it take for me to reach that ‘magic ratio’ of five positive interactions for every one negative interaction that I read about in Chapter Three?”

NEXT UP: Strategy Two: Shine a Light on What is Right.

From Ch. Three: Every Moment Matters from the book, Pg. 55 How Full Is Your Bucket?

Positive Psychology experts are finding that the frequency of small, positive acts is critical. John Gottman’s pioneering research on marriages suggests that there is a “magic ratio” of 5 to 1 – in terms of our balance of positive to negative interactions. Gottman found that marriages are significantly more likely to succeed when the couple’s interactions are near that 5 to 1 ratio of positive to negative. When the ratio approaches 1 to 1, marriages “cascade to divorce.”

In a fascinating study, Gottmann teamed up with two mathematicians to test this model. Starting in 1992, they recruited 700 couples who had just received their marriage licenses. For each couple, the researchers videotaped a 15-minute conversation between husband and wife and counted the number of positive and negative interactions. Then based on the 5 to 1 ratio, they predicted whether each couple would stay together or divorce.

Ten years later, Gottman and his colleagues followed up with each couple to determine the accuracy of their original predictions. The results were stunning. They had predicted divorce with 94 % accuracy – based on scoring the couple’s interactions for 15 minutes.

This ratio is critical in the workplace as well. A recent study found that work groups with a positive to negative interaction ratios greater than 3 to 1 are significantly more productive than teams that do not reach this ratio. Frederickson and Losada’s mathematical modeling of positive to negative ratios, however, also suggests the existence of an upper limit: Things can worsen if the ratio goes higher than 13 to 1.

So, while this book focuses primarily on ways to increase positive emotions, it is important to note that we don’t recommend ignoring negativity and weaknesses positively; must be grounded in reality. A “Pollyanna” approach in which the negativity is completely ignored, can result in a false optimism that is counterproductive – and sometimes downright annoying. There are times when it is absolutely necessary to correct our mistakes and figure out how to manage our weaknesses.

But most of us don’t have to worry about breaking the upper limit. The positive-to- negative ratios in most organizations are woefully inadequate and leave substantial room for improvement.

NEXT UP: Five Strategies for Increasing Positive Emotions. The first covered will be Prevent Bucket Dipping.

Since it is my daily routine to read from Oswald Chamber’s “My Utmost for His Highest”, this time from Nov 19th., Wednesday morning prior to working on this post, for some reason the Spirit connected Laura’s account, my earlier years of spiritual wandering, and the word conviction into this blog post. Take note, Utmost was even anchored with the verse, “When He has come, He will convict the world of sin…” John 16:8

Therefore, since yesterday’s post included the account of Laura’s emotional downward spiral during her class presentation, solely from the actions of her peers, I realized that for me, and I’m thinking the same is true for many of us, that such emotional painful spirals are frequently caused by our own inward moral or addictive behavioral indiscretions, rather than from other persons thoughtless or inconsiderate actions. And I found Oswald’s word’s especially pertinent teaching for us how to gain, or regain, our vibrant spiritual perspective. Thus, I’ll share them with you. Please read each line slowly, deliberately, & thoughtfully, before proceeding on.

FYI, no where in this How Full Is Your Bucket book, do I find Jesus mentioned or endorsed. Sometimes I think that was a deliberate omission, for if Jesus were mentioned, it may have greatly reduce the book appearing in the hands & on the shelves of those who need it most. We must trust the Spirit to call people to repentance, however, wherever He chooses. Who knows? You & I may be the only representation of the Bible & Jesus some folks may ever see or hear! An awesome responsibility indeed! Therefore, I’m utilizing Chambers words once more here & now to trumpet His clarion call for our appreciation for conviction today, and ultimately, for our discipleship tomorrow, while treading on the turf of a secular book on a blog aimed largely at a culturally Christian audience whose faith and doctrinal realities are also without blemish!

UTMOST WISDOM: Nov 19

Very few of us know anything about conviction of sin.

We know the experience of being disturbed because we have done wrong things.

But conviction of sin by the Holy Spirit blots out every relationship on earth and makes us aware of only one – “Against You, You only, have I sinned... (Psalm 51:4)

When a person is convicted of sin in this way, he knows with every bit of his conscience that God does forgive,

but it cost the breaking of God’s heart with grief in the death of Christ to enable to do so.

The great miracle of the grace of God is that He forgives sin,

and it is the death of Jesus Christ alone,

that enables the divine nature to forgive and to remain true to itself in doing so.

It is shallow nonsense to say that God forgives us because He is love.

Once we have been convicted of sin, we will never say this again.

The love of God means Calvary— nothing less!

The love of God is spelled out on the Cross and nowhere else!

The only basis for which God can forgive me is the Cross of Christ.

It is there that His conscience is satisfied.

Forgiveness doesn’t merely mean that I am saved from hell and have been made ready for heaven.

Forgiveness means that I am forgiven into a newly created relationship which identifies me with God in Christ.

The miracle of redemption is that God turns me, the unholy one, into the standard of Himself, the Holy One.

He does this by putting into me a new nature, the nature of Jesus Christ. Justification!

(merlin again. I suggest you make a mental note of this Nov 19 Utmost reading for future reference. As well as for the Nov 20 on Forgiveness! This all does remind me of the hymn, Hallelujah! What a Savior! by Phillip B Bliss 1875)

Man of Sorrows!” what a name
For the Son of God, who came
Ruined sinners to reclaim.
Hallelujah! What a Savior!

Bearing shame and scoffing rude,
In my place condemned He stood;
Sealed my pardon with His blood.
Hallelujah! What a Savior!

Guilty, vile, and helpless we;
Spotless Lamb of God was He;
“Full atonement!” can it be?
Hallelujah! What a Savior!

Lifted up was He to die;
“It is finished!” was His cry;
Now in Heav’n exalted high.
Hallelujah! What a Savior!

When He comes, our glorious King,
All His ransomed home to bring,
Then anew His song we’ll sing:
Hallelujah! What a Savior!

OK, back to the Bucket book. As a result of the Positive Psychology Movement – the study of “what is right” with people – some of the world’s leading academic minds are now devoting their careers to analyzing the effects of positive emotions. At the risk of greatly oversimplifying a decade of in-depth research, many of the world’s most noted scientists have put negativity on trial and have founded it guilty!

These recent studies show that negative emotions can be harmful to your health and it might even shorten your lifespan. (I’ve heard that most of my life, but now it is “science.”) We already know that one negative person can ruin an entire workplace but negative emotions can also destroy relationships families and entire careers.

In contrast, recent discoveries suggests that positive emotions are an essential daily requirement for survival. Not only do they improve your physical and mental health, but they can also provide a buffer against depression and illness.

>Thousands of Moments Every Day

According to Noble Peace Prize scientist Daniel Kahneman, we experience approximately 20,000 individual moments in a waking day. Each “moment” lasts a few seconds. If you consider any strong memory positive or negative – you’ll notice that the imagery in your mind is actually defined by your recollection of a precise point in time. And rarely does a neutral encounter stay in your mind – the memorial moments are almost always positive or negative! And in some cases, a single encounter can change your life forever.

In a recent Today segment Katie Couric interviewed a young man named Brian Bennett who had grown up in a troubled and abusive environment. He had struggled in school and been picked on regularly at a young age. Now Brian is a successful and well-adjusted adult. When Couric asked him, “What made the difference?” the young man responded without thinking twice: The defining moment in his life occurred when a grade school teacher simply told him that she cared about him and believed in him. This one small interaction turned Brian Bennett’s life around.

In another case, we asked Kristin, the management consultant, “What is the greatest recognition you’ve ever received?” Her answer: “Three words in an email.” We then found out when Kristin’s mother passed away, a mentor at work whom Kristin had admired throughout her career wrote her a special note. Her mentor’s e-mail concluded by saying, “Your mother was very proud of you, and so am I.” After 25 years with her company, three simple words carried more meaning than any other recognition Kristin had received in her entire life.

NEXT UP: John Gottman’s pioneering research on marriages. This research will change your life, married or not!

From Pg. 35 from How Full Is Your Bucket? Positive Strategies for Work & Life

         (merlin here: “To bring these numbers to life and purpose to this book’s obsession with “buckets” , here’s an example of the effect that just a small dose of negativity had on one employee. Does Laura’s story sound familiar to you? Believe me, Laura’s case is mild, compared to the ones I’ve inflicted on myself & others, over my years.”)

“There I was, standing at the front of the room, ready to get into the best part of my presentation. I stayed up late the last two nights preparing. I had a great deal of knowledge and passion on this topic and wanted everything to be perfect. And I really hoped to impress my boss and colleagues. Everything was going well as I flipped through the first few slides. Then a sudden technological glitch gave everyone a chance to start talking for a few minutes.

I overheard Mike whispering to Beth that it looked like I had been out late last night. I wanted to jump across the table and strangle him. Did I really look that bad? I tried to remain composed but I was shaken.

When my presentation was back up, it was time to get everyone focused again and proceed. As I tried desperately to regain everyone’s attention my insecurities grew. Were my first few points so boring that they were dreading the next part, or did I look so bad that it was undermining my credibility?

Finally, my boss realized that I was about to have a breakdown and refocused everyone’s attention. Unfortunately, he did it by saying, “Laura does not look very happy with us; maybe we should pay attention now!” Ouch! Sometimes I can’t believe the things people say out loud. Every ounce of confidence I had mustered to give this presentation was wiped out. Things really went downhill after that.

We all have experienced situations when it seems nothing will go right no matter what we’ve done, or now, in the moment, we say or do! Maybe you feel like everyone is out to get you, and you even start to fixate on negative things about yourself. Spiraling downward isn’t hard to do when your bucket is being emptied.

Not only do you feel down, but you are less productive because of it, and you bring others down with you by reactively dipping from their buckets. When you interact with people on such days, they quickly sense and are affected by the negativity you radiate. It’s not easy to hide – in fact, it’s highly contagious.

BOTTOM LINE:

It is possible for just one or two people to poison an entire workplace. And managers who have tried moving negative people to other departments to alleviate the problem know that “location, location, location,” doesn’t apply to these people; they bring their negativity along with them wherever they go. We’ve witnessed negative employees or members tearing through a workplace or a congregation like a hurricane racing through a coastal town, and that’s only addressing the externally “other-caused bucket-spiraling!”

To be fair in identifying such potential carnage, we need to be aware of our own personal propensity to hide our “conscience-laundering” when we’re confronted & condemned by the Holy Spirit’s overwhelming conviction for our sinful choices, be they moral or addictive.

NEXT UP: Ch. Three: And yes, in these matters of reconciliation, every moment does matter!

Yes, bucket-filling is an extraordinary powerful leadership strategy.

Of course, there is a flip side. There always is!

Right now, the majority of us don’t give or receive (I’m only concerned with giving praise & encouragement now) anywhere near the amount of praise that we should. As a result, we’re much less productive and in many cases, completely disengaged in our jobs. According to the U.S. Department of Labor, the number-one reason people leave their jobs is because they “do not feel appreciated.”

But the problem doesn’t stop there. There’s more.

One study of health care workers found that when employees were working for a boss they disliked, they had significantly higher blood pressure. According to the British scientist George Fieldman, this boss-induced hypertension could increase the risk of coronary heart disease by 17% and the risks of stroke by 33%.

“There was both a statistical and clinically significant elevation during the time people had the boss they didn’t like,” says Fieldman, a psychologist and psychotherapist. “People who work with bosses they really hated constantly for years would probably be quite vulnerable to heart disease because of the elevation of blood pressure in the long-term.”

Where productivity is concerned it would be better for organizations if people who are overtly negative stayed home. When they do show up for work, they are counterproductive. We all know these types of people. They walk around the office or job site with glazed looks or move from cubicle to cubicle stirring up trouble with whining, complaining, and even paranoia. Sound familiar?

Our estimates suggest that there are more than 22 million workers – in the U.S. alone – who are extremely negative or “actively disengaged,” and this data was a decade prior covid. Imagine now!

This rampant negativity is not only disheartening, it’s expensive. It cost the U.S. economy between $250 and $300 billion every year in lost productivity alone. When you add workplace injury, illness, turnover, absences, and fraud, the cost could surpass $1 trillion per year, or nearly 10% of the U.S. gross domestic product (GDP). These costs are not specific to the United States; they exist to varying degrees in every country, industry, and organization we have studied.

And our figures are conservative. To estimate costs accurately, we only accounted for the direct impact that “actively disengaged” employees have at work. We quantified the productivity – or the lack thereof – occurring in each person’s own workspace. In analyzing the data, we had to assume that disengaged employees simply sat in his or her cubicle and didn’t wreak havoc elsewhere – an unlikely assumption, of course. Most disengaged employees do plenty of things each day that bring others down with their own sinking ship.

NEXT UP: You ever personally caught yourself in a downward spiral of anger, or an addiction, and there was absolutely nothing you could do to stop the free-fall?

From Ch. Two of How Full Is Your Bucket? Positive Strategies for Work & Life

Most of us will never endure the kind of psychological torture that the American prisoner of war suffered during the Korean War. Yet we all experience positive and negative interactions every day that influence how we feel and behave. Just because these interactions are commonplace and often undramatic doesn’t mean that they do not matter. They do. While most of our negative experiences will not kill us, they can slowly but surely erode our well-being and productivity. Fortunately, positive experiences or “bucket filling” can even be more powerful.

Bucket Filling in Organizations

Although bucket filling goes far beyond the concepts of “recognition” and “praise,” these are two critical components for creating positive emotions in organizations. In fact, we surveyed more than 4 million employees worldwide on this topic. Our latest analysis which includes more than 10,000 business units and more than 30 industries, has found that individuals who receive regular recognition and praise:

1. increase their individual productivity
2. increase engagement among their colleagues
3. are more likely to stay with their organization
4. receive higher loyalty and satisfaction scores from customers
5. have better safety records and fewer accidents on the job

To put this into perspective, think about the greatest recognition you have ever received in the workplace. Chances are, it caused you to feel better about your organization and, in turn, become more productive. Great recognition and praise can immediately transform a workplace. And just one person can infuse positive emotions into an entire group by filling buckets more frequently. Studies show that organizational leaders who share positive emotions have work groups with a more positive mood enhanced job satisfaction, greater engagement, and improved group performance.

One CEO we know, Ken, claims that the bucket filling is his “secret weapon” as a leader. He has developed very targeted ways to increase positive emotions in the large organization that he runs. In Ken’s frequent travels around the globe, he always stops by his company’s local offices. And he doesn’t visit to “spy” on his employees or just to meet with upper management. Instead, his primary intent is to energize the people in each workplace.

Before arriving, Ken recalls successes and achievements he has heard over the past few months involving people in that office. As soon as he arrives, Ken casually visits with these individuals and congratulates them. He may offer kudos to an employee who recently got married or had a child or praise someone who gave a great presentation. His favorite line is: “I’ve been hearing a lot of good talk behind your back.”

The most enjoyable part of spreading positivity for Ken is to “watch the energy move through the network” once he sets it in motion. He realized that he could light up an entire workplace with a few brief – but very energizing – conversations.

“I discovered that bucket filling is an extraordinarily powerful leadership strategy,” Ken says. As a result of this approach, thousands looked to him for motivation and guidance.

NEXT UP: Killing Productivity